To All Knights In Shining Armor....

To those of you thinking you might like to apply for the job of Knight in Shining Armor...

STOP! This message is for you.

First of all I have to ask you why would you even want this job? Do you realize exactly what it is you'll be doing?

You will be climbing up to the tower, and rescuing the Damsel that's in Distress. Maybe slaying the odd dragon for her too. Whatever the situation requires. All because you decided that you are her champion and that is what they do.

So when its all said and done...She gets all her problems taken care of, but what exactly do you get out of it? Is it the gratitude from the Damsel? I suppose that could be sort of nice. A little boost to the ego. However, long term I don't see that being enough to make it worth it for you. You realize too, that rescuing a Damsel in Distress is sort of like feeding a stray dog. Once you do it, you can never get rid of them. They are then your responsibility for life. YES LIFE... That's a long time to be constantly having to fix things and pulling someone else's butt out of trouble.

While I'm sure it feels all Nobel and good in the beginning....Is that really the life you want forever? You could ask yourself this.....How did she get up in that tower in need of rescuing to begin with? Could it be that her trouble was of her own making? Hmmm now there's a thought.

Lets even take that one step further..If she is up there because she screwed up and deserves to be.....Why do you want to get her down? Because when you go and rescue a Damsel in Distress the only thing your left with is a Distressed Damsel. In my way of thinking that's not a real prize worth the trouble of climbing a tower or slaying a dragon. I don't care how cute she is when she's got that needy, eye lash batting, pouty face. That stuff only takes you so far.... I say leave her butt up there..Let her find her own way down.

Maybe its time to find a girl with her feet firmly planted on the ground. One who knows what she wants and can handle her own problems for herself. One that might even be able to lend you some assistance should you ever be in need of some dragon slaying yourself. One who might be a partner when building a castle instead of another burden to carry.

Maybe its time to take off the Armor and stop trying fix things. Maybe its time to be a regular man and find a regular woman you can share your life with. One that you like as is, no modifications needed.

Castles can be fixer uppers.....The partners we choose should be no assembly required.

The Devil Wears Lip Gloss

In case you had any doubts let me put them to rest. The Devil is very much alive here in the South and she wears lip gloss. When you first see her, you don't really notice anything notably different about her. In fact she could even be thought of as friendly and beautiful.

But make no mistake my friend, she is indeed a bunny boiler. Not just any ordinary bunny boiler. NOOO! She is what every other bunny boiler aspires to become. From her angelic batting of eye lashes, to her pouty glossed lips. She is perfumed, polished and perfectly clothed. No, she is not just any bunny boiler. She is their queen.

With her chameleon like personality, she adapts to her surroundings and to the people around her drawing them close to her. They feel they need to protect her, to do for her, to worship her. Because just as with every queen, she requires subjects or minion if you will. And as with every bunny boiler, she needs complete and total adoration from her friends and followers. As long as she is being adored and taken care of...You are one of the chosen. Should you stop fulfilling her constant need for attention, you will be cast aside and forgotten. If you're lucky.

If you should be unfortunate enough to fall in love with her. Just know there is no cure for her. No vaccine to make you immune to her self serving ways. So if you decide to become involved understand this...She is self centered, manipulative and at times vindictive. She is the human equivalent to tic tac toe....The only way to win is never to play the game.

If you see her coming your way do not be decieved into thinking she is just a harmless girl. If you refuse to listen to the warnings. Decide to ignore the lessons learned from the others that have come before you. Then do not be surprised when blinded by what you think is love turns out to be just another one of her manipulations and deceptions.

When you find yourself being run down, reduced to just another road kill. You dont have to ask who was driving the car that did you in. You will know.

If not, let me give you a hint....She was wearing lip gloss.

Predator Or Prey?

I read in the news paper that recently a local 14 year old boy had been arrested. His charges were:

• Soliciting to bring a 12 year old girl to town for the purposes of having sex with her.
• Possession of child pornography
• Transmitting child pornography over the internet.

With me so far?

Now the boy who thought he was speaking on the internet to a producer of pornographic films. He wasn't...He was in fact talking to an undercover police officer in the state of Pennsylvania.

The boy thought he was sending the 65 pornographic photos to this producer.

He also thought that he was negotiating with this said producer to be in one of his films. He had negotiated a price for his participation in the film and agreed that he would have sex with what he thought was the producers 12 year old niece. None of which was true obviously because this was really a undercover police officer.

