Saturday, June 09, 2007

Dont Drink The Water

I have been sitting here in relative safety watching from a distance as one after another of my friends and peers becomes engaged / married or learns they are expecting a child. Now these aren't things that are really all that unexpected. I mean that is part of life...people do eventually get married..they do start families. Its the normal course of things isn't it?

However seems as though that trend, at least with my peer group, has picked up speed. It seems as though a huge number of people that I personally associate with have decided to fall on their swords and make those sort of big life altering changes.

I'm not sure whats prompted all this activity. I had considered the possibilities of the full moon. Or maybe the time of the year, sort of a spring fever. Maybe its an age thing. Do you hit a certain point in development and your body automatically tells you its time to mate and reproduce?

Now please don't misunderstand me....I'm not putting down their choices. I just realize that at this point in my life its not for me. I do admittedly at some point want to marry. I suppose I would even like to have the chance to screw up a child of my own some day. But I just realize that right now, there are things personally that I need to accomplish before I can be part of a married couple.

I think one of the strongest things about a married couple is their individuality. Each person needs to be a whole person when entering the couple relationship. I don't think you should enter a relationship expecting the other person to sustain you. While love, commitment, compatibility, values, goals are important factors to making a successful couple. Its important that each person is also able to be independent of each other too.

I see a lot of my friends making this fatal mistake over and over again. They become a couple and then expect the girlfriend or boyfriend to give up everything they were before the relationship and morph into this attached at the hip, can not breath their own air new person. Who cant be happy unless they are in the couple environment. I have never understood why they would even want to do this.

Personally, I want to bring something with me when I enter a relationship. I want to have something to contribute and offer. I want to be able to help build the life I will share with the guy who decides to put up with me. He will have to be able accept my flaws as well as my strengths. The same way I will accept his. I don't want a guy I have to change to make him fit me as part of a couple. I want to like him and respect him long before I fall in love with him or I agree to marry him.

Because lets face it...if you cant respect and admire the other persons values, goals and thinking as an individual...Do you really think that becoming a couple will change any of these things?? Big mistake if you do.

I realize nothing is written in stone. If the right person asked me....who knows what I would do. But I think before I strap on the white dress and march down the isle. I think Ill get my education out of the way first. I want to be more of the person I need to be before taking on the challenges of a married person.

Until then I wont worry about whats caused this exodus of my friends to the next steps in life.....I will just sit back and watch the parade of peers taking the plunge. I will even smile and waive and wish them well as they pass by. As for me, I will continue to focus on the task ahead of me.....getting my education.

But just in case, to be on the safe side....I wont be drinking the water here either.