Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Take It To The Grave

There are those stories that you never share with the outside world. Then there are some that you share with NO ONE! Especially your friends....

But this little revelation came to a friend of ours too little to late......The other day this friend was telling us about how his morning went. He's been staying out at his grandparents house the past few weeks. He's doing some work for them. He had gone into the bathroom to brush his teeth that morning, and after a few seconds he realizes that the tooth paste tastes funny...So he picks up the tube..And realizes he has been brushing his teeth with vaginal cream.. Not just any vaginal cream, but Grandma's......

I have no words to express the laughter at the thought of my friend with his mouth full of tooth brush and vaginal cream...I still can't stop laughing and it happened a couple of days ago. Now...We all do really dumb embarrassing things..But there are some things you don't go sharing with ANYONE! Especially us..We are his friends after all and as customary with friendships..It is our responsibility to make his life miserable with this information...Which we proudly do...

There will always be those little moments you wish you could forget in life...That trip and fall in front of everyone....Or you're dress tucked up into the back of your panty hose...But this one...YOU TELL NO ONE... This story you take to your grave.....

Sunday, September 25, 2005

The Unconditional Kind...

I have never been a parent. So, I'm not sure I can completely understand all the complex emotions that happen when you become one. I know from watching my own parents that they seem to always love you, even at those times when they also seem to want to kill you. I guess maybe its a good thing my parents were given a certain amount of restraint along with their parenting skills..Because even though I was a relatively good kid..(I swear I was) There were still times I'm sure my Mom wanted to do bodily harm to me...Especially after the age of 14. If you have read anything at all about my Mom in previous posts..YOU know she owns a shovel. So I guess I'm lucky. NO...I know I am.

Last night around 3am I got a call from a friend. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was trying to hold back tears. And NO he wasn't drinking..He was completely sober. He obviously has something on his mind...But I'm thinking well..He will tell me when he's ready. So I keep it casual......"Do you know what time it is? Do you not own a watch"? That may have seemed insensitive....But my friends know me...And they know that no matter what the time, day or night that its ok to call. Its been that way forever.

My friend sort of laughs and says something like did I wake you up?...I tell him "YESSSS its 3am"! And then I ask...So what's up? He says not to much, his dad still hates him and he feels like a total screw up. He's afraid that he will never amount to anything in his life.

This person I'm talking to is just 20 years old. He does have a father who hates him. When he was younger he and some friends were fooling around with some air rifles...Which long story/ short resulting in him getting shot in the head. This injury causes a chemical imbalance which makes him bi-polar. He still struggles with this every day..Trying to get the medication regulated so he can function. The fall out from this accident causes a huge rift in the family unit.....His mom is supportive of him no matter what, regardless of the mood swings and problems...His dad...Isn't as understanding and patient. End result...Mom and Dad divorce. My friend blames himself for this. Apparently so does Dad. Sad thing is...Maybe its partly true.

Its times like this when I realize that my problems aren't all that bad. That while sometimes they feel huge to me. I at least know that my Mom is always there no matter what. Isn't that what a parent is supposed to do?...Isn't a parents love supposed to be unconditional. I know they don't always like us... Or have to love the things we choose to do. This is ok..But aren't they always suppose to love us? Even on those days when we are pretty much unloveable? Yes, there are some bad parents in this world. The news is full of them. I went to school with people who would have been better off being raised by wolves. But having parents who aren't there for you isn't you're fault is it?

The advise I gave my friend was simple. I told him that the only person in this world he had any control over was himself. No matter how much he wished it..There was nothing he could do about how his Dad felt or behaved. So he needed to tell himself..This is Dads problem. I cant control how he feels and I'm letting it go. And... If possible forgive him for it. If you walk around with this hurt inside of you, along with the worry, blame, anger and guilt...They will eat you alive. All you can do is accept ownership of your life and your actions and try and do the best you can on a day to day basis.

I think the part we fall down on sometimes, is not listening to our own conscience. That voice inside of us that wont let us lie to ourselves. We can tell the outside world its someone else's fault. Or that we are doing the best we can. But inside...We know ...And we cant hide the real truth from ourselves.

