To All Knights In Shining Armor....

To those of you thinking you might like to apply for the job of Knight in Shining Armor...

STOP! This message is for you.

First of all I have to ask you why would you even want this job? Do you realize exactly what it is you'll be doing?

You will be climbing up to the tower, and rescuing the Damsel that's in Distress. Maybe slaying the odd dragon for her too. Whatever the situation requires. All because you decided that you are her champion and that is what they do.

So when its all said and done...She gets all her problems taken care of, but what exactly do you get out of it? Is it the gratitude from the Damsel? I suppose that could be sort of nice. A little boost to the ego. However, long term I don't see that being enough to make it worth it for you. You realize too, that rescuing a Damsel in Distress is sort of like feeding a stray dog. Once you do it, you can never get rid of them. They are then your responsibility for life. YES LIFE... That's a long time to be constantly having to fix things and pulling someone else's butt out of trouble.

While I'm sure it feels all Nobel and good in the beginning....Is that really the life you want forever? You could ask yourself this.....How did she get up in that tower in need of rescuing to begin with? Could it be that her trouble was of her own making? Hmmm now there's a thought.

Lets even take that one step further..If she is up there because she screwed up and deserves to be.....Why do you want to get her down? Because when you go and rescue a Damsel in Distress the only thing your left with is a Distressed Damsel. In my way of thinking that's not a real prize worth the trouble of climbing a tower or slaying a dragon. I don't care how cute she is when she's got that needy, eye lash batting, pouty face. That stuff only takes you so far.... I say leave her butt up there..Let her find her own way down.

Maybe its time to find a girl with her feet firmly planted on the ground. One who knows what she wants and can handle her own problems for herself. One that might even be able to lend you some assistance should you ever be in need of some dragon slaying yourself. One who might be a partner when building a castle instead of another burden to carry.

Maybe its time to take off the Armor and stop trying fix things. Maybe its time to be a regular man and find a regular woman you can share your life with. One that you like as is, no modifications needed.

Castles can be fixer uppers.....The partners we choose should be no assembly required.

The Devil Wears Lip Gloss

In case you had any doubts let me put them to rest. The Devil is very much alive here in the South and she wears lip gloss. When you first see her, you don't really notice anything notably different about her. In fact she could even be thought of as friendly and beautiful.

But make no mistake my friend, she is indeed a bunny boiler. Not just any ordinary bunny boiler. NOOO! She is what every other bunny boiler aspires to become. From her angelic batting of eye lashes, to her pouty glossed lips. She is perfumed, polished and perfectly clothed. No, she is not just any bunny boiler. She is their queen.

With her chameleon like personality, she adapts to her surroundings and to the people around her drawing them close to her. They feel they need to protect her, to do for her, to worship her. Because just as with every queen, she requires subjects or minion if you will. And as with every bunny boiler, she needs complete and total adoration from her friends and followers. As long as she is being adored and taken care of...You are one of the chosen. Should you stop fulfilling her constant need for attention, you will be cast aside and forgotten. If you're lucky.

If you should be unfortunate enough to fall in love with her. Just know there is no cure for her. No vaccine to make you immune to her self serving ways. So if you decide to become involved understand this...She is self centered, manipulative and at times vindictive. She is the human equivalent to tic tac toe....The only way to win is never to play the game.

If you see her coming your way do not be decieved into thinking she is just a harmless girl. If you refuse to listen to the warnings. Decide to ignore the lessons learned from the others that have come before you. Then do not be surprised when blinded by what you think is love turns out to be just another one of her manipulations and deceptions.

When you find yourself being run down, reduced to just another road kill. You dont have to ask who was driving the car that did you in. You will know.

If not, let me give you a hint....She was wearing lip gloss.

Predator Or Prey?

I read in the news paper that recently a local 14 year old boy had been arrested. His charges were:

• Soliciting to bring a 12 year old girl to town for the purposes of having sex with her.
• Possession of child pornography
• Transmitting child pornography over the internet.

With me so far?

Now the boy who thought he was speaking on the internet to a producer of pornographic films. He wasn't...He was in fact talking to an undercover police officer in the state of Pennsylvania.

The boy thought he was sending the 65 pornographic photos to this producer.

He also thought that he was negotiating with this said producer to be in one of his films. He had negotiated a price for his participation in the film and agreed that he would have sex with what he thought was the producers 12 year old niece. None of which was true obviously because this was really a undercover police officer.

The police officer..Who's job it is to monitor this type of behavior on the internet...Talking with the boy..At the time thought the boy was 20 years old. Because that's what the boy told him. He also knew there was no 12 year old girl because he had made that part up to go along with his cover story. He did receive the pornographic photographs from the boy...Who had in turn received them from an unknown source in England.

The undercover officer thinking that the boy is an adult and is using a home computer to contact him, contacts local law enforcement to set up a meet. To arrest what they thought to be 20 year old man at a local hotel. The boy thinking he was going to meet this producer and his niece and be filmed having sex with her shows up and promptly gets arrested.

Ok now here's where some of this all sort of bugs me....

First of all..Not to cut the kid any slack..He was completely in the wrong here. However..He is 14.. And not the brightest bulb on the tree for a number of reasons. Using a public library computer being just one of them...But he is still in fact a stupid kid. Does he really have the mental thinking at this point in his life to understand the consequences of his actions? Part of me thinks yes and part says no.

Secondly..He isn't randomly seeking out 12 year old girls to entice them into have sex with him. The fictitious young girl was offered to him via the undercover officer. Was it still wrong to accept the deal? YES OF COURSE IT WAS. But would he have done so if not prompted by the officer? I don't know..Maybe so.

The young kid in question also received his pornographic photos from another source..Out of the country. Where are these people? Who are they?

