Not A Keeper

To say that my Dad was a wild child is an understatement. From some of the stories I hear..The wild part didn't stop in his youth either. He's pretty much stayed that way all the way up to this present day. If anything has slowed him down at all....It is most likely age and maybe his health.

While I wont say I approve of all my Dads behavior..Some of it is pretty scandalous. Every now and then there is a story that is told that you cant help but chuckle over.

Before I was born when he and my mom were in the first years of marriage, to say that my dad enjoyed a party is putting it mildly. It wasn't unusual for him to leave the house for a loaf of bread and get "side tracked". My Mom would not see him again till the wee hours of the morning or the next day. This as you can probably imagine did not sit so well with my Mom.

Usually it was my Moms habit to make a lunch for my Dad each morning. He carried a small cooler with him everyday for that lunch, which conveniently doubled as a beer receptacle in the evening.

One evening.....Dad getting "side tracked" the way he did on occasion, decided that he and a buddy would go fishing. Tell some lies, drink a few cold ones. Normally Id say this was a pretty harmless activity. The thing is..Its a probably a good idea to inform the Mrs you wont be home anytime soon before she sits up all night worrying about your sorry butt.

Anyway......Dad rolls up in the early morning hours...Just before daylight...Mom is, as you can probably guess, livid. So she's not exactly in the frame of mind for packing him a tasty lunch. Dad barely having any sleep from the night before and having to get up in a few hours for work, decides not to pack one for himself. Instead opting for some additional sleep time.

When lunch time rolls around that day...Everyone's sitting around in a group in the grass. Popping open their lunch boxes and enjoying their mid day meal. My Dad opens his cooler....All that's in there is a half eaten bag of potato chips from the day before and some dead shiners (small silvery colored fish) that he had used for bait on the fishing excursion.

Sitting next to Dad was a laborer...That was notably pretty annoying to most everyone else on the crew. The guy was one of those know-it-alls...Who couldn't be told or taught anything. He continuously fabricated these elaborate stories of his exploits on and off the job site. I believe in an attempt to try and appear cooler in the eyes of the more seasoned men on the job.

Well my Dad being no stranger to a tall tale or two...Saw the laborer lean over and sneak a peek into his cooler.

The laborer making a face says "What is that"?

My Dad "Its lunch".

Laborer "You are going to eat that"?

My Dad "Heck yeah, these are great. Haven't you ever eaten sardines before"?

Laborer...Making a skeptical face.. "Yeah, I have".

My Dad "Well these are sort of like that only better".

At this point.....My Dad takes two potato chips out of his bag and one of the less slimy of the shiners out of the his cooler. Places said fish between the two potato chips and bites it in two.

The laborer...Completely grossed out that my Dad just did this, turns his head away. While doing so, my Dad spits the morsel into his napkin and then pops another potato chip in his mouth and pretends to continue chewing as though he's never eaten anything finer.

There are now a few half grins on the faces of some of the other men sitting around observing this fishing expedition....But no one laughs or says a word...They just watch.

The laborer....turns his head back to my Dad and sees my Dad happily chewing what he thinks is the shiner and chips. Now...He's got this look on his face as though...hmmmm maybe this guys for real. This is when my Dad gets ready to set the hook.....

My Dad says "Would you like to try one? I usually don't share them, because I don't get to have them that often. But Ill let you try one since you've never had one before".

Now normally a guy who is secure with himself and has nothing to prove would have said "Nah man..You enjoy those". And that would have been the end of it. But this guy, was so wrapped up in being the man and appearing cool in front of the other guys.....He just couldn't bring himself to back down and refuse my Dads offer.

My Dad lets him reach in the bag grab two potato chips. Then hands the laborer a shiner. The nastiest.....Most slimy shiner in the box. The laborer places the shiner between the two potato chips and bites down.

Dad said you could see imediately by the look on his face that he realized this is not something he wanted to do. At this point...any other guy would have just spit it out and taken the good natured teasing from the other men and that would have been the end of it. But not this guy. He sees all the other guys along with my Dad watching him.....He's committed himself now and realizes he cant loose face and has to actually chew and swallow.

My Dad said the more he chewed the more you could tell he was going to loose it. Sure enough....the guy jumps up.....runs off to the nearest bushes and begins gagging up the shiner and chips....coughing and spitting.

The other guys sitting around all start laughing and shaking their heads at the laborers stupidity. Knowing full good and well if the guy wasn't such a know-it-all butt kisser, that he would never have gotten himself into that spot to begin with.

The rest of that day...the story of what had happened at lunch with the shiner spread all over the job site....Later that day after work.....

One of the guys asked my Dad...." Hey John, You catch anything with those shiners"?

My Dad not missing a beat says "Yeah I caught a laborer...But I had to throw him back".