Monday, October 31, 2005


Today I'm slightly annoyed...Wanna know why? First of all... Let me say, I have never been a parent..I have been a child who has parents, so this is the extent of my personal first hand knowledge of this subject. So I'm going to say right up front this is solely my opinion.

I think there was a reason that God or the higher power decided to create a human using one sperm and one egg...And that the sperm and the egg would come from two totally different individuals. Because I firmly believe that parenting was meant to be a tag team event. That it would most likely require two adults at the top of their game to raise and guide the brain challenged little creatures they produced into becoming semi normal adults.

Having said this....I realize that there are a lot of families out there for what ever reason who are single parents...To those of you who fit into this category..And who take the job seriously...I applaud you..YOU have my utmost respect and admiration for the difficult job you do every single day. Raising a child or children is probably the most challenging job there is in this world and to do it alone...Well you have to be tough.

I also realize that due to the world being as it is...And the economy being what it is...That not only do single parents have to step outside the home to work, that some two parent family's find they also need two incomes to make ends meet... It doesn't make you any less of a caring parent and the plain truth is..YOU have to do what you have to do..

I have every intention of going to school...Hopefully getting a decent job when I'm through. If things work out, I plan on working right along side my guy to help build a life for the two of us....As long as there are no children in the picture, why not? I think we should share this. However..When and if we become parents...Far down the road...He and I have talked about it and we would prefer it if one of us could stay home with the kids at least until they have started school. I think raising kids is a pretty important job. If our family can financially do this. We should. I think if we are going to have them, then we should make every effort to raise them. My guy feels the same way. We both had a stay at home parent for a portion of our lives and it was good thing.

That was still not the part that got me annoyed...Sorry...Here goes..

I had someone make a comment to me the other day, that they couldn't see themselves waste their lives staying at home to be a mother and wife....That they were far to intelligent to sit around the house doing nothing that couldn't be better done by a maid. OHHHHH NOOOO...This is the part that got me boiling! A maid?!!! First of all, my Mom will be the first one to tell you up front she was not put on this earth to be anyone's maid..Growing up, She has informed me on more than one occasion that if we are part of a family that everyone in the family had a responsibility to help around the house...And this most definitely means picking up after yourself. If this person thinks that all there is to keeping a family going is housework they have no idea what they are talking about..

Parenting requires so many various job skills there are too many to mention...But here are just a few...Doctor, Banker, Cook, Chauffeur, Diplomat, Spiritual Advisor, Repairman,Teacher, Counselor, Detective, Therapist, Disciplinarian, Fashion Critic and Stylist. This is just a small few that are used on a daily basis. If you got the sum total salaries of all these jobs put together, you could never afford to pay a mother or should I say parent to stay at home and take care of your kids...

A MAID? All I can say to this person...Do all of us and the world a favor..Do not reproduce..

The world has enough problems.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

No Trick Or Treat Prank.....

I have never seriously considered suicide as an answer to my problems..I suppose maybe I have never had anything that I felt was so mind shattering or heart breaking in my life as to think of this as on option. As a child getting angry with my parents or with friends, I have said those words to myself..."I wish I was dead". But to me that statement was made as more in an adolescent drama than because I really truly felt that way. So considering all the things I have been through in my life so far..I suppose I can count myself lucky. While I can say this for myself...I do know a few people who at a point in their lives had more than just a random thought as to the possibility of trying something like this as a solution to their problems....

One friend had lost a brother in an accident earlier that year....I will say he had some problems going on in his life before this...But the death kinda kicked things up a notch for him. He managed to seek counseling instead of suicide.

Then earlier this year...We had three actual suicides in our town...These were persons all in the middle school age group...Around 13. They all hung themselves. Each of them was believed to be done accidentally.....As part of a participation in an Internet game that uses suicide as a way to increase sexual climax.....I'm not even going to go into that one.

I also know one woman..Who is my mothers age. In her family, suicide seems to be a tradition. I have stated this before, that some people would have been better off being raised by wolves. Well here is a good example of such a family. This woman lost an Aunt and Uncle to suicide...Before finding her mother one day when she came home from work. Then later that year she comes home again, This time to find her brother had followed in moms footsteps. Later, the following year, her father....Who I should add was divorced from the mother and had been for years...And didn't live with any of the family....Also attempted to commit suicide, but failed..And survived.

Now what prompts an entire family for generations to use this as a solution to life's problems? My mom said that when she had spoken to this woman about it. Her feelings on it were..."It was Gods will"...That if God didn't want them to die he would have stopped it..Because God can do anything.

In my opinion there are not enough hours in this day or money in this world for therapy to unwrap this twisted theory. But I will say this...It is my understanding that God can indeed do anything. But he has also given each human something special...Its called Freedom of choice..We can decide, Do we follow or do we abandon him and go our own way..