I guess while I find the kids behavior wrong on so many levels and I am in no way trying to defend it..Because lets face it, there is something wrong with his moral compass to consider entering into this deal at all.

But after hearing the details of what transpired. I have to ask myself is he predator or prey?

Welcome To My World

I woke up this morning at 5:30 am. I lay there in the dark trying to figure out why I couldn't sleep and why I was feeling so restless. About 7:30 or so when the parental units leave for work..I decided to get up...Pour myself an industrial size cup of coffee and check the email. Read a few blogs.

Ok that took all of about 5 minutes...Because lets face it hardly anyone blogs or even emails on the weekends...

I turned on the TV.....Dear lord what has happened to Saturday morning cartoons? Between those and the bad TV infomercial's...There is nothing going on there. Id would have even settle for reruns of American Chopper or the Biker Build Offs right now. But no such luck there.

I decide to opt for some music. Cranked up a little CCR...(Creedence Clearwater Revival) Which while I enjoyed it......it has just made me more restless for something to do. Or maybe that was the 3 cups of coffee I've had so far.

Normally Id be munching on some Special K Red Berries cereal about now......But this morning that's not sounding so great. So I decided to nuke the left over fettuccini. YES.. For breakfast. I've never personally understood why people get so ridged with what can and can not be consumed for a breakfast food. I can eat ice cream for breakfast and cereal for a night time snack. And occasionally do.

Id call a friend...But everyone I want to talk to right now, is to far away on the other side of the world and probably at work. Helping misguided Americans onto a trains. Lucky Americans.

I've been invited to do the regular weekend thing on the river or out at the lake. But the weather is looking sort of iffy right now. Maybe in a few hours that will improve.

Besides that, none of my local friends will be up this early. Most of them are never up at this time of the morning. Unless they just haven't gone to bed yet from the night before. Which is a definite possibility.

So here I sit ....Trying to blog. Completely bored out of my brain. And now after reading this....So are you.

Welcome to my world.

Not A Keeper

To say that my Dad was a wild child is an understatement. From some of the stories I hear..The wild part didn't stop in his youth either. He's pretty much stayed that way all the way up to this present day. If anything has slowed him down at all....It is most likely age and maybe his health.

While I wont say I approve of all my Dads behavior..Some of it is pretty scandalous. Every now and then there is a story that is told that you cant help but chuckle over.

Before I was born when he and my mom were in the first years of marriage, to say that my dad enjoyed a party is putting it mildly. It wasn't unusual for him to leave the house for a loaf of bread and get "side tracked". My Mom would not see him again till the wee hours of the morning or the next day. This as you can probably imagine did not sit so well with my Mom.

Usually it was my Moms habit to make a lunch for my Dad each morning. He carried a small cooler with him everyday for that lunch, which conveniently doubled as a beer receptacle in the evening.

One evening.....Dad getting "side tracked" the way he did on occasion, decided that he and a buddy would go fishing. Tell some lies, drink a few cold ones. Normally Id say this was a pretty harmless activity. The thing is..Its a probably a good idea to inform the Mrs you wont be home anytime soon before she sits up all night worrying about your sorry butt.

Anyway......Dad rolls up in the early morning hours...Just before daylight...Mom is, as you can probably guess, livid. So she's not exactly in the frame of mind for packing him a tasty lunch. Dad barely having any sleep from the night before and having to get up in a few hours for work, decides not to pack one for himself. Instead opting for some additional sleep time.

When lunch time rolls around that day...Everyone's sitting around in a group in the grass. Popping open their lunch boxes and enjoying their mid day meal. My Dad opens his cooler....All that's in there is a half eaten bag of potato chips from the day before and some dead shiners (small silvery colored fish) that he had used for bait on the fishing excursion.

Sitting next to Dad was a laborer...That was notably pretty annoying to most everyone else on the crew. The guy was one of those know-it-alls...Who couldn't be told or taught anything. He continuously fabricated these elaborate stories of his exploits on and off the job site. I believe in an attempt to try and appear cooler in the eyes of the more seasoned men on the job.

Well my Dad being no stranger to a tall tale or two...Saw the laborer lean over and sneak a peek into his cooler.

The laborer making a face says "What is that"?

My Dad "Its lunch".

Laborer "You are going to eat that"?

My Dad "Heck yeah, these are great. Haven't you ever eaten sardines before"?

Laborer...Making a skeptical face.. "Yeah, I have".

My Dad "Well these are sort of like that only better".

At this point.....My Dad takes two potato chips out of his bag and one of the less slimy of the shiners out of the his cooler. Places said fish between the two potato chips and bites it in two.

The laborer...Completely grossed out that my Dad just did this, turns his head away. While doing so, my Dad spits the morsel into his napkin and then pops another potato chip in his mouth and pretends to continue chewing as though he's never eaten anything finer.

There are now a few half grins on the faces of some of the other men sitting around observing this fishing expedition....But no one laughs or says a word...They just watch.

The laborer....turns his head back to my Dad and sees my Dad happily chewing what he thinks is the shiner and chips. Now...He's got this look on his face as though...hmmmm maybe this guys for real. This is when my Dad gets ready to set the hook.....

My Dad says "Would you like to try one? I usually don't share them, because I don't get to have them that often. But Ill let you try one since you've never had one before".

Now normally a guy who is secure with himself and has nothing to prove would have said "Nah man..You enjoy those". And that would have been the end of it. But this guy, was so wrapped up in being the man and appearing cool in front of the other guys.....He just couldn't bring himself to back down and refuse my Dads offer.

My Dad lets him reach in the bag grab two potato chips. Then hands the laborer a shiner. The nastiest.....Most slimy shiner in the box. The laborer places the shiner between the two potato chips and bites down.