My heart breaks for people like my friend who don't have that support of love of their parents. Family is the soft blanket that should be there to wrap up in when the rest of the world is cold.
I wont say that my parents are perfect people..I think even they will be one of the first people to tell you that. Over the years we have had more than our share of parent/child disagreements. But I cant imagine not having them there somewhere...The alternative seems kind of sad and lonely.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

What Do You Think Is Out There?

What do you think is out there? When you look up in the stars at night, you know on one of those nights when there are no city lights, no clouds, just a million stars in the sky. What do you think is out there?

I remember laying on my back in the cool grass on a spring night...Looking up and those stars and asking that question. I was younger then, but sometimes occasionally I still look up and wonder. If you think about it, in comparison to how big the universe is supposed to be, we are just like one small grain of sand on a beach. Are we arrogant enough to think that out of all those other grains of sand on this immense beach full of sand.....We are the only grain with life?

I was brought up to believe in a higher power..Or god...I was taught that he created us and all that we know. The spiritual side of me still holds to that......It sometimes comforts me when things happen that I can not understand.

I also sometimes feel there is such a thing as Karma..That we put out good or evil into this world and those things we put out come back to us...Usually bigger than when they left us.

Is there such a thing as heaven do you think? I know that if you believe in god the way I was taught..That heaven is part of this package. What do you think it is that makes us who we are? What is this spark of electricity or energy that makes us more than a shell......That gives us the light in our eyes and the thoughts in our minds?...And when our bodies no longer can carry that light....Where does it go?

I have a friend who believes in reincarnation. I wont try and explain that one, because truthfully I'm not knowledgeable enough to speak on the subject. From what I do know, its a belief that we are brought back over and over again to complete or learn from our past mistakes from previous lives. I think its a do it till you get it right type thing..... If that's the case and this is how it works, I'm screwed. I cant seem to stop making the same mistakes over and over again. If in my next life, I'm mute... Maybe my mouth wont get me into so much trouble, possibly then I have a chance.

If we are this spark or life force..When do we become it? Is it when the sperm and the egg collide and cells start to divide? Or is it at the moment of birth....When we take our first real breath of air?

Sometimes the world seems soo big, and overwhelming. Then I look up in the sky and I think about all the people I know who are in Ireland, Georgia, Kentucky, Iraq, South Africa, New Mexico, Texas, Germany and Canada, and a few more places I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention. Who are looking up at the same sky, the same stars on the same night I am. Its then, the world doesn't seem so big anymore.

But tell me....What do you think is out there?

Monday, September 19, 2005


(Advancement Through Technology)

I just read an article about a German inventor who has come up with a way of producing an organic diesel fuel. Sounds good so far right? I sure thought so. This creative guy has figured out how to produce a bio-diesel fuel for about $1.35 a gallon... And with gas prices being what they are who wouldn't love that?

Well here's where the controversy comes in. This inventor has gotten the animal rights people all upset......Because apparently one of his ingredients is dead cats. He says that he uses a blend of garbage, roadkill cats and other ingredients to produce the miracle fuel. The inventors firm states, that it takes about 20 dead cats added to this blend of garbage and other ingredients to produce enough fuel to fill an 11 gallon tank.

The President of the German Society for the Protection of Animals warns that using dead cats to produce fuel is illegal.

Ok now, before the cat lovers jump on me...I don't have anything against cats. I realize that sometimes we become very attached to our pets. It just seems funny to me that there would be so much controversy over using a dead animal to produce a fuel source. The inventor isn't whisking poor little Fluffy away in the dead of night, only to grind him up so that we can all spend a little less at the gas pumps. Naturally, if this were the case I would have a problem with it too. But using what was described as road kill animals and garbage to produce this low cost bio-fuel doesn't seem like a really bad plan to me. It actually seems rather creative. Especially in a world where we are so dependent on fossil fuels and other countries to provide a lot of those said fuels. Its about time we had someone thinking outside the box.

Or maybe litter box, depending on how you want to look at it.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

No Conspiracies Here...Just Plain Old Fashioned Screw Up's

Why is it that when things go wrong, everyone always wants to find the conspiracy theory? Cant it just be just poor management on someone's part? Or lack of desire to do the right thing? Or perhaps just some good old fashioned bad luck? Wrong time, wrong place.

