Hello World

Yes I know its been awhile. I'm sorry Ive neglected you. So how are you? Hows the family? Read any good books lately? Heard any music that has your heart pumping? What do you think about whats going on in the world right now?

In case you wondered, I'm doing fine. Still in school and on the deans list. Or I was until I hit a small academic pot hole called Math. It has been suggested that I might be mathematically challenged if you can believe that. But I'm not going to allow this to slow down my forward momentum...I feel fairly confident that given enough time and chocolate I will conquer this minor set back as well.

I did have a small epiphany of sorts...I just realized how now being mentally ready for school has made such a huge difference in the way I view the entire process. I know now that I made the right choice to wait. Had I started a couple of years ago, I might be farther along with my goals...But I don't think I would have gotten as much out of the experience as I am now.

I just recently had to purchase a new laptop. My old one, my favorite piece of technology and good friend to me, finally died a quick and silent death. Please observe a moment of silence now....May it rest in peace.

The new laptop is OK...but its new. I haven't quite gotten used to the foreign feeling of the key board..or the sounds it makes..and it has windows VISTA! I have to tell you, this was not a selling point in its favor. I do not care for this new version. In fact I will go as far as to say it BITES. However, I will concede that possibly the ill feelings I have for this Operating System are due to me being a creature of habit who enjoys the familiar. Not that I cant adapt to change..I can and I guess I will. But its not a change I would have taken willingly. So DAMN YOU Bill Gates! If its not broke stop trying to fix it.

On a national note...Gas prices have decreased along with interest rates...which would be a wonderful thing by themselves. Unfortunately in this case its merely a sign that our economy is sick and circling the bowl. Which in turn makes for a weaker dollar and a weaker nation....SO that sound you hear..that gurgle...that's the sound of our nation choking. And I'm not sure what it will take to breath life back into to it.

Yes I know...Its time for a change. Isn't that the mantra of the day? Well maybe it is time for changes to be made. Perhaps its time to do some house cleaning and get rid of the old school way of conducting business. And it seems as though the the vast majority seem to think since we have been free thinking and open enough as a nation to finally elect the first black American into the highest office this country can offer that we are all on the right track to make those changes. I'm not so sure.

I have many concerns about our new leader and I wont deny I didn't care for him as a candidate for president. I will concede that he has a charismatic way of speaking that draws people in...I'm just not quite convinced he is who he has portrayed himself to be. I have concerns that he like most others before him have spun a public persona that was intended to win the support of the public and get him into the oval office. Which worked...so what happens now?

I am not like so many others who would like to see him crash and burn. I don't want this because ultimately I know if he fails...then we as a country will fail too. And I want our country to recover and thrive. But I worry that to many see him as the political equivalent of the messiah...someone who will walk on water and turn the water into wine. I am concerned that we are putting to much emphasis on the fact he is a black man. As if this is going to change what he can do for us as a nation. I am concerned that this fact alone is a double edge sword. On one hand there will be those who put him under a microscope to dissect his every move in minute detail...and wait to pounce on each mistake. And then there will be those who think he can do no wrong and will make allowances and excuses for any bad behavior or wrong choice.

I am not blind to the historical significance of it all. But I am not swayed by the color of the mans skin either. Show me you can do the job. Show me you are a man of character. Then Ill support you all the way. But I have to be honest..so far you haven't shown me much in either of those departments. But I will wait and see like everyone else and hope for the best.

His choice of Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State didn't do much to sway me in his favor. He tapped a woman who not only has the most minimal experience and expertise internationally.....But also a woman who claimed she was met with sniper fire during her trip to Bosnia....when in fact the only thing she was greeted with was a small child with a flower. Her retelling of that story repetitively during her campaigning shows me she is not an honest individual. Not that I ever thought she was. But do we want someone like that as our Secretary of State?

I have to also wonder if this promotion was in anyway a response to Ms Clinton bringing her support and those voters that would have followed her to the Obama side of ticket? Washington has always been a city of favors done and favors given. We will see.

Dating, Sex and Singleness

I have no reason to complain...and this isn't really a complaint....more just thoughts written down.

Here I am almost 22. After a little struggle and much procrastination, Ive figured out a plan for my life. Well maybe not my entire life, but at least this part of it.

