Monday, May 29, 2006

Light Years, Time Travel And Who Might Be Looking

If you look up into the night sky at all those thousands of stars..Have you ever wondered if some where out there, someone might be looking back at us? Scientists say that most of those stars are billions of light years from where we are. That by the time that light actually reaches us..That some of those stars have long since burned themselves out.

If this is fact...That we are seeing light that indeed happened in the history of that star or star system...That in real time..Those stars may not even exist any longer..Then aren't we seeing evidence of time travel?

If we look up in the night sky seeing light from a place that most likely burned out billions of years before the light actually made it to us..Then we are seeing into the past.

And if by some chance..Someone is out there watching the light that comes from our little solar system...Are they seeing light that came from this place thousands of years ago? Maybe when dinosaurs were still walking on our planet. What would that light look like to them?

Just for the record. I'm not sure I believe in the whole "Area 51" aliens visiting our planet thing. I have relatives who would argue that point. But that's a another story. And a branch of the family tree that Id rather not shake out right now, if you don't mind.

But I do wonder. We are life..So then why would we be the only life? Even if you have a firm belief in God. The bible doesn't say anything about the solar systems outside ours containing life or lack there of.

If our planet is like one grain of sand on a beach as immense as our universe. Then why would we be arrogant enough to think that we are the only grain with life? And if we as life forms are able to change and advance. Then wouldn't we have to assume that there is the possibility that another life form could do the same? Even if that life isn't the same as our own.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Two New Ones That Made Me Say Hmmmmmm

You just cant make this stuff up....Sometimes fact is so much stranger than fiction. Such is the case with this one.

A Tulsa woman at her local Walmart was putting her groceries in her car....When she felt something licking her toes. She immediately thinks of a dog (that would have been my first thought). Until she looks down and sees a strange man laying under her car! Yep that's right..He was the toe licker.

Now maybe its just me being narrow minded here...But is anyone else saying EWWWWWWW right now? I'm sorry but this one creeps me out.

To any of you out there who have a thing for feet. I say live and let live..Just stay out from under my car.

Story Number Two~~

This next story comes from my home state of Florida..A woman in Bradenton has an intruder enter her house through the doggy door. The startled women obviously feeling threatened gets her shotgun and fires off a round at the intruder. The intruder manages to escape with just a flesh wound.

With me so far? Ok here's where we twist off...The intruder was an alligator apparently attracted to the woman's golden retriever..Hence the need for the doggy door. The neighbors hearing the shots called the police. Who after hearing the woman's story, decide to give her a citation.

NOT for shooting a weapon in public..NOT even for maybe shooting an endangered species...Nope..Her ticket was for hunting without a license.

You just gotta love the world we live in.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

You Have The Right String Baby But The Wrong Yo Yo

"You Have The Right String Baby But The Wrong Yo Yo". That's a lyric to a song my Dad used to sing when I was a kid..At the time I used to think it was just poor musical taste on his part. But now I think I get its meaning.

Guys you drive me insane!!!! Open your eyes PLEASE! That's not just a pretty bright light in front of you..Its a bus. Stop staring at it like you're a deer.

I see some of my friends repetitively going after the same type of girl over and over again. I see it and I want to shout..STOP! STEP AWAY FROM THE BUS!!! Because ultimately
you're just going to wind up under it... I keep thinking..This is an intelligent person..They have to see what this girl is doing.

But noooo you keep coming back for more. Please tell me why? Is it that flippy thing she does with her hair? Is it that eye batting thing? Is it because she can use the word "LIKE" at least 5 times in one sentence? Is it because she smells good? Is it those tight jeans or that low cut whatever? Because I gotta tell you..None of that seems worth the crap you have to put up with to be with this woman.

She is self centered..Self absorbed. She is the typical taker..She is all about you as long as you are doing the giving....When it comes time for you to be on the other end of that stick, where is she? Ill tell you where..Emotionally or physically MIA.

And yet..Time and time again..You are there to wipe up her sniffles if she's sad. You are falling down on the sword to pay her bills, fight her battles, and basically be at her beckon call whenever she's had a bad day and needs someone to tell her she's wonderful and beautiful and needs that ever so cheerful ego boost. So you sit there for hours watching her movies..Talking to her friends..Listening to her stories...Notice a theme here?

YESSSS...Its all about HER. You feel as though you aren't appreciated..You cant understand why she's not nicer to you. How could she be so cold or so inconsiderate? Well..gee why are you surprised? If you think about it..She's been this way from day one..You just didn't want to see it because you had stars in your eyes and dark sunglasses on.... Needed a stick and a seeing eye dog.

