Friday, April 21, 2006

Hey Nice Guy...Step Away From The Spork

It seems somehow its become a bad thing to refer to a guy as a "nice guy". I realized my mistake when speaking to one of my friends online. A friend who I truly do think is great by the way...As a "good guy". And dear lord help me, but then I made things worse when I further stated that he was a "sweetheart".

It was then I got the gut wrenching reply "NOOOOAA don't say I'm a nice guy". There was also something said that it was not good being a sweetheart either...And then there was talk of cutting that sweetheart goodness out with a rusty spork.

This verbal drama was not lost on me...I thought I was paying him a compliment...When did being a good guy become bad? In a world filled with players, jerks and all around dick heads...I don't see nice as bad thing. But apparently I did the equivalent of spitting on this his manhood. For that I apologize, I had no idea.

I had thought that maybe this was just an isolated incident...And that maybe this friend was just a little more Jaded that other guys...But this is not so...When mentioning this response to another guy...He not only confirmed that being called a Nice Guy was a bad thing...But also referred to the dread that's experienced from hearing those words come from any girl.

I have to blame the dreaded Bunny Boiler for this response. It seems that most good guys don't mind being the good guy until the meet up with their first Bunny Boiler. She does what a Bunny Boiler does best...Lures the nice guy to her...Then proceeds to make him believe she is just a normal girl...And not only that, but a good girl too. Once she has him in love and pretty much willing to throw himself under a bus for her. She tortures him relentlessly with subtle mind games until she either breaks him or gets bored and moves on to her next challenge. This leaves what's left of the Nice Guy bruised, battered and sporting a less that good attitude where women are concerned.

So that even when the next girl does come along...Even if she happens to be a real good girl...Nice guy no longer trusts his judgment and is automatically on the defensive...Or either unwilling to let anyone get close enough to do any damage again.

I would put the Bunny Boilers of the world on notice. But the sad truth of the matter is that it wouldn't mean a thing coming from me..Bunny Boilers see girls like me as just a simple speed bump. Something that could slow them down but not stop them from their goal of what ever guy they have their sights set on. I am just the friend watching the train wreck occur. Then attempting to help patch up the damage in the aftermath.

I suppose no one is immune to being taken advantage of when the heart is involved. It just seems sad you have to assume guilt with someone until proven innocent, to keep from being played. Its also really sad that its become a bad thing to be a "Nice Guy".

3 comments:

DS Irvin said...

When love is still a game, the last thing you want to be, as a guy, is 'nice.'

But when the little game ends, I've found nice to be much more rewarding.

Living in Jersey, there is also a hidden meaning calling someone a nice guy. It can be taken as an ethnic insult to an Italian implying the person is in the mob. "What are you, some kind of nice guy?"

Cheers

Jen said...

illimitable voices
Well my nice guys arent affiliated with Jersey or the mob..So we can cross that one off the list.

But I was told today after one of them read this post. That most women arent attracted to Nice Guys...they want a bad boy.

I think you can have both all in one...but maybe its my definition of what a Nice Guy is thats the problem.

Because there is nothing more attractive than a guy who knows how to treat a girl with respect and kindness and still is strong and self assured. If he can make me laugh...Im hooked : )

Reckless said...

Jen, you're the first girl I've met who can size it up like that. I feel like I'm falling in love. *laugh* As for the "Nice Guy" thing. I can help you there. Most guys don't really know why it bothers them, only that it does bother them. The reason is this. (I'm not a chauvenist. Scout's honor) It is important that a man be dangerous. This doesn't mean that he run around bullying people, picking fights, and battering women. It means that he be able to defend himself and that he be a threat to those who would do harm to him or those he loves. Sadly, our society frowns on this aspect of masculinity. The result is we've a bunch of "Nice Guys" running around and wondering why they feel so weak and insecure. It took me several years to realize this and when I finally did, it was very liberating. I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way.

As for Bunny Boilers. I've written my fair share on that subject. Was almost plunged into mysogeny by a couple of Bunny Boilers myself. Thank God for girls like you Jen. Keep the faith. *grin* Your work is not in vain. I laughed as I read your post because one of my hobbies is destroying Bunny Boilers. Ciao for now. I'll be back. *smile*