Nope! That wont do...The first thing we want to see is some plot by some nefarious or covert power to undermine a situation or person. Is it because we have too many real life cloak and dagger things through out our history to be able to have faith in our government or our leaders? Is it too difficult to believe that things are the way we are told they are? Have we had one to many Watergate's,Whitewater's and Monica's to believe a situation at face value?

I suppose that no matter what the situation there will always be those who look for that smoking gun. Intent on finding who shot JF Kennedy, or knowing where Jimmy Hoffa went off to, or how Elvis has been doing since he went underground. I have heard it said that as a people we are just not ready to know all the facts. I suppose this could be true. If it is, its condescending and insulting. It would mean that some where along the line we have been put in the position of children. Only being told or taught what's good for us. Or if you try and take another angle......And we are seen with the mentality of children, then that means, what we are told is only what we are capable of understanding and coping with. Then what does that say about the shape of our nation as a whole?

I believe even the smallest child can be told the truth and understand and grasp a situation if told to them in a way that they will understand. Not only can they..But I believe that if they are curious enough to ask the question..They should be given a straight forward answer to their question. If you insist on dumbing down to speak to a child...Then that is what the child learns and knows. Is that the way it is with the general public too?

Sometimes I think its important to realize that a duck is just a duck. There is no behind the scene mystery or plot. That things are really exactly how they look. That if something has gone wrong that it could be no more than poor management or planning or just bad timing. Possibly a combination of all of the above. And more than likely, it wasn't just some dark power out to get you. Unless you are a believer in the devil... I suppose there are some religious groups and TV evangelists that would be all over that last one.

I guess the bottom line is...Why cant we just admit, that sometimes we drop the ball? Or that we simply made a bad choice? I think I would rather hear that and know that the person leading me is human. Than to feel as though they can not admit an obvious flaw in character or plan. Someone who wants to be perceived as above being human scares me far more than any conspiracy theory.

Friday, September 16, 2005

Isn't That Just Kick You In The Crotch Spit On Your Neck Fantastic

I usually read the weird stories in the news. Just because people generally never cease to amaze me. Tonight there were just to many to pick just one so here are the highlights.

Mommies Dearest.....

There was the mom who locked her 23 month old son in the car along with her car keys. Then didn't want rescuers to break in the window of her Audi A4..The infant had already been in this hot car for 20 minutes, but this wonder mom wanted to go home and get her spare key instead of breaking her cars window...Awwww can you feel the love?

Then there is the woman who didn't want the fact her 14 year old daughter was missing to mess up her vacation. Well gee can you blame her? She and her boyfriend did have non refundable airline tickets to Lake Tahoe. And she was going to leave her cell number where she could be reached should the police locate her daughter. I know when the police called and told her they had found her child, who was safe in Texas after being lured there by a 37 year old guy from the internet was breathing a huge sigh of relief...Or maybe she wasn't...Do you think she could find a sitter so she could finish out the vacation?

Poor Judgment.....

I always think kick ass when I think of Texas justice. I guess no one told this judge. He accepted a plea bargain from a 46 year old man who pleaded no contest in the aggravated sexual assault of a 7 year old girl. This judge felt sympathy toward the mans "frail heart condition" so instead of any jail time...He told him he needed to do 320 hours of community service...And here's the kicker...Spent specifically on knitting afghans. Damn that's harsh...If I were in Texas I know Id be sleeping better tonight knowing this guy is on the job...NOT!

I Just Forgot.....

There was the 24 year old guy from Oklahoma City who got on an airplane with a homemade pipe bomb in his luggage. He said he had just forgotten about it....You know that kind of stuff happens to me all the time....

What about this 36 year old lady in Norway who was arrested for bigamy. She told the officers...She had just forgotten she was already married...Yea I think that's probably why the divorce rate is so high.. A lot of people just forget they are married...I can see that happening... After all it really gets in the way of their dating.

I sometimes wonder what people have going through their minds that would cause them to behave or say some of the stupid things they do...Maybe that's the problem..Lights are on but NOBODY'S home.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Not On Sunday....

