I also remember on the vast number of occasions that my mom was up on her soap box giving what seemed to be another of her infinite lectures and advise as to what I needed to be doing or about my responsibilities in this world...She used to cap it off by saying: "Enjoy this time while you can...because when you get to be an adult everything changes". Well honestly at the time, I would have given my right arm to be an adult just so I could make her stop lecturing me.
But guess what? Here I am at 20 years old...Old enough in some peoples eyes to be seen as an adult. So do you want to know what I have discovered? Being an adult is a BITCH!
Yes that's right...it sucks. Maybe not all the time...but lets face it nothing sucks all the time. And those lectures I thought I wouldn't get any more once I hit this magical age. Well I still get them.....and do you know why? Because apparently there is this catch 22 that says once your someones kid you are someones kid for life. So they always worry about you and want whats best for you and give you their opinions about pretty much everything you do. So it doesn't matter how old you are...if they think you are screwing up they will tell you about it.
The thing is...lately I have been under the gun here at home. Because my family...(re: MOM) isn't happy with my choices, lack of ambition or motivation. This topic of discussion about my life and future has pretty much dominated my waking hours in my household for the past several weeks. While I will tell you very honestly that I have been hating life at my house...not at all to thrilled with my family to put it nicely....And right now I would rather take a beating than to admit this to my mom....she has a point.
I have been treading water. I have been procrastinating. Although this is not new behavior for me...I am a gifted procrastinator....I used to be their club president and if you look in the dictionary under procrastination I believe you will see my photo. I am the poster child for it.
Yet...I have to ask myself why am I doing this? I realize that I am..even if I don't choose to admit it to my critics at this moment. No one wants an I told you so. But I have had to think hard about why. The answer I came up with is fear. Fear of failing...fear of moving forward...fear of being disappointed or of rejection. Fear of a lot of things. But the bottom line is...my choices...or should I say lack of choices has been based on fear. Not something I'm really proud to have to admit...or even say out loud.
I have also come to realize part of being the adult isn't always getting to do the things you want to do. I have observed two parents while growing up. One did pretty much whatever they wanted to do. If there was a choice to be made...they picked the thing that made them happy over pretty much all else. The other...rarely if ever picked the thing they wanted to do....They tried to do the responsible thing. They tried to put their priorities where they felt they needed to be whether that met their wants and needs or not.
Neither of these parents lived the dream...I dont see the parent who picked their desires over their obligations or priorites any happier than the one who sacraficed for theirs. However I do respect one more than the other and if I had to call one for help...I know with out a doubt which one it would be.
But is this all there is? Just obligations and responsibilities and prioritising life?
PS : To the person who's been there for me no matter what. I owe you an apology. I involved you into the drama that is my life of late...and then got offended because you spoke your mind.
I felt at the time that you were being unfair in what you said to me...selfish even. That you were knowingly going to make things worse by speaking out. And that you're loyalty should have been with me and making things easier for me.
But the truth is...maybe it was me who was the selfish one. I provided you with the information....I asked you the question point blank and then I got angry when you were not only just being you..but being honest as well. That was unfair and wrong. I suppose if I don't want to know the answers to my questions..then I need to not ask them.
10 comments:
Being an adult sucks. It's the responsibility like you said. Nothing is better than when you don't have responsibilities. Trouble is, taking a leap and taking on a challenge - like getting on with your life - makes life worth living.
~Jef
Excellent post Jen.
Yes it is difficult being an adult--particularly at your age when it seems you have the pressures of adulthood without the equivalent rewards.
However, who would want to remain a child for the rest of their lives?
There comes a point when we have to make our own decisions and our parents have to accept that we our the masters of our future.
richie
I agree..I suppose I let the pressures of whats expected of me by those I care about and respect get the best of me.
In all fairness..I also know that if I am honest with myself I know that Im not holding up my end. I am treading water.
Its difficult to sell your side of an agrument when you know you are at least partly in the wrong.
It's not being an "adult" that sucks. It's being a grown up. There are a horribly large number of adult children running around today.
Sounds like you are growing up. It does get better. (Or so I have heard, there are those who doubt that I have actually gone through the process:))
I used to warn people who came to me for advice or an opinion not to ask unless they REALLY wanted to know my opinion. It was surprising how many then decided not to ask me.
Oh yeah, what's with the new pic?
edge
Please tell your wife thank you for her kind words. She actually made me feel better too.
exmi
Thanks for the different perspective on things. I had never considered the difference between being a grown up and being an adult. But if it doesnt get better...YOU WILL HEAR FROM ME AGAIN! : )
As for the advise....You are right...I asked the question and then felt hurt by the answer. I reacted before I thought it out. I regret my actions and my words.
Unfortunatly once things are said..its difficult to take it back again.
As for the pic...I suppose Im just in a rebelious phase.... thats just my outer good girl at war with my inner wild child : )
"Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown
And accept it that soon
You'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you
Is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin'
Or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
. Times they are changing."
John-Jack Bouchet Goodman
Come mothers and fathers
Throughout the land
And don't criticize
What you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters
Are beyond your command
Your old road is
Rapidly agin'
Please get out of the new one
If you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.
The line it is drawn
The curse it is cast
The slow one now
Will later be fast
As the present now
Will later be past
The order is
Rapidly fadin'
And the first one now
Will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.
: )
"YOU WILL HEAR FROM ME AGAIN!"
Does this mean that if you decide not to be a grown up you come run away with an old bald guy??? (Remember, I can cook....)
This might deserve a "WOOT" as the younger folks say...
:)
exmi
Thank you for this comment..It made me smile.
I didnt realize deciding not to growing up was an option I had? Huh..maybe I need to rethink all this again...lol
Hate to tell you though...I dont WOOT...I realize Im probably being a real dork right now admitting that..But WOOTING has never been my thing. Im more of YEAH BUDDY..kind of girl lol
As for running away from home..I had never considered that either..I was just thinking of making you listen to me vent. But now that you are also offering baked goods...Hmmmmmmm : )
"Woot" is not part of my normal vocabulary either but there come times when it seem appropriate.
and venting to me is fine too, but remember, don't ask my opinion unless you really want to hear it.....:)
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