This girl is the poster child for bunny boilers. She's the one who puts out their news letter..She's the chapter president. Please for the love of god, take off the glasses and take your life back. She only has power if you give it to her.

Ok I'm stepping down off my soap box now. I said what I had to say and even though it wont make any difference because you are too far gone to hear it..I will be there waiting with shovel in hand to scrap up what's left of you after that bus is gone.

Why? Because that's what friends are for.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Happy Mothers Day Bad Boys...

I have always had more male friends than female. I just think guys are easier..They are more what you see is what you get. In my life time I do seem to have accumulated my share of what could be called Bad Boys for friends.

I'm not talking about Bad Boys as in..Evil.. Because the simple fact is my Mom wouldn't have tolerated that..The few of those type who tried to set up camp at our house were made unwelcome in no uncertain terms. She made it known she had a shovel and was not opposed to digging a few shallow holes in our backyard for those who don't get the hint. : )

However..My mom does have her weaknesses..And the Bad Boys are one of them. If they are making just enough mischief that keeps them on this side of the law..And they can keep her laughing with that charm that they seem to have in full supply she cant help herself, she falls for them.

During the time in our lives that it was just my mom and I living in our little house..Mom was pretty easy going about people being at the house..She's a night owl..So it never bothered her to see someone drop in late at night or hang out till the wee hours of the morning..As long as she was home and awake..And they respected our family and home..She was pretty easy going. She always felt like shed rather have them all sacked out on our floor than who knows where else getting into trouble.

She didn't condone all their bad behavior all the time..But she also was a realist..She knew they were probably going to party..They were going to get into their share of scuffles. That was just growing up. It wasn't unusual to have them calling the house at midnight to see if we were still up. They wanted to come by for a visit..Or they had a question that they had to talk over with Mom.

We live in a small town...It was sort of funny that my mom had this built in radar or ESP when it comes to knowing who's doing what around town. Not so much with the adults, but she kept pretty plugged into what was going on with the crowd I hung out with. So she knew who was dating who..who was cheating on who...who was just randomly sleeping around..Or in trouble at school or with the law. She never had a problem calling them on any of it..I think that's part of what they liked about her..She was point blank said what she thought or what she knew..And in turn they could say anything to her.

Now that most of the Bad Boys have sort of more or less grown up..Some have even gotten married and now have future little bad boys of their own they are raising..They still see my mom and have to come give her a hug or stop by the house to say hi.

Sunday my mom gets a phone call..Its one of her favorites M...

M: Hi there Miss K..I haven't gotten to talk to you in a while and I thought I better call you and wish you a Happy Mothers Day.

Mom: Awwww thank you sweetie..How are you doing?

M: Good, good can't complain.

Mom: How's school going?..Are you staying out of trouble and keeping your grades up?

M: Schools good..I'm out now for summer...But its all good. You know I turned 21 a few weeks ago..And I guess I'm just slowing down in my old age..I cant do all the stuff I used to anymore...

Mom: (laughing)..Oh I see..Yea sweetie you are getting up there. Its probably just because now your legal and the thrill of that stuff isn't as fun any longer.

M: Yea I think you might be right...I was told that would happen..But I never believed it.

Mom: Well, Jen showed me a few pictures of you just recently on the internet..So it looks like your still having your share of fun. You looked good by the way.

M: On the Internet? Where?

Mom: Well honey I believe it was on several different young ladies web pages..

M: Oh really...... I didn't know that. Huh...

Mom: " You looked like you were still having fun...I believe in a few of the photos you were being licked.

M: Ohhhh Mannnn!...I guess I better check that out. Well it was nice talking to you...Happy Mothers Day..I love you..

Mom: I love you too sweetie...(click..Mom hangs up the phone giggling) I love messing with that boy..That just never gets old.

And somethings never

Saturday, May 13, 2006

The Small Steps

Today was about forgetting the world. It was about 84 degrees of sunny weather and a nice breeze. It was about strapping on the bikini and taking it out to the river for a test run. It was about laying on the bow of a friends boat with a fruity drink in hand and soaking up the sun. While all around me were friends listening to music...swimming....laughing and dancing.

Summers are sort of like that here..There are a huge group of us..We are all river rats..We drag out the boats and all meet in a few choice spots. Sometimes those of us who are a little more connected....Drag a camper down to one or the other of the camp grounds right on the river..and camp weekend after weekend until mid September.....When its time to pack it all up again and drag it back to the house.

Today though I just decided to go and forget about all the things that were getting to me over the last few months and just go with the flow. I have come to realize how lucky I am in so many ways.