Competition is not my thing. It never has been. I don't believe I have the personality for it. Unless we are talking about fishing. I wont lead you to believe that I'm the type to enter a contest to get a trophy or win that new bass boat. I cant talk to you about the newest Bill Dance Red Wiggler Lure. Or the pros and cons of large mouth bass vs the small mouth variety. But when I do get out there and throw my line into the water and wait....I expect a pay off for my patience. I do not just WANT to catch a fish, I NEED TO! If I cant catch the biggest fish, then I at least must catch the most.

Its a sickness I know. But I come by it honestly. My great grandmother was a little like this. My fathers family is from south Georgia. Every time we would go back for a visit. Granny would talk us into taking her to all the local hot spots that she new were full of fish. She never fished from a boat, only from the bank. Mostly in ponds and usually with a cane pole and bobber. I have used this method before and while I still like a little Zebco rod and reel. A cane pole will get the job done. The thing about Granny was, the woman could not stand it if you were getting fish nibbling your line while she was getting nothing. If she saw your bober getting a tug. You can bet money, within a few minutes she would be elbow to elbow with you trying to throw her line into your spot. Now to me.......This is just poor fishing etiquette. You do not poach on another's spot. At least not while they are standing there pole in hand. And if you think I'm bad about needing to catch something...YOU haven't seen anything till you watched this woman. If the fish has lips and a tail she felt it was worthy of going in the bucket. Now, I wanted to catch something too. But even I know the difference between a fish and bait.

Granny was a sport. She loved going to church, fishing and eves dropping on other peoples conversations. Not necessarily in that order. But even as much as she liked to fish, in her opinion there were only two things you were allowed to do on a Sunday. Go to church and eat dinner after. During one visit while she was trying to talk my parents into staying one more day so we could go fishing at a couple places she hadn't tried yet. I made the mistake butting in and opening my mouth..."We can always go tomorrow cant we"? My parents who should have been there to step in and side track my mistake, said nothing.....They just gave me that look.....Well...You stepped in it now. Granny looks at me and in shock says "ON SUNDAY"!!!!??

I have been in this family all my life. If I have learned nothing else I know this, when you hit rock bottom.....Stop digging. So I did what anyone would do when they were afraid for their mortal soul. I lied. I said "NOOOOO MAM...Is tomorrow Sunday? I forgot what day it was. No we cant go tomorrow". My parents who I thought were my protectors just sat their during this and said nothing. I know it was their way of giving me another one of those lessons they are so fond of.

I don't know if the lord would send you to Hell for fishing on Sunday. But I know that my Granny surely would have.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

How I Learned About The Fine China

My grandparents weren't the chatty type. They didn't feel comfortable sitting down with my mom to discuss the sensitive issues...Sex, Drugs, and Rock n Roll. My mom said her biggest influence on these subjects was her grandfather. She recalls being over at his house on many occasions while he was watching the 6 o'clock news. It was the 60's so the news was about women burning bras, the war in Vietnam and civil rights. My mom said her grandfather would pick a subject and say, "Tell me what do you think of that"? Of course my mom would give her opinion on what ever topic it was. But no matter what she said...Her grandfather would always have a different opinion. Always the complete opposite of hers. They would get into these long heated debates about woman's rights, war,drugs or politics. She said it wasn't until she was older she realized her grandfather did this on purpose. He just enjoyed the debate, so he was purposely choosing the opposite view in order to get things going. She said that it was a huge influence in her life. It caused her at a very early age to think of where she stood on things in this world. When she got older, a lot of the things she had formed opinions about when she was that kid, still stayed with her.

So needless to say. When I came along mom was all fired up and ready to start filling my little brain with all kinds of ideas and talks about all sorts of subjects. She said if I was old enough to ask the question she would try and give me an answer that I could understand as honestly as she could. This was good and bad. Sometimes I just wanted a simple yes or no to a question. Not the lengthy talk my mom had prepared with drawings and diagrams.

One such talk involved my first exposure to someone telling me about sex. I had just turned 5. We lived in a larger city then. In an apartment complex, in an apartment below some children that were slightly older than myself..But far more worldly. One day while playing one of these children were discussing men and woman having sex. Using words and terms that would make a sailor blush. Of course being the little sponge I was...I took all this information down and promptly went back to mom for a conformation that people did indeed participate in this unbelievable activity.

