Gummy Worms, Sunglasses and Satan's Spawn

I never shopped at the Dollar Store much before. Because before I was usually spending my Moms money.....So the truth is the cost of things really didn't mean that much to me. However now that I have a job and have to use my own cash to make my small purchases...Its truly amazing how thrifty I have become.

Well today I'm in the dollar store picking up the few odd items. Just for those of you who have never had the pleasure of shopping at a Dollar Store.....Let me tell you, its a veritable treasure trove of useless junk, all of which you will think you have to have. All at the bargain price of......You guessed, it a dollar!

Today though I have my arms full of things I really didn't need....Like that extra pair of flip flops that just caught my eye.....Those cheap sunglasses that you need for each and every summer.....The shampoo with that fruity smell I like....A couple of black cherry candles.....A picture frame and one package of gummy worms. The last one was an impulse item at the check out counter.

Anyway I'm standing there with my arms loaded down. I should have gotten one of those little baskets to put my stuff in, I know.....But I was only coming in there to get an air freshener for my car, so I didn't think I needed one. Which if you will notice wasn't on the above mentioned list of items I walked out of the store with.

So, I was standing behind a woman with a small child in a buggy. This child was approximately 4 years old. And obviously not very well behaved, because from the moment I entered the store I was aware of his presence by his tantrum like screams and his mother yelling at him.

Normally I would have just ignored the little dirt eater and gone on with my day. But this is where he got me. As I stood there patiently waiting for my turn at the cash register, I hear the for mentioned tot...Refer to me as A..... "Doody Head". I being the adult in this situation...Just ignored the child's comment and pretended as though I hadn't even heard him. Something his mother also seemed to be doing. But then, it happened again..."Dooooody Head".

OK now the little midget was starting to annoy me. But I was still perfectly willing to ignore him...Until he pulled out a weapon. He was caring a semi automatic squirt gun...Loaded. He takes aim....Grins at me really big.....I give him one of those you better not if you know what's good for you looks...He just grins again..And says "Doody Head" and opens fire on the front of my T-shirt.

Now at this point...I've got a large wet spot on the front of me..And I've been called a Doody Head at least 3 times. I'm thinking its time to take the little monster down. He was less than 3 feet tall. So I seriously considered taking that gun away from him and turning it back on him and giving him a taste of his own medicine. But he was with his mother...Hmmm.... I sized her up too..She looked like she was a malnourished 98 pounds...And I noticed the two packs of cigarettes in her purse...She wasn't in great shape...Possibly a chain smoker...I believe I probably could have taken her down too along with the kid.

During this entire time..She pretended not to notice that her kid was calling me out...Or that he fired upon me without provocation. I was this close to giving in and starting one of those small town Jerry Springer moments right there in the check out line of the local Dollar Store...When the kids mom finishes her transaction and grabs her buggy and pushes it and the little spawn of satan out the door.

Then I started thinking. If that had been my mom...And I had the poor judgment to use the words Doody Head in her presence let alone direct it at a grown up...She would have torn me up. She wouldn't have waited until we got out to the car to inflict punishment on me..She would have snatched my butt out of that buggy and torn it up right then and there...Then dared anyone in the store to call those child abuse people because she had just disciplined her child. She probably would have continued the discipline by washing the ever loving taste out of my mouth when she got me home too.

I thought the phrase "shut up" was swearing up until I got older..And even now..I still don't say those words. My mom had a thing about manners..You said please and thank you..Yes Mam, No Mam...And you never and I mean never called someone names like Doody Head.

Now I will say this..As a child I didn't get many spankings. Not because I didn't misbehave..But because usually all my mom had to do was give me that look and I knew one more step and my life wasn't going to be a happy one. She had this quiet sound to her voice...That one that you knew was meant only for you to hear..And that you knew if you heard it..Things were going to get ugly.

I would like to think as a child I just had enough common sense to know better and avoid these incidents. But truly I just knew not to mess with my mom. If she said NO...You can pretty much take it to the bank that's exactly what she meant. And she wasn't going to change her mind.

Now if your thinking that I was scared of my mom...Heck yes I was! But I guess a little healthy intimidation is just good parenting. Whatever she did it must have worked. You don't hear me using the words Doody Head do you?