This year Ive moved from the parents house to a place of my own in a new city. Ive begun a new job...(one only meant to pay the bills and put a little cash in my pockets while in school) and was promoted soon after I began. Which while the job itself and the promotion isn't a huge deal....it will put a few more dollars in my weekly paychecks and that's always a good thing. I began going to a new University. I'm still in the early stages of my chosen program, but so far I'm making straight A's. Ive gotten a new puppy a few months ago...who at this moment is completely house broken and as it turns out is pretty smart. Everyone who meets him seems to fall in love with him, and that's sort of cool. Ive got some really great roommates we get along very well...and a small circle of close friends near and far that I'm grateful for. The parents have backed off a great deal, letting me stand on my own...but still remain supportive. That all in itself is a nice change.

So all in all...I'm moving in what could be considered a positive forward motion right? So why do I still feel so restless?

Ive never felt the need to follow the crowd, not being one of those type people who have to do it because everyone of my friends are doing it. But I have to admit when I look around and see people all around me in serious relationships, it makes me feel a little envious.

Ive never had a problem being single. Ive always been OK with being on my own and never felt the need to have to be dating someone continuously. Ive never felt the need to have an escort each time I go out. And its not even that I'm in envy of a certain situation or individual couple. I guess its just that, I am reminded of what it felt like to have someone significant in my life. To have that feeling of closeness and connection with another person. I think that's what I'm missing.

But since I'm not dating and haven't been for well over a year or so....it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where I'm going wrong does it? Girl wants someone in her life, so girl needs to date in order to find that someone who fits that life. Seems so simple and its generally how its done I'm told. The thing is I don't feel like the situations or people out there make me feel like I want to take that step.

A long distance friend of mine and I were talking and he made the statement that he couldn't understand why I wasn't being pursued or asked out. He asked if there was something wrong with American guys? No...there isn't I guess...I suppose they are probably like guys anywhere. And I told him that it wasn't a case of not being asked...it was more one of me not accepting those invitations. So the fact that I am in this situation at all is of my own making. I know this...and again I'm not complaining.

But I do wonder if maybe I'm just backwards in my thinking. Maybe its not my situation, but my expectations of what I want that are off base. I used to think that if I were patient and waited, it would just happen on its own. But now I'm honestly not so sure. What if I'm wrong?

Ive always believed you cant go out and replace someone you were in love with. It doesn't work that way. You cant fill a void left by one person by trying to recreate that feeling with another. (or at least I cant) And a lot of times it feels as though people want to hurry to quickly into making a serious relationship out of an early infatuation. They barely know someone before they are professing their love and talking of a future. How can you say the words "I love you" to someone you barely know? Most of the time you haven't had enough time to find out if you can even like them long term let alone love them. Isn't love something you discover about them as time goes on and you see who they are?

Not to mention, Do I really want a guy who tells each and every girl he dates hes in love with her? How then can I be sure that if and when he says it to me it is different or that I am different to him than all the others that came before me? And if you say those words to everyone you date doesn't it lessen their importance and significance? It seems as if it would almost desensitise the real value of what that all is supposed to mean.

Then there is sex. Not something I'm opposed to. But not something I feel I want to do with each guy I go on a date with either. Although that does seem to be the way its done now. Its seen as just sex, and isn't supposed to be more or mean more than that....The thing is....if I don't care enough about you to be able to say I love you to you, then how can I share the rest of myself with you? Maybe it boils down to not thinking it out that far"? Maybe I'm not supposed to be thinking of what the consequences or where it goes after...just of enjoying the moment? Is it all just live and let live?

And I have to wonder....if I abandon my previous thinking...and I just follow the new tide...will I really find what it is I really want. Which is something real, that feeling...that connection that one person who knows me inside and out.

One day several months ago the same friend who had asked me about dating and I were having one of those really great talks about anything and everything...And out of the blue he gave me a really great compliment....He said "You know Jen, you really are an exceptional girl, really very genuine". Knowing him, I'm sure he didn't mean anything significant by saying this...it was just a simple observation during the course of one conversation. But to me it meant a lot. Because in a world where it sometimes feels more important as to what I am...he maybe every so briefly saw who I am.

And who knows....if he could see something....maybe someone else will take the time to as well.

License To Procreate

I posted last about a 47 year old father who thought it would be a good idea to provide his 15 year old son with some heavy duty prescription drugs, because he felt he needed to teach his son how to "party right" His son later died of accidental overdose.

The suggestion was made that maybe we need to require someone to have a license to be able to become a parent? We are required to have licenses for a great many other things in life. Things like driving a car, getting married, practicing medicine, selling alcohol, carrying a gun....even cutting hair or owning a pet requires a license.