You could be wondering what has gotten me on this subject of suicide...Well it was reading this article today..If you have ever wondered if there is a good or bad time to contemplate suicide...The answer is NO there is never a good time.....But especially this close to Halloween. A 42 year old woman decided suicide was her only option late Tuesday night or early Wednesday morning.. She hung herself from a tree on moderately busy road, across the street from several homes...She was about 15 feet above the ground and could easily be seen by passing motorists...The suicide was not reported because those who saw the woman assumed it was a Halloween decoration...It wasn't until many hours later that police were called...One of the neighbors said they had seen her at breakfast time, but just assumed it was something someone had rigged up for the holiday.

I'm not even going to comment on that one any further...I have always like Halloween..Not all the blood and guts of the Holiday..I'm not really into gore..I just like the costumes the spooky kind of scareness of it all...And of course the free candy.. So to end on a better note...I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Halloween.

Monday, October 24, 2005

What's You're Dream?

We live in the land where dreams come true. Or that's the what the bumper stickers say right?..."The American Dream". I had always thought that meant wealth and success..The older I get the more I realize that not all dreams are money based. And success is a matter of perspective.

Money is nice...But its never been a huge deal to me..I suppose when you have never really had any...Its hard to miss what you never had...I know that's not where my hearts desire lies. Mine is more in finding that inner happiness...

The things that have always mattered most to me are the people I care for. Family to me isn't necessarily the the biological kind..Family are the people who become a part of your life. That inner circle that are your support system and your sounding board when you need one. In some cases these people may have a biological connection...But just like me, I see more and more people who have glued themselves together as a family because for no other reason they choose each other to love and care about. Maybe that's the best kind of family there is...Not the ones you had no choice in...But the ones who choose you.

Its sometimes hard to give up on dreams. I think when you loose one, especially an important one its feels like grief. And while nothing can replace it...I believe if one door closes another opens no matter if you can see it at the moment yet or not..

The Rolling Stones say ....."You cant always get what you want.. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need". Maybe that's the hardest thing of all...Realizing that what you want and what you need are two different things...

What is your dream?

Monday, October 17, 2005


Seven things I want to do before I die:
1.Find real lasting love.
2.Find a job that I would love going to everyday.
3.Visit another country.
4.Learn how to trust in myself.
5.To become totally independent and self sufficient
6.To learn to cook.. (better) :D
7.To some day far far down the line...have a family.
Seven things I can do:
1. Be a good friend
2. Keep others confidences
3. Listen
4. Photography
5. Blog
6. Be kind to others
7. If I have nothing good to say... Shut up
Seven things I cannot do:
1. Drive legally (at the moment)
2. See spit (ewwww)
3. Drink Tequila
4. Stop being opinionated
5. Listen to Gwen Stephani sing "If I were a rich girl"
6. Spell
7. Be taller
Seven things I say a lot :
1. Utoh
2. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
3. Sweetie
4. Double cheese, no pickle, no onions..with fries and a Dr Pepper please.
5. Sup Skippy?
6. Im sorry
7. You're new here?
Seven things I find attractive in a male:
1. Kindness
2. Honesty
3. Loyalty
4. Good sense of humor (he can make me laugh)
5. Nice smile
6. Nice chest or arms
7. He likes "who" I am
Seven celebrity crushes?
1.Sean Connery
2.Collin Ferrel
3.Chad Michael Murray
Seven people who have nothing better to do than to get tagged:
1. Adrian
2. Stu-man
3. JGStephan...Who's already done this...ugh!
4. Hulabelly...Im sorry in advance...
5. Jef
6. Dreadcow
7. TimmyG

Friday, October 14, 2005

Things That Go Bump In The Night

It was around midnight. I was home alone for the weekend. I was online chatting on MSN with Adrian..He was headed to bed since it was sunrise his time...And I was logging off to go watch a movie. That's when I heard it...The tap tap tap...

At first I ignored it..Because this is the first rule of scary movies...When you are home alone..Late at night and you hear a strange noise. YOU IGNORE IT. But it wasn't long before I heard it again..tap tap tap...Then in a few seconds....I heard it again...tap tap tap....So here's where I did the thing I swore I would never do..I have sat through many a horror movie..Yelling at the screen saying NOOO you dumb girl don't go in there...Don't go see what's making the noise..

Its funny, but when that really happens to you...YOU actually do go look...Go figure.. So I got up went in to the other room to see what was making this noise. I had thought maybe its a big bug of some kind...Or maybe a mouse has gotten into the duct work of the air conditioner....Hey, I live in a tropical climate..Any of these things were possible.