The police officer..Who's job it is to monitor this type of behavior on the internet...Talking with the boy..At the time thought the boy was 20 years old. Because that's what the boy told him. He also knew there was no 12 year old girl because he had made that part up to go along with his cover story. He did receive the pornographic photographs from the boy...Who had in turn received them from an unknown source in England.

The undercover officer thinking that the boy is an adult and is using a home computer to contact him, contacts local law enforcement to set up a meet. To arrest what they thought to be 20 year old man at a local hotel. The boy thinking he was going to meet this producer and his niece and be filmed having sex with her shows up and promptly gets arrested.

Ok now here's where some of this all sort of bugs me....

First of all..Not to cut the kid any slack..He was completely in the wrong here. However..He is 14.. And not the brightest bulb on the tree for a number of reasons. Using a public library computer being just one of them...But he is still in fact a stupid kid. Does he really have the mental thinking at this point in his life to understand the consequences of his actions? Part of me thinks yes and part says no.

Secondly..He isn't randomly seeking out 12 year old girls to entice them into have sex with him. The fictitious young girl was offered to him via the undercover officer. Was it still wrong to accept the deal? YES OF COURSE IT WAS. But would he have done so if not prompted by the officer? I don't know..Maybe so.

The young kid in question also received his pornographic photos from another source..Out of the country. Where are these people? Who are they?

I guess while I find the kids behavior wrong on so many levels and I am in no way trying to defend it..Because lets face it, there is something wrong with his moral compass to consider entering into this deal at all.

But after hearing the details of what transpired. I have to ask myself is he predator or prey?

Welcome To My World

I woke up this morning at 5:30 am. I lay there in the dark trying to figure out why I couldn't sleep and why I was feeling so restless. About 7:30 or so when the parental units leave for work..I decided to get up...Pour myself an industrial size cup of coffee and check the email. Read a few blogs.

Ok that took all of about 5 minutes...Because lets face it hardly anyone blogs or even emails on the weekends...

I turned on the TV.....Dear lord what has happened to Saturday morning cartoons? Between those and the bad TV infomercial's...There is nothing going on there. Id would have even settle for reruns of American Chopper or the Biker Build Offs right now. But no such luck there.

I decide to opt for some music. Cranked up a little CCR...(Creedence Clearwater Revival) Which while I enjoyed it......it has just made me more restless for something to do. Or maybe that was the 3 cups of coffee I've had so far.

Normally Id be munching on some Special K Red Berries cereal about now......But this morning that's not sounding so great. So I decided to nuke the left over fettuccini. YES.. For breakfast. I've never personally understood why people get so ridged with what can and can not be consumed for a breakfast food. I can eat ice cream for breakfast and cereal for a night time snack. And occasionally do.

Id call a friend...But everyone I want to talk to right now, is to far away on the other side of the world and probably at work. Helping misguided Americans onto a trains. Lucky Americans.

I've been invited to do the regular weekend thing on the river or out at the lake. But the weather is looking sort of iffy right now. Maybe in a few hours that will improve.

Besides that, none of my local friends will be up this early. Most of them are never up at this time of the morning. Unless they just haven't gone to bed yet from the night before. Which is a definite possibility.

So here I sit ....Trying to blog. Completely bored out of my brain. And now after reading this....So are you.

Welcome to my world.

Not A Keeper

To say that my Dad was a wild child is an understatement. From some of the stories I hear..The wild part didn't stop in his youth either. He's pretty much stayed that way all the way up to this present day. If anything has slowed him down at all....It is most likely age and maybe his health.

While I wont say I approve of all my Dads behavior..Some of it is pretty scandalous. Every now and then there is a story that is told that you cant help but chuckle over.

Before I was born when he and my mom were in the first years of marriage, to say that my dad enjoyed a party is putting it mildly. It wasn't unusual for him to leave the house for a loaf of bread and get "side tracked". My Mom would not see him again till the wee hours of the morning or the next day. This as you can probably imagine did not sit so well with my Mom.

Usually it was my Moms habit to make a lunch for my Dad each morning. He carried a small cooler with him everyday for that lunch, which conveniently doubled as a beer receptacle in the evening.