So when it comes to something as important as raising a child into a healthy adult should we need a license for that too?

I SAY NO!

I will be the first to say that stories like the one above, where parents are clearly not parenting. They make me angry, beyond angry. I think if you want to screw up your life as an adult. SO be it..go for it. You wont be alone, there will be plenty of other losers out there in the world who are also tossing their lives away just like you are to keep you company. At least until you are useless to them....because people like that are usually only there as long as the party lasts...after that they are vapor.

But when there is a kid involved. Then, its no longer OK. It doesn't matter what you want. It only matters whats best for your child. END OF STORY.

But does this mean that a license to be a parent is the answer?

NO, I don't think it is.

First of all, its not the job of the government to guide us as parents nor should they dictate to us whether we can become parents. And if we do give them that sort of control, then what? Do they then also tell us what type of discipline we can administer as parents? Do they get to tell us what programs our children can view, what movies and music, what time they have to be in bed at night, what type of foods they can or cant eat? OK maybe that sounds a bit extreme. But the point its its not a governments job to raise our kids. Its OUR job and we need to start taking it more seriously.

Lets go one step further.....who is going to make sure this license system is enforced? Do we have parent police then? Do we stop new parents at the hospital doors and ask....let me see your license before you can take your child home? Do we deny patient care for pregnant women who cant prove they have the proper paper work?

Then we also have to ask...HOW DO WE MONITOR SEXUAL ACTIVITY? Because bottom line..that's what we are talking about here. We have to have a way to keep people from reproducing before they are able to be licensed to do so. Is that really the way we want this to go?

It was said that children are treated as property.....No children aren't property. But to consider giving ANYONE but the parent the right to determine what is or isn't best for their child isn't a good idea either. Government isn't the answer for every ill we suffer in society.....We shouldn't be making more laws or rules we dont have the means to enforce.

It all comes down to a question of adult responsibility doesn't it? For those parents who cant be bothered to pay attention to where your kids are or what they are doing.....who think its better to be your kids pal, or party buddy....... Put down the beer in your hand get off your lazy butts and realize that you are the one who is supposed to be setting the example for your kids. Its time to raise the bar instead of sitting in one, its time to start being adults....to stop being the big spoiled, irresponsible, self centered children in adults clothing.

Grow the hell up, your kids actually need you.

Better to be Raised by Wolves

I honestly believe some people would have been better off being raised by wolves. This is a good example of such a situation.

A 47 year old father and I use the term "father" loosely...since it only applies to the mans biology and not his parenting skills....A 47 year old father gave his 15 year old son some powerful prescription drugs because he wanted to show the boy how to "party right".

This genius who was arrested on Friday is now being charged with third degree murder in the death of his son who died of an accidental overdose in June. According to witnesses the "father" had showed his son how to crush up and snort pills like oxycodone and the heroin substitute methadone.

What an incredible father-son bonding moment that must have been. How proud he must be knowing he was able to show his 15 year old son how to party like a rock star right before he died.

The father who had originally told police he kept those medications locked up so no one could get to them was caught on tape later telling another story to his sons friends....where he said he admittedly gave the drugs to his son to teach him how to party.

I realize that there are certain criteria that they follow to determine the degree of murder a person is charged with....But I say this guy is being cut to much slack. I think third degree murder is too good for him. IN FACT....this is one of those situations I say we forgo the trial formality completely and just strap him in a chair and throw the switch. In fact in this particular case Id volunteer to do it.

Maybe that might sound harsh to some...But this is the way I see it. You come into this world not of your own making. Your PARENTS choices are what bring you into being. At the moment of birth you are still given no choices of your own...You are still completely dependant on your parents for your care and your total survival. It is they you count on for food, shelter and protection from the outside world. But when a parent betrays that by abusing the child, verbally, sexually, physically or morally...then at that point the parent is no better than the monsters that they are supposed to be keeping at bay.

I realize that some people might have had less than idyllic childhoods....BUT there does come a point in time where you have to become an adult, making adult choices and no longer blame your parents poor choices for the person you have chosen to be......However at 15 you still don't yet have all the skills it takes to make those choices.

This man doesn't deserve mercy. I have none for him. And if there is a hell I hope he rots in it.

The Separation Of Church And Sex

I admit its been a while since Ive been to church. So its quite possible things have changed a bit since my last visit. I was raised mostly by Southern Baptists who as a rule frown on any type of activity that might be considered fun. Which pretty much rules out everything except for the occasional fried chicken dinner.