Dad said you could see imediately by the look on his face that he realized this is not something he wanted to do. At this point...any other guy would have just spit it out and taken the good natured teasing from the other men and that would have been the end of it. But not this guy. He sees all the other guys along with my Dad watching him.....He's committed himself now and realizes he cant loose face and has to actually chew and swallow.

My Dad said the more he chewed the more you could tell he was going to loose it. Sure enough....the guy jumps up.....runs off to the nearest bushes and begins gagging up the shiner and chips....coughing and spitting.

The other guys sitting around all start laughing and shaking their heads at the laborers stupidity. Knowing full good and well if the guy wasn't such a know-it-all butt kisser, that he would never have gotten himself into that spot to begin with.

The rest of that day...the story of what had happened at lunch with the shiner spread all over the job site....Later that day after work.....

One of the guys asked my Dad...." Hey John, You catch anything with those shiners"?

My Dad not missing a beat says "Yeah I caught a laborer...But I had to throw him back".

Fried Chicken Salvation

Being someone who's grown up in a family of primarily Southern Baptists and a few scattered Nazarines.....I am no stranger to the inside of a church. However having said that, I will also tell you that I'm not one of their best customers either.

This is not to say that I don't have faith. Or that I don't believe in worship or in god. I do. I'm just not really good about getting in there on Sundays to hear the sermon.

I cant say that in my family I'm alone in this bad behavior. But I will say that the upper branches of our family tree frown down heavily on all those who choose to practice this as a rule.

This brings me to Great Uncle Mack. Uncle Mack is what could only be thought of as a sport model. The man has personality to burn. And from the whispers I've heard on occasion around our family reunions, a pretty colorful past back in the day.

Uncle Mack would be someone that the Great Aunts and the Grandmothers felt needed to be in church on a daily basis, for the rest of his days on this earth, just to make up for his misspent youth. Although they would never come right out and say that. In our family its one thing to look disapprovingly at ones relatives because of past indiscretions, its another to talk about it openly and call attention to them.

Its not that Uncle Mack didn't go to church and attend services. He did. But Uncle Mack was selective about his attendance. It usually coincided with a church social or some sort of covered dish dinner being held after church was over. Uncle Mack used to say, that was one time you could have six deserts on your plate and nobody thought any less of you for having them. As a matter of fact it was sort of an insult to those fine ladies of the church if you didn't at least sample all the baked goods on the table.

My Great Grandmother was always beside herself over Great Uncle Macks hit and miss attendance at services on Sunday. It didn't help matters at all to know that on the days he wasn't at church he was probably out at one of the family ponds trying to drown a worm. Fishing on Sunday is a BIG NO NO....

Once during one of our many family encounters, I heard my Great Grandmother start once again on the subject of Uncle Macks salvation. She proceeded to tell Uncle Mack he wasn't getting any younger and one of these days, probably sooner than later, he would be standing in front of his maker. Then what excuse would he have for not taking hold of salvation?

Uncle Mack said he wasn't opposed to salvation and he'd get around to it directly. But we knew that the only thing that got him in the front door on Sunday mornings were the get togethers and the food.

I once asked Uncle Mack while we were eating dinner at one of our family reunions.....We were both outside under the big oak tree munching on a Southern Baptist staple, fried chicken.

I said "Uncle Mack are you ever going to give in and just do what they want you to do"?

He said "Well girl....Its like this.....The way I see it.....I'm just one fried chicken dinner away from it now".

The Crossroads

What would you do to get your hearts desire? I don't mean just your wants or simple cravings. I mean the thing you desire more than anything else in the world. The thing that you see as priceless to you.

I know I have on occasion asked myself that question. I think everyone has at one time said "I would give anything if only"....

There is a story in the south about blues guitarist Robert Johnson. The legend says that Johnson traded his soul to the devil at the crossroads of US Highway 61 and US Highway 49 in Clarksdale, Mississippi in exchange for the gift of being able to become a famous blues guitar player.

The legend says that if you go to the crossroads a little before midnight and begin to play the guitar, a large black man would come to you and retune your guitar and hand it back to you. At this point you are supposed to have traded your soul in exchange for your new musical abilities.

I dont think that I would go as far as to deal with the devil to acquire my hearts desire. But maybe that's because of the way I was raised...I am in the bible belt..Hip deep in Southern Baptist values. I was taught there is nothing in this world that is worth sacrificing your soul for. When your a little kid, fear of damnation is some pretty big stuff.

Or maybe there is nothing in this world that I have ever wanted badly enough to risk hell fire and brimstone for.

What about you? Is there something that you want so badly? Something you cant stop thinking about..that you want... you need.... you have to have... That one thing you would do anything for. And if so..How far do you go?

A lot of people compromise their principles on a daily basis for the simplest wants....What about the really big ones?

The devil comes in many forms children....

Feeling Sentimental

Yes I admit it I'm sort of sentimental about my blog. Go figure... I never saw that one coming either.

Its been 14 months since Adrian got me interested in blogging. It started out sort of on a whim...With the blogs title and even my profile being sort of an inside joke between friends... But over time, I guess it sort of feels like home to me. If that makes any sense at all.

I have also had the chance to meet some really great people who have become my blog friends and family. They have changed how I view the world. I used to think of it as a pretty big place. Now I realize that the world and its people are a lot more like me than I ever imagined.

I don't get to tell all of them often enough how much I've enjoyed reading their blogs or even how much I have enjoyed getting to know them on a personal level. (I know I'm terrible about email sometimes) But I have and I do. So to you the bloggers who make me laugh and smile...

To my Jenn with "two N's...
I'm sorry to hear the home computer has gone to cyber heaven. I know you have been busy with camp and concerts and of course that sweetie pie second grader of yours...But thanks so much for the emails. I love catching up. But I miss your posts too...So come back ok.
P.S wow second grade..You are going to have to beat those little girls off with a stick MOM...lol

To Hullabelly.... I am so happy to see you are not only feeling good inside..But outside too...Congratulations on the new place. I wish I could bring you the traditional Oreo's and Milk house warming gift. But I'm with you in spirit if that helps. I'm glad your back posting.

