Girl I Brought You Into This World

One of my moms favorite sayings is "Girl I brought you into this world and I can take you out the same way". My reply is always....."You can try, but my heads a lot bigger now". This comment is usually following some smart remark I've made to her in an attempt to instigate something. I inherited the smartass gene from dads side of the family. My moms side has a string of strong willed women. This is a nice way of saying opinionated...Another trait I also seem to have inherited.

My moms side of the family are firm believers that its not enough to punish, you should also be taught a lesson. My grandparents were almost diabolical in there attempts to teach my mom these lessons when she was younger. One incident involved my mom and her first pair of safety scissors. Apparently she had been given instructions not to cut anything that was not paper. Of course for my mom this was just dangling temptation in front of her. She says, that after she cut off all of her eyelashes, it automatically occurred to her that maybe you really need those for something important. So with safety scissors behind her back and her eyes squinted as though the sun were in them, she marches out to my grandmother and asks, "What would happen if a person cut off their eyelashes"? My grandmother, with out missing a beat replies "I think you would go blind". OK... No trauma caused there right?

Yep, that kind of parenting skill was definitely passed on to my mom in her efforts to raise me. Not that my mom needed many such lessons for me. I was a good kid. Seriously, you can ask her, I was pretty much no trouble. Part of the reason for this is because I always knew some where in the back of my mind that there was always the chance the woman meant business. Never under estimate what a little healthy intimidation can do for your behavior. I think I probably got about 5 spankings my whole life. Most of the time all it took to keep me in line was something I refer to as the "white eye". You know that look parents give you when they raise their eyebrows and what you see is mostly the whites of their eyes. Yeah, I got that look and I knew it was get in line or the wrath of god was forth coming.

I suppose you could be thinking...Well there you go, that explains a lot..No wonder she's a little reality challenged. Well you could have a point. But I've never had to call for bail money yet. I'm not on drugs or leading a life of crime. And all signs right now point to the possibility I may actually be employed and self supporting some day. So maybe mom didn't do to bad. Just don't tell her that ok..I don't want her getting to over confident..She's already hard to live with.