Well my mom had apparently been gearing up for this talk, although I don't think she expected it to happen quite this soon. So she sits me down and says yes, people do have sex. But those kids didn't have all the facts straight. So let me tell you the right way. First she said we do not use those names for the body parts. Those are slang words. The correct names are...

Ok STOP!!!!!..... Did my mom just say they did do this stuff?...EWWWWWW! Even at my young age I found it hard to believe my mom and dad would want to do something like that. To this day I have no idea how I was conceived, because I can never picture my parents ever having sex. The idea is just too.......Well lets just say, there's not enough therapy in the world to fix this one. While my mind is still trying to wrap itself around the first thing she's told me....... She is moving on to body parts and names. So I was only getting half of that. Then she proceeded to move on to some diagram of something...I really lost focused on this part, because in truth my question had already been answered.

It wasn't until a few weeks later that my mom realized she hadn't quite gotten her talk across as she would have hoped. I was in the bathtub getting ready to get out. We had some family visiting us at that time..So my mom was trying to hurry me along, so she could get back to company. She tells me to get out of the bathtub..Dry off and go down the hall and get my PJ's. I said NOOO mom..I cant do that. She looks at me like why not?..."Because everyone's going to see my "Fine China".....Ok, maybe I misunderstood the word and it wasn't Fine China.

But I knew Nobody was seeing mine.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Lessons Learned...

I'm getting ready to have another Birthday. I love birthdays. Not just mine but everyone's. I think that everyone deserves a day to celebrate the time they came to this earth and to the people who have now come to know and love them. I am not foolish enough to think that I have learned everything I need to know about life and people yet. I believe most of us if we pay attention and stay open are learning new lessons up until the day we leave this world. But I have learned a few things and made a few observations about people.

I think there are still a lot of good people in this world. Even though some of them still have flaws and make their share of mistakes. They are still kind in heart and have good souls. I have learned from these individuals about the kind of person I wish to be.

Funny thing is, I've learned from some not so nice people to. I have learned from them that I do not want to gossip. Most of the time this kind of talk is based on jealousy or ignorance. It serves no purpose other than to put down someone else's character, while destroying your own in the process.

I do not want to be jealous. I know this is more of an emotion than a conscious act, it does nothing but feed on your insecurities. I would rather be able to feel trust in the person I love and happy for others and their accomplishments, than to feel the fear or anger that jealousy breeds.

I do not want to control. I know that the only person in this life I have any real control over is myself. I do not want to try and force others to think as I do, or behave in a certain way by trying to manipulate them emotionally or physically.

To the people in my life or just the ones who have passed through my life anonymously that have taught me some of these lessons. I thank you. You may have hurt me or knocked me down temporally. But I'm not out, I got back up on my feet and I am stronger than I was before you came along. You can still hurt me..Words always have that power. But I'm not ashamed of that. Its ok to feel pain, or hurt when your attacked. I wont however let you make me feel bitter or angry. I will not become you. It takes to much time and energy to feel those things and I wont waste any of mine on you. To the person in my past or to any in my future who think they will try and control me by physical means...DON'T DO IT. I'm not so young or inexperienced anymore. I will not be to shy or insecure as to let you ever hurt me like that again.

I have learned that its important to forgive, but not to forget. Because while forgiveness heals...Forgetting is a lesson that's gone unlearned. It may take me a few tries...But eventually even I get it. To those of you out there who have taught me so much....Thank you again..And Happy Birthday.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Girl I Brought You Into This World

One of my moms favorite sayings is "Girl I brought you into this world and I can take you out the same way". My reply is always....."You can try, but my heads a lot bigger now". This comment is usually following some smart remark I've made to her in an attempt to instigate something. I inherited the smartass gene from dads side of the family. My moms side has a string of strong willed women. This is a nice way of saying opinionated...Another trait I also seem to have inherited.

My moms side of the family are firm believers that its not enough to punish, you should also be taught a lesson. My grandparents were almost diabolical in there attempts to teach my mom these lessons when she was younger. One incident involved my mom and her first pair of safety scissors. Apparently she had been given instructions not to cut anything that was not paper. Of course for my mom this was just dangling temptation in front of her. She says, that after she cut off all of her eyelashes, it automatically occurred to her that maybe you really need those for something important. So with safety scissors behind her back and her eyes squinted as though the sun were in them, she marches out to my grandmother and asks, "What would happen if a person cut off their eyelashes"? My grandmother, with out missing a beat replies "I think you would go blind". OK... No trauma caused there right?

