Friday, April 28, 2006
I have been told that I think to much. That I over analyze. I suppose there is some truth to this. But its at times like this...When I am alone that I am able to get the most clarity. I can organize my thoughts and think of all the what ifs.
I admit lately I feel sort of lost. I'm wondering where my place is in this world. Its not the first time I've felt like this over the past year...But usually the feeling passes. Lately though its hanging there like this cloud. I feel like I have been swimming as hard and fast as I can, but am going nowhere. So I have to ask, am I just treading water or am I slowly circling the drain.
I'm sometimes afraid it may be the later.
I have a few choices in front of me. But for the first time I truly have no idea which direction to go into...I have things pulling at me from different directions for very different reasons. What do you do if your heart and your head are in opposition? Do you do the logical practical thing.... Or do you throw caution away...Follow your heart and jump into the deep end of the pool?
Thursday, April 27, 2006
It doesn't seem to be that any of these men have a problem being decent guys...Most of them were raised that way. (Thank you to their Moms) They know the difference between right and wrong...They still can hear that voice in their head that makes them think about fairness and honesty. If you aren't hearing that little voice any longer..I'm referring to that thing called a conscious.
So what's the problem you ask? Well its in the perception. To a guy if your considered a nice guy by the opposite sex then you aren't appealing. They believe that women are ultimately attracted to the more bad boy type. That being labeled as nice only means you are either thought of as wimpy or delegated to friend status or even worse a doormat.
This got me thinking...Could they be right? I had to start thinking about what it is that attracts me to a guy. Its definitely not looks alone..But I fully admit that I am a normal human and that is probably the first thing I do notice. Although I will tell you in all seriousness...That I have dealt with pretty before...And trust me..Pretty is sometimes highly over rated.
So what is it that gets me hooked. Its not about them being dangerous. I know some women are very attracted to that type. That's just not me...But I do love a guy whose got a brain..If he can talk to me intelligently...That's very attractive. I love a good sense of humor. If a guy can make me laugh he is solid gold...If he can laugh at himself even better. I don't mind one being slightly cocky or sarcastic..As long as its in moderation and they don't take themselves too seriously. A little sass can be fun, especially if there is a give and take that goes with it.
But I suppose...The biggest thing isn't something you can really put your finger on...Its something about the way he carries himself...Its this quiet confidence or inner strength he gives off...Its not something he has to tell you about...It just shows....Its this firm knowledge that he may be easy going..But he wont be pushed. He wont take anyone's crap not even mine.
If that by definition makes him more of a bad boy. Because he is strong...Then I guess that I am just as guilty as my friends say I am of being attracted to it.
If I am guilty of what they say, I honestly never thought about it like that..Because to me inner strength is just part of the package...He also will...Treat me with respect. Not because he's forced to...But because he wants to. He's flirtatious without being crude...He's playful and kind..And he makes me feel beautiful because of the way he sees me as a person.
Maybe some of those reasons seem sort of self centered. But I'm trying to be honest here. Most of us want someone who value us. Someone who sees us as special to them. Sometimes isn't that the biggest attraction? Seeing ourselves through someone else's eyes?
To those nice guys out there...Hang in there..I'm not the only one who can appreciate your qualities. Who looks for those things and values them.
I just wont insult you by calling you a nice guy any more...LOL
Friday, April 21, 2006
It was then I got the gut wrenching reply "NOOOOAA don't say I'm a nice guy". There was also something said that it was not good being a sweetheart either...And then there was talk of cutting that sweetheart goodness out with a rusty spork.
This verbal drama was not lost on me...I thought I was paying him a compliment...When did being a good guy become bad? In a world filled with players, jerks and all around dick heads...I don't see nice as bad thing. But apparently I did the equivalent of spitting on this his manhood. For that I apologize, I had no idea.
I had thought that maybe this was just an isolated incident...And that maybe this friend was just a little more Jaded that other guys...But this is not so...When mentioning this response to another guy...He not only confirmed that being called a Nice Guy was a bad thing...But also referred to the dread that's experienced from hearing those words come from any girl.
I have to blame the dreaded Bunny Boiler for this response. It seems that most good guys don't mind being the good guy until the meet up with their first Bunny Boiler. She does what a Bunny Boiler does best...Lures the nice guy to her...Then proceeds to make him believe she is just a normal girl...And not only that, but a good girl too. Once she has him in love and pretty much willing to throw himself under a bus for her. She tortures him relentlessly with subtle mind games until she either breaks him or gets bored and moves on to her next challenge. This leaves what's left of the Nice Guy bruised, battered and sporting a less that good attitude where women are concerned.