I do know that while I was going on a regular basis, I don't recall the subject of sex ever being discussed. Unless maybe it was in reference to one of the "Thou Shalt Nots"...or the random bible story. So imagine my surprise when I read an article about several churches across the country openly speaking to their congregants about sex. Not just speaking to them.....but encouraging open discussion about topics such as oral sex, full body massage and the joys of role play.

(These people obviously aren't Southern Baptists)

The clergy who are involved in opening up these discussions state that having a strong united faith as a couple isn't enough. That a good sexual connection is just as important to the health and strength of the marriage. So they are encouraging their congregations to not just have sex, but to have lots of it.

(Do I hear an amen on this one?)

These same church's further promote this type of open discussion by holding seminars about these topics, using biblical dialogue such as Genesis 2:24 which says "A man shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be of one flesh" to illustrate this thinking. With names for their seminars like The 30 Day Sex Challenge " or "The 40 Nights of Grrreat Sex" couples were given daily planners, where a typical week would be as follows:

"Sun: Worship together"

"Mon: Give your wife a full body massage"

"Tues: Quickie in any room besides the bedroom"

"Wed: Pleasure your partner"

"Thurs: Read 1 Corinthians 7 --How can I please you more?" ........... and so on and so on.

Now I'm not sure what to think about this new open thinking happening in church. I do agree that a couple needs to be on the same page with a lot of issues such as...money, faith, family and of course sex. And YES I completely agree that a strong and healthy intimate relationship makes a couple closer and maybe better able to relate to each other about the day to day issues.

But I'm not sure Id feel comfortable speaking to my minister about the most personal intimate details of my life....The thought of that talk just creeps me out. Of course that could be the Southern Baptist "anything fun is sinful" coming out in me. *grin*

Having said that, I have to say that had there been a few of these sorts of talks in church when I was going...it would have made all those hours of sitting on those hard wooden pews a little more bearable......

Throw in a little chocolate with that...and you wouldn't have been able to pry me out of church with a crowbar.

Can I get an Amen?

*smile*

Environmentally Incorrect

"So kill the polar bears and nuke the penguins? That's your plan Jen"?

NOOOOO...don't be silly... of course not. I have no issues with the polar bears...But I think you give me far too much credit for having the kind of power it takes to "NUKE" something......If I were going to nuke the penguins, I would have done so when that annoying movie Happy Feet came out. Unless.... when you say "nuke" you are referring to act of microwaving. Then who knows, maybe with the right dipping sauce and side dishes.......I bet they'd taste yummy, just like chicken.

Maybe I am a little environmentally incorrect. So what...get over it! It doesn't mean that I don't care about the world around me. I do understand we only have one planet..and our survival is dependant on the planets survival. I can understand the balance created by the food chain...and I realize that if we knock the stool out from under ourselves by destroying those smaller links in the chain...then we, those who are at the top of that same food chain will be the ones left twisting in the wind.

I was raised in a small rural farming community. Ive seen many examples through out my life of what we get from this planet and what it means to be responsible for it. Growing up most of my friends were country kids who worked on family farms for summer jobs...Picking or planting peanuts, watermelon and tobacco. I know some of our local farmers have even been honored on a national level for using farming practices that are not only land friendly but provide habitat to local wild life. My grand parents have always had a huge vegetable garden and put up (canned) everything they grow. I have been lucky to be able to experience and see first hand what it means to conserve and value what you get from the land.

So YES I get it. I understand that conservation is not just a question of what we WANT to do but what we NEED to do.

Having said that, I also know growing up the way I have, in a small rural community where the economy can be sometimes rather slow, that most of us don't have unlimited resources. That most families live paycheck to paycheck. While being environmentally conscious is obviously desirable..its not always economically practical. And economics is the biggest motivator of change. Like it or not..that is the way it is.

We as people might feel a tug at our hearts when we see those polar bears...or the rain forests being burned...But those are only images for most people and day to day are out of sight out of mind. The things that get to us on a daily basis are those things we are forced to deal with because they are a part of our lives, such as the rising cost at the gas pumps. When you are already living a life where every dollar is spoken for...that can leave you with little to no room left to move.