To Dreadcow...I have always enjoyed our talks and emails...You never stop surprising me. lol Thanks for all the great advise and common sense talk. I can always count on you to be straight with me no matter what. I love that about you. Thanks for letting me be a part of things with you too..It means a lot to me. Hang in there you are in the short rows now..And in a few short weeks Dorothy, you will be back in Kansas.....Now go forth and POST!
PS I love your Mom too..She's great!

To Rocket...I sure didn't see you coming. But It was a nice surprise. I know you have a long road ahead of you right now. But remember..Those first steps out the door aren't moving you further from home...They are the first steps to coming back to it. I know your going to find the answer your looking for. But Ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Goodluck with T Lee. I hope its the happy ending you wanted. Hugs and kisses to Miss Zoe. And thank you for all you've done for me.

To Stephan...You have been a good friend. Your kindness and patience has meant a lot to me. Thank you so much. I'm glad I have been able to catch up with you lately online..You always get what Im thinking...it must be that brother from another mother thing...lol. I'm glad your feeling better too! You need to post! I want to see the new pictures and you better take some on the island this weekend. :)

To Adrian....I'm glad your back blogging. I'm happy you love the job and the new flat. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world on the new start. Edinburgh sounds like a nice place to be and they are lucky to have you. In case I forgot to say it..Thanks for everything over the past year...And thanks for my blog.

Exmi..I love reading your blog.. Who knew you were a man of so many talents and interests. You gotta love a guy who can bake like that...mannnnnn.
PS : Fencing to a fish is just another way of saying fillay : )

Jef.... Thanks for reading faithfully. Your little girl is so cute. Good job Daddy!

Yea I know this post was mushy and sentimental and probably meant nothing to anyone but me...But its my blog..And I'm proud to say these are some of my blog buddies.

The Time To Stop Digging

The key to digging a hole for yourself is this...Know when to stop digging. When you hit rock bottom..That's the time to stop.

I have dug many a hole for myself in my almost 20 years of life. I sometimes wonder if this is a bad sign. Lets face it...I'm not that old so most of those holes were probably done in my teen years. Which means for the last 5 to 8 years or so.....I have been one busy hole digging individual.

Some might point out that this is a clear indication that I'm not playing with all the cards in my deck. I unfortunately cant dispute this as a possibility. I have had similar thoughts of my own. I sometimes feel like I'm probably my own worst enemy. I know I'm my own worst critic.

I wonder at times why I have gotten to this point in my life where these melt downs occur. I try and reflect and analyze the events of my life to see exactly where I turned onto this road that has lead me to this place. While I see a lot of small clues in answer to this question. There doesn't seem to be any one point in which I have that "Ahhhhhhh" moment of saying "OK there it is".

If you've ever watched a bug caught in a spiders web before, then you may have an idea of the way I feel sometimes. Its as if the bug, going on with his normal buggy little life, isn't looking where he's going and BAM! He runs head first into the web. At first the said bug is sort of stunned. He has that "Hmmm how did I get here" sort of look. Then he realizes, well I don't think I care for this. I think Ill move along. But the more the bug moves.....The more he twists and turns and tries to escape the more entangled he becomes. Eventually he tires and gives up. Resigned to be wrapped up and lost.

I think sometimes I've let myself do that. I struggle so hard with things....I worry.....I over think...Until I exhaust myself. By then the things I struggled against seem so big and so overwhelming, that I sort of just give up. Resigned to the idea that this is where I'm stuck.

Maybe its time to stop struggling. To relax. Not that I want to be caught in this web I've gotten myself into. But the struggling isn't getting me anywhere. So maybe its time for a new plan.

I just have one problem I cant seem to get out of my head....Where is that spider?

Moment To Moment

Life can change in a split second. The things you thought you could count on forever can sometimes disapear in an instant.

Maybe it should be important to live in the moment. Not to keep looking over your shoulder at the regrets of the past or dwell to deeply on the day dreams of the future. But just enjoy what time you have as it happens.

Because one day it may just be gone.


I wish you had at least said goodbye.

This Is Not News......

They caught our President on camera saying the word "shit" to Prime Minister Tony Blair.

Yeah I know, I was shocked too. I was shocked they thought the President letting one fly was news worthy. Yes it might have been in poor taste or bad manners on his part. But the man is the leader of the free world.....And I would imagine he's got a lot of pressures that go along with the job. So to me its not really surprising that during what I would like to point out was a "private" discussion between himself and the Prime Minister Blair he let one fly out.

If the truth be told I've let one fly on occasion for a lot less....Although if you talk to my Mom. I will have to deny that I have any knowledge of such behavior.

The actual quote he said to Mr Blair was: “What they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it’s over,”

But speaking as a girl living in the south, who has a Mom who is big on manners...I bet Miss Barbara wasnt a happy camper. I'm sure the part where he said the "S" word wouldnt shock her nearly as much as the video of her son chewing food with his mouth open while talking to the Prime Minister.

If I'm not mistaken, I believe that's pretty standard stuff that all Moms drill into you when you are a kid..Its in the Moms rules and regulations handbook...Section two..paragraph three...."Elbows off table"...Say "Please and Thank you"....."Yes mam and No mam" and last but not certainly least "Don't talk with your mouth full" or "Chew with your mouth closed"

The way I see it getting caught saying the "S" word is the least of his worries.

Man + Woman = Sex...But not necessarily love.