So that even when the next girl does come along...Even if she happens to be a real good girl...Nice guy no longer trusts his judgment and is automatically on the defensive...Or either unwilling to let anyone get close enough to do any damage again.
I would put the Bunny Boilers of the world on notice. But the sad truth of the matter is that it wouldn't mean a thing coming from me..Bunny Boilers see girls like me as just a simple speed bump. Something that could slow them down but not stop them from their goal of what ever guy they have their sights set on. I am just the friend watching the train wreck occur. Then attempting to help patch up the damage in the aftermath.
I suppose no one is immune to being taken advantage of when the heart is involved. It just seems sad you have to assume guilt with someone until proven innocent, to keep from being played. Its also really sad that its become a bad thing to be a "Nice Guy".
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
I think most kids wonder what's under their beds at night..Or something similar, at one time or another...Most have probably hidden their heads under a blanket or turned on a nightlight to keep the darkness away.
Its not until we become adults that we realize you cant keep the monsters of the world away with a nightlight. Its then when we are grown that we know that monsters are real in this world and they do walk among us every day.
The real Monsters come in all shapes and sizes. They wear many faces, come from many places. They can be male or female, old or young. Some have themselves disguised in friendly faces. Some we think of as family. Some have bombs....Or guns...Or fists....Or words that they use against us. But there is one thing they all have in common. Just like any predator, the monsters of the world prey on those who are smaller or weaker than themselves.
I think on a daily basis most of us try not to think about the monsters being out there. Its just easier that way. Lets face it...Its one thing to suspect there might be a monster under our bed...Its another to know for a fact he's there. Its the confirmation of his existence that keeps us from sleeping peacefully at night.
Its not because we don't care that we sometimes look the other way to avoid seeing the monsters. Its not because we are bad people. Its because we sometimes lack the courage it takes to deal with them. Its the same kind of fear that makes us look the other way from the bully on the play ground....In hopes that he wont be drawn toward us.
Looking into the monsters eyes takes a lot of inner strength. It takes a special person to be able to do that day in and day out. It takes someone who maybe be just as afraid of the monsters as we are...But realizes that someone has to be willing to slay them.
Some feel its always better to walk softly and avoid using that big stick. Normally, I would have to agree. After all we are a civilized society. We should be able to use reason and logic to settle a problem, shouldn't we?
If we were not dealing with Monsters the above ideas would probably work. But the problem with logic and reason and civilized conversation...Is that monsters do not care. They do not feel your desire to talk things out with them. They do not worry if you are feeling threatened or do not wish to be harmed. They have one thing only that motivates them.....And that is their own need. A Monster does what he does for his own reasons...Its not logical or reasonable.
Whether we like it or not...Whether we want to say it out loud or admit it quietly to ourselves...Monsters do exist in this world. Just because we choose not to look under the bed doesn't mean they aren't there.
To the men and women who have to deal with the monsters every single day. Who have the courage to do the job that I myself cant. I want to say thank you.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Put huge bows in your hair.... Big enough to pick up TV stations in third world countries.....And patent leather shoes on your little feet......
Then they have you run all over a yard, to look for eggs that they have colored in colors no self respecting chicken would claim. Harmless you say? Have you ever tried to run in wet grass with patent leather on your feet?
Then to add insult to injury...They expect you to believe that a large rabbit left all these eggs for you to find, not to mention a basket chalked full of every kind of chocolate goody you can imagine.
Just when you think its finally gotten good...You're mom tells you that you can only have one piece.
Have you ever noticed that even though you are restricted to only one piece...That the contents of the basket seems to mysteriously shrink from morning to morning? I remember quite clearly telling my mom on a number of occasions that I really didn't care for jelly beans...Her reply was "sure you do..They are good". It seems to me that she was the only one who liked them. Those too mysteriously disappeared from my basket...
Coincidence I think not!
Then at some point usually before the egg ordeal...... You attend church with the family... And are forced to sit in same scratchy yet still remarkably poofy dress. On a hard wooden pew....That creaks anytime you decide to move. Drawing the attention of the entire congregation to you...Which in turn draws attention from your mother...Not a place you want to be in church.
You sit there for hours listening to old people sing off key hymns and learn that about a billion years ago...The Son of God was dead and then did rise from the grave.....
Miracle or Sci-fi channel?
Sad thing is...Someday when I have a daughter I will probably stuff her into a scratchy poofy dress...Slap some big bows on her head..Strap patent leather shoes to her little feet and march her off to look for eggs from the mysterious and elusive bunny.
