The key to understanding how to dig a hole for yourself is knowing when to stop digging. When you hit rock bottom..that's when its time to stop. I think that's pretty good advise. I however have never been one to take good advise. I am stubborn.
Being stubborn isn't my only problem at this moment...toss in a little apathy...a dash of procrastination....apply extreme pressure and you have successfully created one bad attitude. And not that I'm trying to brag here...But this is really the finest bad attitude I have ever managed to create and sustain for this long of a period of time. You always know when you have really achieved optimum success with your bad attitude...because you aren't just making yourself miserable any longer you are also managing to make others around you unhappy as well. So as far as bad behavior goes this will probably be a crowning achievement in my somewhat inexperienced life time.
There was a time not so long ago that I would have looked around and blamed everyone else for my situation. When you are a kid...its always the other guys fault. But I'm too old to be able to play that card anymore.
So I have decided to make my bad attitude work for me. I'm sick of being pushed...I am too stubborn to quit....even if others have given up on me. I am going to succeed and do it my way, if only to prove to everyone who's been riding me that I can. Yes...this will still accomplish some of the same goals. But in doing it my way will have the added bonus of pissing them off at the same time.
Is this childish thinking on my part? Yes probably....but did I mention I'm working with a bad attitude here?
5 comments:
Jen we have been friends along time. You are one of the most laid back, kindest people I have ever known. You have never ever hurt anyone on purpose.
I think your family and real friends who really know you, know that too. So cut yourself a break..
You didnt lie, cheat, or steal...You didnt kill anyone! Youre a good person but even good people sometimes get angry and say things they wish they didnt.
You apologised to everyone and now you need to let it go..Your family and real friends will understand and those who dont..youre better off without anyway.
PS I love your blog : )
There s always a way to resolve problems no matter how deep in the pool you are. Is guess that the secret is not to surrender and to struggle even I you are born in a Pigpen in the middle of the mud.
Anonymous #1
Thank you for the kind words. You are a good friend. : )
Anonymous #2
Somethings you cant change. And no matter how much you might wish you could..You dont have the power to do so. These are the things you have to just try and accept. No matter how hard that might be.
But I agree..you cant give up on trying to live your life. I just need to regroup..re focus and start again. No matter how hard that is.
I still think youre amazing!
Theres absolutely nothing wrong with you or anything you do- youre just at a difficult stage of your life right now, where key decisions need to be made.
These decisions should not be made impulsively, as they will have a HUGE impact on the rest of your life.
YOU JUST NEED TIME
Adrian
I hope that youre right. I feel like sometimes I just finish one mistake just so I can move on and make another. Especially lately.
Thank you for all the things you said. They mean a lot to me.
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