When I Was Invisible

I remember when I was invisible. Nooo, I don't mean the kind where you close you're eyes and if..You cant see me.. I cant see you. Although, I did think I could do that when I was a very small child or so I'm told. I mean the kind of invisible that happens sometimes when you're not quite grown up yet, but not a child anymore either. When you're not too tall or not too short, not to fat or not to thin. You do ok with grades and sports but just ok..Not star material. It was during this time I could just blend in and observe.

Part of me enjoyed this feeling of being anonymous. But part of me will admit there were times when I wanted to be more like other girls who were getting more attention. I don't think it was an issue of popularity. I went to a very small school...It was Kindergarten through 12th grade all in one school. So every one knows everyone else. I think at that age you want to be noticed by the opposite sex...But at that point in my life I was just one of the guys. Looking back on that..I think if I knew then what I know now, I would have stayed there.

Then I suppose around 8th/9th grades I started growing up...As everyone does. Of course we all do this at different rates some earlier and some later..But I remember very clearly how it felt to go from invisible to very visible. I wont lie to you...It was nice having the opposite sex pay attention to you...At least at first. The problem is....What I didn't see before..... and never was involved in...There are politics to growing up. Its a pecking order. Because while the opposite sex might pay more attention to you...So do your female counter parts. And trust me, they aren't as thrilled that your getting all this new found attention as you are...I was moving into uncharted territory, so I didn't realize there wasn't a spot at the table for everyone. I was just to amazed at the idea of how I was one person at the end of one school year and by the next year everyone thought I was someone else. That idea still baffles me.

Even today, I find that my friends or family or even more so people who don't really know me see me as one way and inside I still feel like that same kid who was invisible. I would be lying if I said that I still don't like attention occasionally. Truthfully if its positive attention..Who doesn't like that??? But there are times when I still would rather just stand in the back of the crowd and just blend in..and observe....Just become invisible...