I was talking to a friend about his feelings for a girl he's just recently met a month or so ago. Ill call her Sam. He seems to think a lot of Sam, at least he's told her he does. They have a lot of things in common..Share views on a lot of different topics and seem to really enjoy each others company. They both seem attracted to each other and share that sort of electricity or chemistry with each other. So naturally the topic of taking things to that next step has come up.

Neither Sam nor my friend are the promiscuous types. When talking to my friend about this aspect of the relationship and his desire to take that next step he said something's that not only made me admire him...But also made me think. He said that while speaking as a guy...His desire to sleep with Sam wasn't an issue. He knew he definitely wanted to and could...NO problem. But speaking as the guy who thought a lot of this girl....He knew he shouldn't unless he was in a place that he could offer her more of himself or a more serious relationship. And right now....As things stood in his life..He couldn't.

I respect that about my friend. I admire that he wants more from sex than just the physical enjoyment of the act. He wants it to actually mean something.

This talk also made me think. Men and women have widely different views on a variety of topics...Sex being just one. Men seem to view sex more in the physical. Where women generally approach it on more of an emotional level.

That's not to say that a man cant be emotionally attached to the woman he's being physical with. I think my friend proves that there are times when in fact they do. But the emotional connection isn't necessary for most men to engage in the physical act. They do not confuse the physical act of sex with the emotion of love. Women on the other hand quite often equate sex with love.

I'm not saying that a woman cant enjoy the physical aspect of sex..They can and definitely do. Or that a woman cant desire sex just for the sake of sex. They can. But more often women internally equate it with love.

Is this where we as women make a mistake? Most people today rush head long into relationships with out giving the relationship time to progress to the point that the emotional side of it can sustain the physical side. Lets face it..The chemistry part comes easy. In the beginning meeting someone new, its all fireworks..sparks and butterflies with combat boots. Its exciting.

But that's not the real love. That's the chemistry. Its biology taking hold. The lasting part, the real part takes time to develop. It takes time to really get to know someone on a level that you really genuinely know who they are. Most of us hold back in the beginning. We don't let everyone see that deeper part of ourselves right away.. It takes time because getting to know another person that deeply is like peeling away layers of an onion...Each layer reveals another aspect to this persons life..Their past..And their personalities.

If we waited..Gave ourselves that time to know the person....Would we still want to be physical after it was all said and done? Maybe...Maybe not.

Maybe thats why they say anything worth having is worth waiting for.

Who Needs All That Nasty Money?

All this time I had thought that working and earning money to buy the comforts I desire was the way to go. I mean isn't that what we are told? You work, you earn, you get part of the American Dream. The car, the family with 2.5 children, the dog named Peety and last but not least a house of your very own.

Ahhhh my friends....This is not so. Today I learned about a man who decided he wanted to live in a house but alas he had no job and no money. Whatever is a poor slacker to do? Well this guy didn't sit around with his nose pressed to the glass dreaming..NOPE!

Last summer this 26 year old man from Montreal looked at his desk and decided to trade a red paper clip on the internet to get his house. As far fetched as it seems that this would work, it did. It took him 14 trades but he did it. And that truly amazes to me. I suppose that's what happens when you think outside the box.

Some of us plod along doing the normal stuff..Day in day out..We follow all the right steps toward building a future...We start on A and then move to B and so on. But how many people would think up something this far out there, let alone actually do it? Ill tell you who..The same people who create all the things we use today. Like for example those guys who decided to create home computers in their garage...I think one of them was named Gates. I think maybe he's still around some where. Hmmmmmm.

Just in case you might be curious...The trades went as follows :

Traded the red paper clip to a woman in Vancouver for a pen that looked like a fish.

Traded the fish pen for a hand made door knob made by a potter in Seattle.

Traded the door knob to someone in Massachusetts for a camp stove.

Traded the camp stove to a US Marine in California for a 100 watt generator.

Traded the generator to someone in Queens for an instant party kit. Contents :An empty keg and an illuminated Budweiser beer sign.

Traded the Instant Party Kit contents to a Montreal radio host for Bombardier Snowmobile.

Now from here I'm not sure where the trading went to......The news report I saw and read only said that at this point he barters his way all the way up to a chance to spend the afternoon with rocker Alice Cooper and a Kiss Snow Globe. He then takes these and trades them for a paid role in a movie actor Corbin Bernsen is making.

If the next question your asking is why would actor Corbin Bernsen trade for a Kiss Snow Globe? Well paper clip guy asked the same question. Apparently Mr Bernsen is a huge collector of Snow Globes. Go figure!

Finally.......The Town of Kipling Sack. contacted him and traded the role in the movie for a farm house. The fact that the paper clip mans last name is MacDonald I'm sure is just purely coincidental.

So there you have it. Mr MacDonald aka the paper clip guy...And his girl friend are flying to see their new house next week sometime...I think they are even giving him the keys to the city. Not to bad right?

The town of Kipling is going to hold a competition in the town to see who gets the movie role they traded the farm house for.

All in all though, you have to admire this guy. I mean how many of us have sort of sat around day dreaming up all kinds of what seemed like crazy things we could do to make money. The only thing that holds us back is that we see them as so far out there we never give it a try. Maybe its time to change that.

If your like me, this story at least makes you say Hmmmmmm.

To Forgive And Forget: And the fear that follows...

You know how I hate getting up on the soap box and being preachy....

OK OK..Stop laughing....

Anyone who knows me or reads this blog for all of 5 seconds knows that Im up and down off of my soap box so often its become an aerobic work out. And as far as being preachy goes..Listen closely and you can probably hear the choir singing.

So I suppose its safe to say that I do have an opinion. About pretty much everything. And If I don't when first asked..You can rest assured.. That given enough time to think about it and puzzle the subject out, I will probably form one.

I know that I have made my share of mistakes. Im still making them. I would like to think I can learn from those mistakes and not repeat them. But if Im honest about it, there are certain choices I have made that seem to just keep coming back to me.