After writing my last post about the stress level and pressure I was feeling because of a number of things happening in my life right now.....I had several blog friends step up and offer words of support and a friendly ear to let me vent. In case I haven't told you all yet...That meant a great deal to me that you would offer your support and kindness.

It makes me realize that sometimes when I am not able to see the big picture, because my nose is pressed to close to the glass, that there are some really amazing people out there who are still kind and full of compassion.

Its reminded me again that its always about finding the postitives in life. Even if I don't know what they all are right now. These people are definitely one of them. So thank you guys for everything.

I was also reminded that it may not be all about the huge leaps and bounds that happen in our lives. While sometimes these things do have their significance...They aren't what really matter over all. Even though they may seem huge to us at the moment....they are but blips on the radar screen when we look at the full span of our lives.

I was reminded that maybe its the small steps we take each day that really count the most. Those baby steps that we don't really notice or think of individually...But intimately show what kind of person we are. They are the small kindnesses we show others around us..The polite moments when we go that extra mile to be thoughtful or helpful. Its the times we decide to be honest or work hard..Or stand up and try again when we are knocked down. Its the times we look for those positives in a situation even when we think there's not any way there could be one. But we still try.

These things I think are what tell the story of the kind of person we are. The kind of contribution we make to the world around us. Because even if we don't notice these small gestures or acts in ourselves..Somewhere there is someone around us who has.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Thine Own Worst Enemy

Personal Note: I'm not sure if I will have the courage to hit publish when I finish this post. I suppose I wont know until the last word is written. I think I'm starting to understand what my mother meant by owning your mistakes and standing up to accept them. I guess that's part of becoming an adult. I just didn't realize how hard it was going to be...But then no one promised it would be easy....

If you have ever wanted to see a woman self destruct before your very eyes...Pull up a chair..I feel that the "BIG KABOOM" is just moments away. I have had a lot of thoughts, feelings and fears all sort of bubbling under the surface for a while now. I think part of me felt if I just ignored them they would eventually go a way. But they're not.

This has no order, so where do I start? I feel like I have no control over my emotions lately. I'm on this roller coaster of highs and lows. I have succeeded in pushing away the people who most care about me. Partly because I cant stand to let them see me this weak. I know that sounds pretty vain. I hate it that I have to admit to that, but its true none the less.

My family not only thinks I'm blowing off my future for "school girl" type day dreams, but have become concerned that I may have something physically wrong with me. That thought alone makes me angry and scared. I'm angry that they would the audacity to even suggest it..Scared because I have already thought the same thing myself.

I cant go to the one person in this world who knows me and gets me better than anyone else with all of these thoughts....Not because he's not available to me..On the contrary..He wants more than anything to help right now and keeps offering his hand. But I cant accept it. I feel like if I tell him all the details, he will feel as though he is partly to blame for my situation. He isn't..But he will still see it that way. I cant tell him because I'm embarrassed with myself, I feel like most of the mistakes were stupid ones and of my own making. I cant because I'm afraid, what if its more than stress and stupidity on my part that's put me here, what if there is something physical involved here? What then?

I cant because I know he has enough going on right now in his own life with out heaping my little dramas onto the pile. I wont do that to him. I cant because deep down I feel as though I'm whining. I'm being a big baby about some of this..That I should suck it up and get tough. I'm just not sure how.

I'm still bothered by seeing my friend get stabbed in front of me a couple months ago. I'm bothered by the image of the knife blade shining in the light of the parking lot. I'm bothered because I did nothing..That there was nothing I could have done. I want to help and tell what I saw. I think the guy who did this deserves to be punished for what he did. But the idea of sitting there in front of lawyers, a judge, a jury and the defendant gets to me. It didn't happen to me..I was just the spectator. But I'm changed since it happened. It bothers me that I'm not the same any more.

I'm angry with myself for not knowing what I want. For letting things slide for so long..For not giving the best of what I know is in me to achieve my goals. For feeling apathetic about moving forward.

I do not like this feeling of not having control. I don't like this feeling of weakness. I hate this part of who I am and who I seem to becoming. Its not just letting down the people who expect more of me..Its the inner knowledge that I know I'm not giving it my best either.

I don't know if any of this even makes sense to anyone as I write it down. How can I make myself understood clearly about how I feel when I have no clarity in my own mind?

I think in pictures. I put all my thoughts in order with those pictures. I organize and examine all of them to come up with my own personal answers and order of things. But right now..My mind is just static...A buzz of jumbled thoughts and feelings with no clear understanding of why its like that. Its frustrating.

Why blog about this?....Because to me this is my way of letting it go..Of saying it out loud and admitting it to myself. Even if it makes me look like a head case right now..At least its out there and for some reason...That sort of feels like a weight lifted