Don't you just love holiday traditions..
Side Note: My personal favorite Easter tradition involves a hollow chocolate bunny and a can if whip cream.....You do the math
Friday, April 07, 2006
Alameda County, that's in sunny California for those of you who don't own a map or care...Is considering banning the new candy produced by a company under Corona.. Its called Chronic Candy.
Its tag line is... Get this... "Every lick is like taking a hit". WHY? Because all these assorted goodies...Such as gum balls, lollipops and chocolates with names such as Hydro or Sticky Icky Buds.....Taste like...Yep, you guessed it!...Marijuana.
They do have a website for those of you who like to surf. Featuring their products along with a very pimped out gentleman and a young lady sporting some very short shorts that expose most of her ass. Not sure what that has to do with candy. But I guess sex sells.....And apparently so does drug flavored candy.
The company says...That the goodies are flavored with Hemp Oil but does not contain THC. Which as I am sure most of you already know gives Pot its Buzzzzzzzzzzzz. The company is going all out to promote this new treat. Using spokes persons like Snoop Dogg and Paris Hilton to sell their flavorful buzz free confections.
The Alameda Board of Supervisors is proposing to ban the new goodies...saying it promotes illegal behavior and improperly influences teens and young adults. Maybe they have a point. If you recall back in the day, "They"...I mean candy manufacturers made candy cigarettes for kids. Of course back then smoking was the thing to do...and kids liked emulating their parents. When we took the Marboro Man and Joe the Camel out of view of children, we also did away with any candy or cartoon that promoted smoking to kids.
But you gotta love the creativity of Chornic Candy....They state that the candy is meant for use by adults. And it should be used as a family teaching tool to open discussion about the dangers of drug use.
"Yes Little Timmy...Mommy and Daddy are indeed enjoying this flavorful and tasty pot flavored lollipop...Now that you meantion it...Lets discuss drugs".
The question that pops into my mind...Is anyone really that stupid? Or better yet how dumb do you think your kids are?
Hey they got my attention...if for no other reason.....Id just like to see how you get there from here...lol
Thursday, April 06, 2006
But everything has to be fed. Nothing exists on its own. Just as a fire needs new fuel and oxegen to exist. A relationship has to have that mutual fuel of emotional contact to continue to thrive. Its that circle...that feeding of one person to another that keeps it alive.
If you dont have that...Just as with a fire..it will continue to burn only as long as there is something to fuel it, but without that, eventually it starts to die.
I had always thought myself to be a fairly strong person. But I have come to see that I have the very human weakness of needing that fuel. I need the emotional contact...that quiet, often simple emotional link that is the fuel that keeps me going.
Being the fixer that I am by nature....Realizing this simple truth....makes me feel sad and sort of helpless. There are somethings that werent meant to be fixed alone. If I try to look for the postitive in all this it would be...That I would rather have had this fire in my life even for a brief time than....never to have known it at all.
It is quiet understanding,
sharing and forgiving.
It is loyalty through good and bad.
It settles for less than perfection,
and makes allowances for human weakness.
Love is content with the present.
It hopes for the future and it doesn't brood over the past.
It's the day-in and day-out chronicle of irritations, problems, compromises,
small disappointments, big victories, and working toward common goals.
If you have love in your life,
it can make up for a great many things you lack.
If you don't have it,
no matter what else there is,
it is not enough.
Truth is...I have also sort of been inspired by a friend of mine. This person has some "internet difficulties" where they are right now. So they send me their posts and I publish them to their blog for them. It feels good to help out a friend and it makes me feel very James Bondish in a strange sort of way. To know I get to possess the forbidden password and that I get to secretly read everything first before it hits the general public.
This friend of mine is a pretty talented writer and is picking up quite a following of readers to his blog...I can tell the longer he writes the better his writing is becoming. He has a very visual way of writing that makes you be able to understand exactly how he felt when he was in the situation he was writing about.
This is something I can relate to...Because that's how I think. I think totally and completely in pictures. I am and always have been a visual learner. If I wanted to remember something in school I had to not only picture it in my mind but then probably set up some sort of trigger that would call up the information at a later time.
I believe they are called Neumonic Devices. But for someone like me...Its just the key to that door that unlocks what I saved there for a later time.
I think this is why I see most of life in analogies...I compare life's twists and turns to actual things...I see the comparisons in Nature or the physical with the emotional side of life.
So to those of you who read this or at least used to before I dropped off the radar...The analogy queen is back. Lets see if she has something to say this time.