The people in my life that I have chosen to fall for are a good example. I think probably everyone has gone through a break up at least once in their lives. I suppose how you view that break up depends on whether you were the one dumped or the one doing the dumping. There are also the reasons behind the breakup, what caused it to happen.

I think there are a lot of minor offenses that can end a relationship. But probably the biggest worst one in my eyes is infidelity. I think that one not only hurts the person because they have been cheated on ..But it destroys something deep inside you. It causes you to doubt yourself. To think that maybe there is something wrong with you or inside you that made this person do this to you. Even if you know rationally you did nothing to cause it. It still leaves lasting scars in your heart and your head full of doubts.

I think holding on to bitterness and anger is unhealthy. But its hard sometimes after something like that not to start to think Ill never let someone make me feel or look foolish again. You become a little jaded and start to wonder if all men or women are evil at the core. If there is anyone that can be trusted again. At some point we have to decide to let it go. But how?

Its not that a person cant forgive the act. I think they can. But its more difficult to forget. Someplace always in the back of your mind you know that this person who you trusted with the deepest part of yourself betrayed that trust. And even if you could forget it..Should you? Isn't that how we learn..The mistakes we make. Is trusting someone who didn't deserve that trust a mistake? Or do we rationalize why they did it when we forgive them?

I have never been the one doing the breaking up..I have always been the one getting dumped. Which is sad to have to admit..Because I have personally been cheated on numerous times. It would be nice to say I was too smart to let something like that happen to me. But Im human and I guess sometimes its hard to walk away from someone you really care deeply for even if you know on some level they are wrong for you.

One of the things I always preach to my friends about is that everything in life is a choice. The only things we can control for sure is ourselves. If we decide to stay with someone knowing they are wrong for us. Then that's our choice. If they are the type to cheat. Then they are. There is nothing you can do to make them remain faithful or into the person you want them to be. And something that I have learned the hard way is that you cant or shouldn't fool yourself into thinking that you will be the one to make them want to change. That with you it will be different. Because the odds are you wont.

If you decide to stay with them regardless of the facts. Then accept them the way they are. Accept that they will never be true to you. Accept that part of having this person in your life is the clear certainty that you will always be uncertain about everything they say and do. It doesn't mean because you choose them that you deserve to be treated badly. But if you make that choice and they do treat you badly. Don't complain about it. It was your choice. If you don't like it, and don't want to be treated that way then make another choice and don't be. Cut your loses and move on.

It wont be easy to walk. It never is. I think it becomes a question of love for yourself. Of knowing the kind of person and life you want for yourself and feel you deserve to have. If youre a caretaker type personality and not used to putting yourself first. Think of it this way. This person who is doing this to you isn't putting you first in their life...Don't you at least deserve that from the one person who should love you..YOURSELF.

After thinking about this a long long time. I suppose speaking for myself, its never been a question of forgiving. Because in my situation..Forgiveness wasn't called for. Its not a question of forgetting. Because I never can. Its just the type of person I am. But I think the worst part is the small fear. Not that this could happen to me again. I have already accepted that as a possibility. After the first 4 or 5 times it happens..That just becomes a given.

The part that scares me the most. The part that keeps me treading water instead of swimming forward, are the doubts I have about my own choices. What is wrong with my own internal radar that keeps steering me in the wrong direction? Because its not that I don't logically understand and know. Yet still.....

I have come to realize its not a lack of faith in others that stops me in my tracks, its a lack of faith in myself.

The One Year Anniversary

Its now approaching the first anniversary of my blog. It doesn't seem like its been a whole year of subjecting everyone to my very opinionated views of the world and life in general. But the calendar doesn't lie.

It was a year ago that I met the person who introduced me to the blog world. Before that I had no idea what a blog was let alone have a desire to write my own. But as it turns out I really enjoy blogging. The Deep End Of The Pool has really become a part of me.

My first blog post "Chivalry isn't Dead: Its just an Endangered Species" was inspired by the guy who got me into blogging. Since then I am very pleased to be able to say that not only do these good men still exist..But I have been priveledged enough to meet a few others who I feel fall into the "chivalrous" category.

Even though there are other chivalrous men out there. The first one will always hold a special place in my heart and in my life. So to him I say "Ek varlang na jou and lief vir jou".

To all of you who stop by to read this blog...Thank you for your comments, for letting me hear your thoughts and opinions, and letting me see a little of your world through the eyes of your blogs. I've loved being here.

Day Dreams Of The Future

I have been thinking about what kind of life I want. I'm starting to realize that when I daydream about it...I'm not thinking in terms of what kind of a job Ill have or how much money I will be making. Yes I guess those things are important. After all it helps if you don't hate going to work each and every day. And not struggling to pay the bills and feed the bulldog would be a plus too.

(For those of you who don't get southern speak..I don't really want a bulldog. Its just an expression. *grin*)

But when I do sit back and think about it. I would like a house. In the country or in the burbs I don't really care..As long as its a quite neighborhood with trees. One of those places kids can still ride their bikes. If they still exist.

The house doesn't have to be big...Just big enough for myself and the man of my dreams. And maybe eventually down the road a kid or two or three. Whatever we are blessed with will be ok with me.

It will have lots of windows...The kind that go almost to the floor. The kind that make the house sunny on good days...And on days when the weather is right..I can open the windows and let the curtains blow in the breeze. I can hear the night sounds...I can hear the kids out in the yard laughing as they play hide and seek in the shadows at dusk. Or I can watch the firefly's when they come out in the summer time.

It will have a huge wrap around porch with a swing on it some place. It will have a humming bird feeder hanging by the window so I can watch the birds come to drink. And plenty of hooks that I can hang big pots of flowers on in the spring. Maybe even some big french doors that come off of the bedroom or the kitchen so I can walk outside in the cool of the morning and drink my coffee. Or sit outside and watch the sun set.