One evening.....Dad getting "side tracked" the way he did on occasion, decided that he and a buddy would go fishing. Tell some lies, drink a few cold ones. Normally Id say this was a pretty harmless activity. The thing is..Its a probably a good idea to inform the Mrs you wont be home anytime soon before she sits up all night worrying about your sorry butt.

Anyway......Dad rolls up in the early morning hours...Just before daylight...Mom is, as you can probably guess, livid. So she's not exactly in the frame of mind for packing him a tasty lunch. Dad barely having any sleep from the night before and having to get up in a few hours for work, decides not to pack one for himself. Instead opting for some additional sleep time.

When lunch time rolls around that day...Everyone's sitting around in a group in the grass. Popping open their lunch boxes and enjoying their mid day meal. My Dad opens his cooler....All that's in there is a half eaten bag of potato chips from the day before and some dead shiners (small silvery colored fish) that he had used for bait on the fishing excursion.

Sitting next to Dad was a laborer...That was notably pretty annoying to most everyone else on the crew. The guy was one of those know-it-alls...Who couldn't be told or taught anything. He continuously fabricated these elaborate stories of his exploits on and off the job site. I believe in an attempt to try and appear cooler in the eyes of the more seasoned men on the job.

Well my Dad being no stranger to a tall tale or two...Saw the laborer lean over and sneak a peek into his cooler.

The laborer making a face says "What is that"?

My Dad "Its lunch".

Laborer "You are going to eat that"?

My Dad "Heck yeah, these are great. Haven't you ever eaten sardines before"?

Laborer...Making a skeptical face.. "Yeah, I have".

My Dad "Well these are sort of like that only better".

At this point.....My Dad takes two potato chips out of his bag and one of the less slimy of the shiners out of the his cooler. Places said fish between the two potato chips and bites it in two.

The laborer...Completely grossed out that my Dad just did this, turns his head away. While doing so, my Dad spits the morsel into his napkin and then pops another potato chip in his mouth and pretends to continue chewing as though he's never eaten anything finer.

There are now a few half grins on the faces of some of the other men sitting around observing this fishing expedition....But no one laughs or says a word...They just watch.

The laborer....turns his head back to my Dad and sees my Dad happily chewing what he thinks is the shiner and chips. Now...He's got this look on his face as though...hmmmm maybe this guys for real. This is when my Dad gets ready to set the hook.....

My Dad says "Would you like to try one? I usually don't share them, because I don't get to have them that often. But Ill let you try one since you've never had one before".

Now normally a guy who is secure with himself and has nothing to prove would have said "Nah man..You enjoy those". And that would have been the end of it. But this guy, was so wrapped up in being the man and appearing cool in front of the other guys.....He just couldn't bring himself to back down and refuse my Dads offer.

My Dad lets him reach in the bag grab two potato chips. Then hands the laborer a shiner. The nastiest.....Most slimy shiner in the box. The laborer places the shiner between the two potato chips and bites down.

Dad said you could see imediately by the look on his face that he realized this is not something he wanted to do. At this point...any other guy would have just spit it out and taken the good natured teasing from the other men and that would have been the end of it. But not this guy. He sees all the other guys along with my Dad watching him.....He's committed himself now and realizes he cant loose face and has to actually chew and swallow.

My Dad said the more he chewed the more you could tell he was going to loose it. Sure enough....the guy jumps up.....runs off to the nearest bushes and begins gagging up the shiner and chips....coughing and spitting.

The other guys sitting around all start laughing and shaking their heads at the laborers stupidity. Knowing full good and well if the guy wasn't such a know-it-all butt kisser, that he would never have gotten himself into that spot to begin with.

The rest of that day...the story of what had happened at lunch with the shiner spread all over the job site....Later that day after work.....

One of the guys asked my Dad...." Hey John, You catch anything with those shiners"?

My Dad not missing a beat says "Yeah I caught a laborer...But I had to throw him back".

Fried Chicken Salvation

Being someone who's grown up in a family of primarily Southern Baptists and a few scattered Nazarines.....I am no stranger to the inside of a church. However having said that, I will also tell you that I'm not one of their best customers either.

This is not to say that I don't have faith. Or that I don't believe in worship or in god. I do. I'm just not really good about getting in there on Sundays to hear the sermon.

I cant say that in my family I'm alone in this bad behavior. But I will say that the upper branches of our family tree frown down heavily on all those who choose to practice this as a rule.