What I wasn't expecting...Was to walk into our dining room and see a Bat trying to scurry along the floor. YESSSS..That's right little brown furry winged vermin of the night...The taping sound was him trying to get traction on the hard flooring and not doing to great of a job at it...

Now I'm thinking ohhh mann..Please please do not let him fly...Then I'm thinking, how am I going to pick him up and get him out of here...Then I thought..EWWWWWW I'm not picking that thing up!!...It was about that time that every story I had ever heard of rabies ran through my mind...I have watched Old Yeller and Cujo..I know how those stories turned out...I'm young and I have to much to live for to risk this.

In the mean time he's still moving..Not fast but he's trying to get to somewhere...I knew I had to do something with him...So I did the only logical thing that I could do....I tupperwared him. I don't think that's what they had in mind for those clear plastic bowls, at least I never saw this use in one of their commercials...But I am here to tell you they make one fine Bat containment device. I'm thinking of writing to the tupperware people to relay this story to them..You never know...

Now before you go getting all "animal rights" on me..I didn't put the lid on him and burp out all the air...I wasn't trying to keep him fresh...Just keep him in one place until those who were older and had less to loose than myself could arrive and remove him.

The problem I'm having now..Is how did he get in? I have been told he probably came down the chimney. And more than likely he's got friends still hanging out up there...I have always suspected there was something up that chimney besides Santa..Now I know what...


Monday, October 10, 2005

Tastes Just Like Chicken

I have heard that saying "Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you". I guess this is one such situation. A helicopter pilot and wild life researcher found a 13 foot python in the Florida Everglades that had apprarently burst after trying to swallow a 6 foot Alligator whole. That by itself gives a whole new meaning to indigestion. The thing I found interesting is that this is the 4th such documented incident in the past 3 years.

Scientists feel that that because the python is a top of the line predator and not a naturally found species in the Everglades that this could threaten the eco system of the Everglades. If pythons were to start consuming other wild life such as other smaller reptiles , squirrels, woodstorks, sparrows etc. That could and would throw things out of balance over time.

I would not have thought that pythons would have been significant in numbers to pose a problem to other life in the swamp...But according to what I have read, researchers have stated that over the years many pythons have been abandoned by their owners in the Everglades. While it is unknown the exact number that are in the Everglades competing with alligators, at least 150 have been caught over the last two years.

The researchers also state that a python 10-20 feet large could also pose a serious threat to a human, especially a child. Although they say its not an imminent threat and not time to worry about this yet.

YET? Ok speaking as a Native of the state where this is going on...I would like to ask when is the time to worry? Its not unusual to hear a story about some local person finding one of these snakes under someone's house or behind a store in a local neighborhood. So they can apparently adapt and live any where. If they fit into the Everglades eco system and were able to be controlled by a natural predator such as the alligator...Then I wouldn't be so concerned. But the fact that alligators don't always have the upper hand with these guys bothers me a little.

Yes I know, you hear about alligators being to closely connected to people too. That is our fault though. If we feed them and they become less afraid of humans as a result.. Then who do we have to blame when they start seeing our family pet Sparky....Or possibly the occasional golfer.. as a possible snack food. But.....At least this is a predator that is native to this state and the area it in habits. If handled properly it can and has been able to be controlled. Its presence isn't a threat to other species that inhabit the same area.

I guess it just concerns me when we introduce a plant or animal species that is not natural to this continent and then find out after the fact that "OOPS' probably shouldn't have done that. We have many such examples of that all through this country. Kudzoo vines in Georgia...That fish on the West Coast..Cant think of its name..Just to name a few.

At least with the alligator...They can be a food source. In fact they are quite tasty, just like chicken..YUMMMMMMM!

Saturday, October 08, 2005

When I Was Invisible

I remember when I was invisible. Nooo, I don't mean the kind where you close you're eyes and if..You cant see me.. I cant see you. Although, I did think I could do that when I was a very small child or so I'm told. I mean the kind of invisible that happens sometimes when you're not quite grown up yet, but not a child anymore either. When you're not too tall or not too short, not to fat or not to thin. You do ok with grades and sports but just ok..Not star material. It was during this time I could just blend in and observe.

Part of me enjoyed this feeling of being anonymous. But part of me will admit there were times when I wanted to be more like other girls who were getting more attention. I don't think it was an issue of popularity. I went to a very small school...It was Kindergarten through 12th grade all in one school. So every one knows everyone else. I think at that age you want to be noticed by the opposite sex...But at that point in my life I was just one of the guys. Looking back on that..I think if I knew then what I know now, I would have stayed there.