It wont be filled with expensive things...Just comfortable things that feel like home. It will have finger painted pictures on the frig. A big kitchen with herbs growing on the window sill...And a huge table where the kids can make cookies...Getting flour and cookie dough everywhere...Much to their fathers dismay I'm sure.

There will be one big dog and one small one...Who will play with the kids and beg for warm cookies at the door. Leaving doggy nose prints on the glass. There will be homework at the table in the evenings while dinner is being cooked...And everyone piled up on the bed at night for stories.

I will go to softball or baseball games...Dance recitals and field trips. I will be there when they get home from school and enjoy raising them with the man of my dreams.

The man of my dreams is kind and intelligent. He treats me with respect and makes me feel loved and beautiful. He makes me laugh and melts my heart. He will be my biggest fan and he will be my hero. I will be his support system and his cheerleader when he needs it. I will be his sounding board when he needs to talk. I will lift him up so that he feels there is nothing in this world he cant do. And in turn he does the same for me. He is my bestfriend. The person I can tell all my deepest secrets to, all my fears and all my joys. He knows my strengths and all my weaknesses and loves me despite of them all. He makes me feel lucky to have this life , to share it with him. And I will treasure it as more priceless than anything else I could possibly imagine.

Fate or Freewill

Ok, maybe I'm over thinking again.....Yes I know its a problem. Cut me some slack alright. I'm just trying to figure life out one puzzle piece at a time. *smile*


Some believe in destiny or fate. They believe that our lives are preordained. That the story of our lives is already written, the path we travel is already mapped out.

I personally don't believe in destiny. I believe we are given free will. I believe each choice we make on a daily basis alters the course of our life. Even those choices we don't even notice as choices because they are so small and insignificant alter our path in some way.

Think about it. The simplest choice we make can cause a chain reaction that would literally change the course of our lives and in doing so change us forever. But only if we let it. For example, meeting someone. We meet how many people over a the span of a life time? Granted most are only causal meetings at best. Maybe a brief "excuse me" if we bump into someone. Maybe a small conversation while waiting in line. Or even a comment left on someone's blog. Then we move on with our day and our lives and the meeting becomes nothing more than an afterthought.

Unless we make the choice to make it more. Think of the thousands of decisions we make each and every day. Only a small fraction of those choices could be what we may think of as a major change or important to us at the time. But each person we meet. Each road we travel. Each corner we turn is in some way is affecting what happens to us next. And in turn maybe our futures.

If we decide that our lives are predestined to play out a certain way. We are to be married to a certain person..Live a certain life or have a certain job. They what is the point of trying? If this life is already mapped out for us. If all the huge choices have already been decided and set into some cosmic stone....Then why stress out about any of it? Why worry if we accomplish anything in our lives? If the choices are made then no matter what we do the outcome is still the same.

When that random opportunity arises...And that special thing just falls into our laps..That special person that we felt was a one in a million chance of meeting..That dream job...That once in a life time thing...That is not destiny speaking to us...That is not fate that steps in and pulls strings. That is just us taking advantage of situations as they arise...Making choices that steer us to one outcome or another. Sometimes these choices benefit us...And sometimes they have a negative affect on us. But either way its still us..Making a choice and then living with the consequences of that choice for good or bad.

Why am I thinking about this? I suppose its because I am at the beginning of my road. I am thinking about the choices that I have made to get me to this point. I am thinking about all the "what ifs". And maybe wondering what choices I might make today that might change my life tomorrow.

The Road To Hell

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I now understand what this means. I unintentionally hurt a friend. I did this by trying to be his friend and in doing so, getting a little too close and involved in parts of his private life that were really none of my business.

I didn't start out to do this. I am too opinionated and I have a very bad habit of voicing those opinions. And while the two cents that I threw into his path seemed to help him for a short time. He seemed to get some renewed strength from the fact he realized his thinking wasn't off base. That it was normal and even human to have all those thoughts and emotions he was feeling. It was still wrong for me to behave as though I had all the answers.

I don't and wont ever regret getting to know him and be a small part of his life. Because he was and is a good and decent person. And anytime you have the privileged of getting to meet someone like that its never a bad thing. My mistake was not letting a very sensitive and private matter stay just that.....Private.

I figured out to late that just because we are given the details to someone's personal life, doesn't mean we have a license to comment on it. Its far to easy to sit on the sidelines being an armchair quarterback. Telling them what play you would make if it were you. Because in truth its not you. You don't have the same things at stake. You don't have the same things to loose as they do. When its not your life its too easy to comment without having to worry about the consequences of your views. Its not quite the same for the person who's having to live it.

Its easy to do the wrong thing and then try and justify yourself by saying you are doing it for the right reasons. Because unintentional or not..The end result is still the same and the damage is done. So to my friend for over stepping my bounds with our friendship...Rocketman, I know that saying I'm sorry doesn't seem like very much. They are just words. But I am and I mean that sincerely.

Always your friend,
Jen

Gummy Worms, Sunglasses and Satan's Spawn

I never shopped at the Dollar Store much before. Because before I was usually spending my Moms money.....So the truth is the cost of things really didn't mean that much to me. However now that I have a job and have to use my own cash to make my small purchases...Its truly amazing how thrifty I have become.

Well today I'm in the dollar store picking up the few odd items. Just for those of you who have never had the pleasure of shopping at a Dollar Store.....Let me tell you, its a veritable treasure trove of useless junk, all of which you will think you have to have. All at the bargain price of......You guessed, it a dollar!

Today though I have my arms full of things I really didn't need....Like that extra pair of flip flops that just caught my eye.....Those cheap sunglasses that you need for each and every summer.....The shampoo with that fruity smell I like....A couple of black cherry candles.....A picture frame and one package of gummy worms. The last one was an impulse item at the check out counter.