This brings me to Great Uncle Mack. Uncle Mack is what could only be thought of as a sport model. The man has personality to burn. And from the whispers I've heard on occasion around our family reunions, a pretty colorful past back in the day.

Uncle Mack would be someone that the Great Aunts and the Grandmothers felt needed to be in church on a daily basis, for the rest of his days on this earth, just to make up for his misspent youth. Although they would never come right out and say that. In our family its one thing to look disapprovingly at ones relatives because of past indiscretions, its another to talk about it openly and call attention to them.

Its not that Uncle Mack didn't go to church and attend services. He did. But Uncle Mack was selective about his attendance. It usually coincided with a church social or some sort of covered dish dinner being held after church was over. Uncle Mack used to say, that was one time you could have six deserts on your plate and nobody thought any less of you for having them. As a matter of fact it was sort of an insult to those fine ladies of the church if you didn't at least sample all the baked goods on the table.

My Great Grandmother was always beside herself over Great Uncle Macks hit and miss attendance at services on Sunday. It didn't help matters at all to know that on the days he wasn't at church he was probably out at one of the family ponds trying to drown a worm. Fishing on Sunday is a BIG NO NO....

Once during one of our many family encounters, I heard my Great Grandmother start once again on the subject of Uncle Macks salvation. She proceeded to tell Uncle Mack he wasn't getting any younger and one of these days, probably sooner than later, he would be standing in front of his maker. Then what excuse would he have for not taking hold of salvation?

Uncle Mack said he wasn't opposed to salvation and he'd get around to it directly. But we knew that the only thing that got him in the front door on Sunday mornings were the get togethers and the food.

I once asked Uncle Mack while we were eating dinner at one of our family reunions.....We were both outside under the big oak tree munching on a Southern Baptist staple, fried chicken.

I said "Uncle Mack are you ever going to give in and just do what they want you to do"?

He said "Well girl....Its like this.....The way I see it.....I'm just one fried chicken dinner away from it now".

The Crossroads

What would you do to get your hearts desire? I don't mean just your wants or simple cravings. I mean the thing you desire more than anything else in the world. The thing that you see as priceless to you.

I know I have on occasion asked myself that question. I think everyone has at one time said "I would give anything if only"....

There is a story in the south about blues guitarist Robert Johnson. The legend says that Johnson traded his soul to the devil at the crossroads of US Highway 61 and US Highway 49 in Clarksdale, Mississippi in exchange for the gift of being able to become a famous blues guitar player.

The legend says that if you go to the crossroads a little before midnight and begin to play the guitar, a large black man would come to you and retune your guitar and hand it back to you. At this point you are supposed to have traded your soul in exchange for your new musical abilities.

I dont think that I would go as far as to deal with the devil to acquire my hearts desire. But maybe that's because of the way I was raised...I am in the bible belt..Hip deep in Southern Baptist values. I was taught there is nothing in this world that is worth sacrificing your soul for. When your a little kid, fear of damnation is some pretty big stuff.

Or maybe there is nothing in this world that I have ever wanted badly enough to risk hell fire and brimstone for.

What about you? Is there something that you want so badly? Something you cant stop thinking about..that you want... you need.... you have to have... That one thing you would do anything for. And if so..How far do you go?

A lot of people compromise their principles on a daily basis for the simplest wants....What about the really big ones?

The devil comes in many forms children....

Feeling Sentimental

Yes I admit it I'm sort of sentimental about my blog. Go figure... I never saw that one coming either.

Its been 14 months since Adrian got me interested in blogging. It started out sort of on a whim...With the blogs title and even my profile being sort of an inside joke between friends... But over time, I guess it sort of feels like home to me. If that makes any sense at all.

I have also had the chance to meet some really great people who have become my blog friends and family. They have changed how I view the world. I used to think of it as a pretty big place. Now I realize that the world and its people are a lot more like me than I ever imagined.

I don't get to tell all of them often enough how much I've enjoyed reading their blogs or even how much I have enjoyed getting to know them on a personal level. (I know I'm terrible about email sometimes) But I have and I do. So to you the bloggers who make me laugh and smile...