Then I suppose around 8th/9th grades I started growing up...As everyone does. Of course we all do this at different rates some earlier and some later..But I remember very clearly how it felt to go from invisible to very visible. I wont lie to you...It was nice having the opposite sex pay attention to you...At least at first. The problem is....What I didn't see before..... and never was involved in...There are politics to growing up. Its a pecking order. Because while the opposite sex might pay more attention to you...So do your female counter parts. And trust me, they aren't as thrilled that your getting all this new found attention as you are...I was moving into uncharted territory, so I didn't realize there wasn't a spot at the table for everyone. I was just to amazed at the idea of how I was one person at the end of one school year and by the next year everyone thought I was someone else. That idea still baffles me.

Even today, I find that my friends or family or even more so people who don't really know me see me as one way and inside I still feel like that same kid who was invisible. I would be lying if I said that I still don't like attention occasionally. Truthfully if its positive attention..Who doesn't like that??? But there are times when I still would rather just stand in the back of the crowd and just blend in..and observe....Just become invisible...

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Home Is Where The Heart Is........

My very first post as a blogger was about the existence of a chivalrous man. I had met one for the first time and It surprised me and pleased me to know that they do indeed exist. Since then I have met a few others who would fit into this category. I'm happy to say. But the first one is always going to have my heart.

Chivalry may not be dead..But it does occasionally fly south for the winter. This is the case with my chivalrous man. I find myself feeling very lost right now. I am a little surprised that I am feeling like this. I mean its not as though he were gone forever. I guess its that I have discovered that after months of talking to this person each and every day, sometimes until the sun came up. I find it empty and entirely too quiet now that they have gone. I guess sometimes you don't realize how much you really miss something until its not there anymore.

I don't really trust easily. At least not anymore..When this person came into my life I wasn't looking to find someone to trust or share my secrets with. Maybe that's part of why this person is so different from others I have met.. Maybe that's what makes a truly chivalrous man..The ability to share that part of themselves that lets you know they understand the meaning of loyalty, honesty and respect. Aren't these things the solid base we look for when building a relationship with someone?...Whether that relationship is a friendship or something deeper.

I was told that true love is the ability to put another's needs above your own..Its selfless...So with that thought in mind I am truly glad that this person is home now with their family and friends. In a place that has always been important and held so much meaning for them. Because I can truly say that their happiness is what I care about most.

But I still miss them..Still feel empty not talking to them, even though I know in my heart that where they are now is best for them.

If home is where the heart is...then mine is much farther south.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Its That Time....

Ok if you've been here before you might notice some changes.....Yep, that's right I'm a Halloween freak. Actually as far as I'm concerned October kicks off the holiday season as I know it. First off we have my birthday, which is not nationally known as a holiday,...At least not yet. But its still pretty important to me. This lasts a full month.....Of parties, shopping and friends and family showing the love...Does this sound a bit self involved? If so..GOOD! It should be..... I love birthdays. Not just mine everybody's....So if you have a birthday in October...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU... FROM ME.

Then we have the month ending in one of my all time favorite holidays Halloween. I know there are a lot of people who feel this one is evil. The devils holiday..blah blah blah....If this is your point of view. You are entitled to it. I respect your right to it and I wish you well. I however have loved it ever since I was a kid. I loved the whole costume thing. The being out at night, the large bag of candy and assorted loot I would come home with. How can you not love that?....Plus...Its spooky...And I have always loved the scary. The pretend scary anyway. There are far to many real life monsters to be scared of.....No point in worrying about the ones in my closet. If you know what I mean..

Once my all time two favorite holidays are through, we are now moving on to the holiday of true
gluttony...Thanksgiving....The holiday where you can get together with family you see only once or twice a year....Eat large amounts of food.....That no human should ever consume in one sitting, and then sleep it off. Tell the truth....The left overs are the best part anyway aren't they? Cold turkey sandwiches...White bread, Mayo...Its almost a religious experience its so good... I realize that people reading this from other parts of the country have other thanksgiving traditions or food they enjoy. My Stepdad's family for example, used to have homemade lasagnia...There just seems something wrong with that idea...I just don't know.....

Then...Its time for Santa Claus...Yes I know, it has nothing to do with a guy in a big red suit...Its about the son of god..Jesus birth..The virgin Mary, the wise men, bright star in the sky. I know the story and I respect the true meaning of the holiday. But I grew up with Santa...And this girl says"If its not broke, don't fix it"... Its been working for me so far....I will keep it.

Then we have New Years Day(football and munchies)....Easter(Chocolate bunnies and Easter eggs)...And Valentines Day(more candy). No wonder a persons butt gets big.....

As you might have guessed I am living from holiday to holiday at this time of year. I realize a lot of people are frustrated and fed up during the holidays...But this girl isn't one of them...I am up for it and ready...To quote a friend of mine... BRING IT ON!