Anyway I'm standing there with my arms loaded down. I should have gotten one of those little baskets to put my stuff in, I know.....But I was only coming in there to get an air freshener for my car, so I didn't think I needed one. Which if you will notice wasn't on the above mentioned list of items I walked out of the store with.

So, I was standing behind a woman with a small child in a buggy. This child was approximately 4 years old. And obviously not very well behaved, because from the moment I entered the store I was aware of his presence by his tantrum like screams and his mother yelling at him.

Normally I would have just ignored the little dirt eater and gone on with my day. But this is where he got me. As I stood there patiently waiting for my turn at the cash register, I hear the for mentioned tot...Refer to me as A..... "Doody Head". I being the adult in this situation...Just ignored the child's comment and pretended as though I hadn't even heard him. Something his mother also seemed to be doing. But then, it happened again..."Dooooody Head".

OK now the little midget was starting to annoy me. But I was still perfectly willing to ignore him...Until he pulled out a weapon. He was caring a semi automatic squirt gun...Loaded. He takes aim....Grins at me really big.....I give him one of those you better not if you know what's good for you looks...He just grins again..And says "Doody Head" and opens fire on the front of my T-shirt.

Now at this point...I've got a large wet spot on the front of me..And I've been called a Doody Head at least 3 times. I'm thinking its time to take the little monster down. He was less than 3 feet tall. So I seriously considered taking that gun away from him and turning it back on him and giving him a taste of his own medicine. But he was with his mother...Hmmm.... I sized her up too..She looked like she was a malnourished 98 pounds...And I noticed the two packs of cigarettes in her purse...She wasn't in great shape...Possibly a chain smoker...I believe I probably could have taken her down too along with the kid.

During this entire time..She pretended not to notice that her kid was calling me out...Or that he fired upon me without provocation. I was this close to giving in and starting one of those small town Jerry Springer moments right there in the check out line of the local Dollar Store...When the kids mom finishes her transaction and grabs her buggy and pushes it and the little spawn of satan out the door.

Then I started thinking. If that had been my mom...And I had the poor judgment to use the words Doody Head in her presence let alone direct it at a grown up...She would have torn me up. She wouldn't have waited until we got out to the car to inflict punishment on me..She would have snatched my butt out of that buggy and torn it up right then and there...Then dared anyone in the store to call those child abuse people because she had just disciplined her child. She probably would have continued the discipline by washing the ever loving taste out of my mouth when she got me home too.

I thought the phrase "shut up" was swearing up until I got older..And even now..I still don't say those words. My mom had a thing about manners..You said please and thank you..Yes Mam, No Mam...And you never and I mean never called someone names like Doody Head.

Now I will say this..As a child I didn't get many spankings. Not because I didn't misbehave..But because usually all my mom had to do was give me that look and I knew one more step and my life wasn't going to be a happy one. She had this quiet sound to her voice...That one that you knew was meant only for you to hear..And that you knew if you heard it..Things were going to get ugly.

I would like to think as a child I just had enough common sense to know better and avoid these incidents. But truly I just knew not to mess with my mom. If she said NO...You can pretty much take it to the bank that's exactly what she meant. And she wasn't going to change her mind.

Now if your thinking that I was scared of my mom...Heck yes I was! But I guess a little healthy intimidation is just good parenting. Whatever she did it must have worked. You don't hear me using the words Doody Head do you?

Perfect Imperfections

I think most of us have imperfections. Its what makes us all human. I myself will be the first one to tell you that I am riddled with them. I am the veritable Swiss Cheese of imperfections. These imperfections or flaws in my personality, my body and my nature are what make me unique and an individual.

They are also the things that probably have driven my parents to drink. And some of my friends to the brink. But love me or hate me....What you see is pretty much what you get.

I am probably my own worst critic for a reason. I have thought about it and I suppose I do expect perfection from myself. A goal that I know is impossible to achieve. But still, I cant help feel the need to go for it anyway.

I am completely opinionated. I love to think about things..I puzzle them out and turn them over..I have to take ideas all apart and see what makes them tick. I think about it all and then the logic comes to me..The reason in a situation..The purpose for the being of it all.

Now granted..This is my own personal logic and not always one shared by the masses. All of whom I do inflict my opinions on quite frequently. But still, if you know me at all..Its just something you expect. If you like me..Its something you live with..And if you love me..Those thoughts and opinions are actually something you love to hate.

The other day..A good friend of mine had the audacity to refer to me as a "Drama Queen". Now I cut the boy some slack, because he obviously had no idea what kind of hole he had just dug for himself by saying these words. TOO ME! Me of all people..Can you believe that? I know I was shocked too.

But if the truth be told...And this is between you and me. I suppose if I try and be objective....I can sort of see how he would think that about me from time to time. Ok yea I can try and see both sides of the coin. I think in images..I speak in descriptions of the pictures I visualize...I write the same way..So if I'm happy I describe the reason for happy...If I'm sad..Well you get the idea.

Oddly enough though sometimes these descriptions depending on how upset I happen to be at the time..Can be very what I would even call dramatic. So ok..That sort of makes me a some what of a drama queen.

I suppose it wouldn't have bothered me so much except I really dislike those who inflict drama. It bugs me that some will stir that sort of thing up just to get noticed. I personally enjoy being in the background..Watching..Listening. I think you learn more that way.

Is it wrong to be opinionated? Is it wrong to want to blend into the background to watch and listen? Is it wrong to sometimes be a drama queen because you get passionate about certain things? I don't know.

Maybe, maybe not....But either way love me or hate me..What you see is what you get.


"ATTENTION ALL READERS THE DRAMA QUEEN HAS NOW LEFT THE BUILDING" (smile)