So even though our social conscience might be telling us that being environmentally friendly is the best way to go, We still have to ask ourselves is it economically realistic? How many people can really afford Hybrid cars? Yes they are better for the environment...but out of the eight or so manufactures that currently have a hybrid available....only two are under $20,000. dollars. That means most are out of the price range of average families. And what about those new "green" light bulbs....Sure they will cut down on the amount of energy required to use them, thus maybe saving a little money long term. But the cost to upgrade to these new bulbs isn't done cheaply. Bulbs cost an average of $30 each, multiply that by say a 6 to 10 light fixtures or lamps per home. In my home alone I counted 9 which equaled a cost of $ 270. That might not seem like much to some, but when times are tight..which they are for a great many people....things such as light bulbs that aren't a necessity can be done without.

Which brings me to another point....when those same bulbs burn out...and they eventually do. You cant just dispose of them like other bulbs. They contain mercury...and have to be disposed of accordingly. To me it makes little sense to create something that is more energy efficient...and environmentally friendlier to use...and then make it out of materials that will eventually be toxic to dispose of?

I'm sure there are those who wont agree with me on this, but its seems to me like this is a simple math problem. A family only gets X number of dollars each month. Each of those dollars is allocated to certain basic needs.....food, clothing, mortgages or rent, utility bills, car payments, insurances, medical expenses....etc. Just the normal things that the average family has to deal with. When the cost of gas rises...its not just about what it costs to a family to drive. Doesn't it also increase the cost of food and clothing and many other products? Which could mean that same family going without some of the basics let alone being able to afford any of the extras that they want.

So maybe it seems environmentally incorrect of me to focus less on the land and animals who inhabit this planet with us and more on the economic and political side of what it means to rid ourselves of our addiction to fossil fuels. But I feel if you want people to care enough to take action and make real significant changes quickly....then it has to be about the things they deal with and relate to in their day to day lives.

Breaking The Ties That Bind US

I will be the first to admit I am a slave to fossil fuels. I drive therefore I must endure that rising cost of gas. Obviously no one enjoys paying more at the gas pumps, I know I certainly don't. But is the answer to this problem more drilling?

It has been suggested that we now re think our stand on future oil wells in Alaska and off shore in the Gulf of Mexico. The reasoning behind this of course is that it will give some relief to the American consumer at the gas pump, But will it really?

I SAY NO! This isn't about jumping on the Al Gore green is clean band wagon. Its about economics and politics. We as a nation have become entirely too dependant on resources that we can only obtain in quantity from other countries. Countries that have governments who for the most part don't care for us as a nation or who's own government is unstable or in constant turmoil. And yet.....here we are continuing to pay the ever rising price to purchase the fuel we need from them. Does this make any sense to anyone?

Yes I admit we do need this fuel to function, but being at the mercy of the current suppliers to fill those needs isn't in our best interests long term. And isn't that what we should be looking at here the long term bigger picture?

Fossil fuels while plentiful in other parts of the world are not so in this country. And this is not a renewable resource...so once its gone its gone for good. The limited supplies still to be found in the United States are not enough to sustain our country's needs long term. And by the time we harvested this fuel, refined it and were actually able to make it available to the public the amount of help it would provide us economically would be extremely minimal at best. Amounting to only a few cents at the gas pumps.

Is a few penny's really worth possible harm to our environment? Again...this isn't about green is clean, tree hugging, kiss the polar bears thinking. But this is the place we live. If we screw it up we don't get a second chance...and where else would we go?

The fact is we want to become more independent as a country, then we need to break our need for fossil fuel. If we want to continue to have a clean living environment, we need to break our need for fossil fuel. If we want to reduce the costs and help our economy WE NEED TO BREAK OUR NEED OF FOSSIL FUELS. Does anyone see a pattern here?

Continued drilling in this country will only amount to providing a small band aid on much bigger issue. And its not even a band aid that will stop the bleeding. We need to look past the immediate wants and needs and look for a more long term solution to this problem.

We as a nation have some of the best minds in the world. We have a society and and a way of life that is rivaled by none. You can not tell me that a country as advanced and as great as this one can not come up with a better plan than that of Oil to fill the energy needs of our people. I'm sorry but I just don't buy it and neither should you.

So what as a voter, as consumer and as citizen of this country can we do about this. To be honest I don't know. It seems that as long as those in power want us to continue with the status quo...there is little we can do but ride it out. But for those who's concerns are more financially motivated and for those reasons alone do not wish to lose their grasp on Oil...I say this: There is money to be made in alternative energy sources for those willing to step outside the box and pioneer it.

As a nation and as a people it makes sense politically and economically to break these ties that bind us. Isn't it time that someone stepped up to the plate and said ENOUGH?