How I Learned About The Fine China

My grandparents weren't the chatty type. They didn't feel comfortable sitting down with my mom to discuss the sensitive issues...Sex, Drugs, and Rock n Roll. My mom said her biggest influence on these subjects was her grandfather. She recalls being over at his house on many occasions while he was watching the 6 o'clock news. It was the 60's so the news was about women burning bras, the war in Vietnam and civil rights. My mom said her grandfather would pick a subject and say, "Tell me what do you think of that"? Of course my mom would give her opinion on what ever topic it was. But no matter what she said...Her grandfather would always have a different opinion. Always the complete opposite of hers. They would get into these long heated debates about woman's rights, war,drugs or politics. She said it wasn't until she was older she realized her grandfather did this on purpose. He just enjoyed the debate, so he was purposely choosing the opposite view in order to get things going. She said that it was a huge influence in her life. It caused her at a very early age to think of where she stood on things in this world. When she got older, a lot of the things she had formed opinions about when she was that kid, still stayed with her.

So needless to say. When I came along mom was all fired up and ready to start filling my little brain with all kinds of ideas and talks about all sorts of subjects. She said if I was old enough to ask the question she would try and give me an answer that I could understand as honestly as she could. This was good and bad. Sometimes I just wanted a simple yes or no to a question. Not the lengthy talk my mom had prepared with drawings and diagrams.

One such talk involved my first exposure to someone telling me about sex. I had just turned 5. We lived in a larger city then. In an apartment complex, in an apartment below some children that were slightly older than myself..But far more worldly. One day while playing one of these children were discussing men and woman having sex. Using words and terms that would make a sailor blush. Of course being the little sponge I was...I took all this information down and promptly went back to mom for a conformation that people did indeed participate in this unbelievable activity.

Well my mom had apparently been gearing up for this talk, although I don't think she expected it to happen quite this soon. So she sits me down and says yes, people do have sex. But those kids didn't have all the facts straight. So let me tell you the right way. First she said we do not use those names for the body parts. Those are slang words. The correct names are...

Ok STOP!!!!!..... Did my mom just say they did do this stuff?...EWWWWWW! Even at my young age I found it hard to believe my mom and dad would want to do something like that. To this day I have no idea how I was conceived, because I can never picture my parents ever having sex. The idea is just too.......Well lets just say, there's not enough therapy in the world to fix this one. While my mind is still trying to wrap itself around the first thing she's told me....... She is moving on to body parts and names. So I was only getting half of that. Then she proceeded to move on to some diagram of something...I really lost focused on this part, because in truth my question had already been answered.

It wasn't until a few weeks later that my mom realized she hadn't quite gotten her talk across as she would have hoped. I was in the bathtub getting ready to get out. We had some family visiting us at that time..So my mom was trying to hurry me along, so she could get back to company. She tells me to get out of the bathtub..Dry off and go down the hall and get my PJ's. I said NOOO mom..I cant do that. She looks at me like why not?..."Because everyone's going to see my "Fine China".....Ok, maybe I misunderstood the word and it wasn't Fine China.

But I knew Nobody was seeing mine.