To my Jenn with "two N's...
I'm sorry to hear the home computer has gone to cyber heaven. I know you have been busy with camp and concerts and of course that sweetie pie second grader of yours...But thanks so much for the emails. I love catching up. But I miss your posts too...So come back ok.
P.S wow second grade..You are going to have to beat those little girls off with a stick MOM...lol

To Hullabelly.... I am so happy to see you are not only feeling good inside..But outside too...Congratulations on the new place. I wish I could bring you the traditional Oreo's and Milk house warming gift. But I'm with you in spirit if that helps. I'm glad your back posting.

To Dreadcow...I have always enjoyed our talks and emails...You never stop surprising me. lol Thanks for all the great advise and common sense talk. I can always count on you to be straight with me no matter what. I love that about you. Thanks for letting me be a part of things with you too..It means a lot to me. Hang in there you are in the short rows now..And in a few short weeks Dorothy, you will be back in Kansas.....Now go forth and POST!
PS I love your Mom too..She's great!

To Rocket...I sure didn't see you coming. But It was a nice surprise. I know you have a long road ahead of you right now. But remember..Those first steps out the door aren't moving you further from home...They are the first steps to coming back to it. I know your going to find the answer your looking for. But Ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Goodluck with T Lee. I hope its the happy ending you wanted. Hugs and kisses to Miss Zoe. And thank you for all you've done for me.

To Stephan...You have been a good friend. Your kindness and patience has meant a lot to me. Thank you so much. I'm glad I have been able to catch up with you lately online..You always get what Im thinking...it must be that brother from another mother thing...lol. I'm glad your feeling better too! You need to post! I want to see the new pictures and you better take some on the island this weekend. :)

To Adrian....I'm glad your back blogging. I'm happy you love the job and the new flat. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world on the new start. Edinburgh sounds like a nice place to be and they are lucky to have you. In case I forgot to say it..Thanks for everything over the past year...And thanks for my blog.

Exmi..I love reading your blog.. Who knew you were a man of so many talents and interests. You gotta love a guy who can bake like that...mannnnnn.
PS : Fencing to a fish is just another way of saying fillay : )

Jef.... Thanks for reading faithfully. Your little girl is so cute. Good job Daddy!

Yea I know this post was mushy and sentimental and probably meant nothing to anyone but me...But its my blog..And I'm proud to say these are some of my blog buddies.

The Time To Stop Digging

The key to digging a hole for yourself is this...Know when to stop digging. When you hit rock bottom..That's the time to stop.

I have dug many a hole for myself in my almost 20 years of life. I sometimes wonder if this is a bad sign. Lets face it...I'm not that old so most of those holes were probably done in my teen years. Which means for the last 5 to 8 years or so.....I have been one busy hole digging individual.

Some might point out that this is a clear indication that I'm not playing with all the cards in my deck. I unfortunately cant dispute this as a possibility. I have had similar thoughts of my own. I sometimes feel like I'm probably my own worst enemy. I know I'm my own worst critic.

I wonder at times why I have gotten to this point in my life where these melt downs occur. I try and reflect and analyze the events of my life to see exactly where I turned onto this road that has lead me to this place. While I see a lot of small clues in answer to this question. There doesn't seem to be any one point in which I have that "Ahhhhhhh" moment of saying "OK there it is".

If you've ever watched a bug caught in a spiders web before, then you may have an idea of the way I feel sometimes. Its as if the bug, going on with his normal buggy little life, isn't looking where he's going and BAM! He runs head first into the web. At first the said bug is sort of stunned. He has that "Hmmm how did I get here" sort of look. Then he realizes, well I don't think I care for this. I think Ill move along. But the more the bug moves.....The more he twists and turns and tries to escape the more entangled he becomes. Eventually he tires and gives up. Resigned to be wrapped up and lost.

I think sometimes I've let myself do that. I struggle so hard with things....I worry.....I over think...Until I exhaust myself. By then the things I struggled against seem so big and so overwhelming, that I sort of just give up. Resigned to the idea that this is where I'm stuck.

Maybe its time to stop struggling. To relax. Not that I want to be caught in this web I've gotten myself into. But the struggling isn't getting me anywhere. So maybe its time for a new plan.

I just have one problem I cant seem to get out of my head....Where is that spider?

Moment To Moment

Life can change in a split second. The things you thought you could count on forever can sometimes disapear in an instant.

Maybe it should be important to live in the moment. Not to keep looking over your shoulder at the regrets of the past or dwell to deeply on the day dreams of the future. But just enjoy what time you have as it happens.

Because one day it may just be gone.


I wish you had at least said goodbye.