Yep, that kind of parenting skill was definitely passed on to my mom in her efforts to raise me. Not that my mom needed many such lessons for me. I was a good kid. Seriously, you can ask her, I was pretty much no trouble. Part of the reason for this is because I always knew some where in the back of my mind that there was always the chance the woman meant business. Never under estimate what a little healthy intimidation can do for your behavior. I think I probably got about 5 spankings my whole life. Most of the time all it took to keep me in line was something I refer to as the "white eye". You know that look parents give you when they raise their eyebrows and what you see is mostly the whites of their eyes. Yeah, I got that look and I knew it was get in line or the wrath of god was forth coming.

I suppose you could be thinking...Well there you go, that explains a lot..No wonder she's a little reality challenged. Well you could have a point. But I've never had to call for bail money yet. I'm not on drugs or leading a life of crime. And all signs right now point to the possibility I may actually be employed and self supporting some day. So maybe mom didn't do to bad. Just don't tell her that ok..I don't want her getting to over confident..She's already hard to live with.

Monday, September 05, 2005

I Love The Way Things Work

I have always been fascinated by the way things work. I am one of those people who sees something done and has to turn it over and see how it was put together or functions. I am addicted when it comes to those shows on TV that build something or explain some mystery. I love to watch them restore old cars or build motorcycles. I love the way they design, shape and paint to create.

I am also interested in the mystery of science. The way they can put together small pieces of fiber here or a spot of DNA there like pieces of a puzzle. Yes, I am a CSI junkie as well. I recently found out that the science that makes up the CSI show isn't as compact as the show leads you to believe. I suppose I should have logically known this. Apparently the characters are a composite of many different aspects of the forensic field. In real life it would take much longer to piece together this puzzle and it would be in a variety of hands, each doing a specific task. I should have known this, because it seems pretty obvious and logical that it wouldn't work the way its portrayed on TV and that they would make those changes for dramatic license to benefit the show.

I have never really seriously considered committing a crime. Definitely not one that would require CSI to pull out their bag of science tricks to pin the crime on me..But there have been a few times in the past that I think my mom was tempted to put a couple young men in shallow holes in our back yard. Not that I can blame her considering the circumstances. I think she's gotten past her homicidal thoughts, but just in case..I don't think Ill mention this whole thing about CSI not working the way it looks on TV..I may decided I want to date again someday and she still owns that shovel.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Much More Than A Twang

I realize some people have a poor view of the south and of the people who were born and raised here. They choose to believe the stereotypical ideas and pictures of what they think we are. They hear that southern drawl and automatically assume that there must be a lack of intelligence or education that go with that twang. If this is your assumption you would be wrong. I suppose some of these ideas and views are fostered by the way we are portrayed by the media. They usually show the poor and uneducated and somehow that then becomes all people think we are.

But lets set the record straight. We here in the south do not knowingly marry our cousins. We have as much desire as the next person to seek higher education. Believe it or not, well past the 3rd grade level. We appreciate art... Not just paintings of Elvis or dogs playing poker on black velvet. But the real stuff that hangs in museums. We can and do appreciate classical music. Although personally, I appreciate the finer classical old rock. We enjoy reading...And more profound things than just the national Enquirer.

While we may like life moving a little slower sometimes....We love watching the sun go down on the river. We love good old fashioned vegetables out of a garden and home cooking. We have a strong sense of family and community. As a group we sometimes are wearily curious of strangers. But usually our manners kick in and we will open ourselves up to you and show you warmth and hospitality.

We may not all be as cultured as others out there....But we are usually able to see our flaws and short comings and find the humor in them. We are taught at a young age manners and respect of others....And would never insult anyone by pointing out their lack of the above. We are not the inbred thieves that some would like to think we are. We are honest and hard working. I take pride in where I live. I'm proud of the kind warm generous people that live here. Keep an open mind about people different than yourself. Come and meet us...see for yourself...we wont hold it against you just because just because you talk funny.