Since I wrote my first blog about finding a "Chivalrous Man," I have gotten a lot of comments and opinions on why there are so few "good guys" out there. And this has brought other questions to my mind.
For example:
I have had only two what I would call serious relationships in my life. Not that much I know, but considering my age, I think about average. Neither of these turned out to be healthy. More a long the lines of a train wreck. So......... NOW I have to ask myself some pretty tough questions. I have to see how much responsibility I have to take upon myself for the way things turned out. It's easy to say this was a "bad guy" and then blame his mother, or his ex girlfriends, or society and pop culture for the lack of respect he showed me and other women. But, its one thing to have someone treat you badly, its another thing to take it........And keep coming back for more.
I think maybe we have to stop blaming our crappy relationships on the men or women we choose....Because lets face it we picked them. Not only did we pick them but when the red flags popped up......And be honest here.....YOU know they did......We stayed.....And probably not just once but twice or more.
Someone once told me that you can fall in love with a lot of different people in your life time. But just because they get in your heart doesn't mean they are a fit for your life. The same person told me that you can't change a cat into a dog and if your a dog lover........ Getting a cat wont make you happy. Now I think that's a round about way of saying that we should have a clear cut idea in our mind of what kind of life we want and what kind of person would compliment that life. If we meet someone who's looking like "Mr Right"but he's going in another direction that where we wanted to go, we need to have the good sense to walk away, instead of hoping we can turn the cat into a dog. People are what they are, we shouldn't be trying to change them to fit our needs. They either fit or they don't...... We need to stop trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
So maybe its time to do some soul searching and figure out where I need to be....Even if that turns out to be an ocean away.
5 comments:
What an insightful post.
If you crossed the ocean, would it be the Atlantic by any chance? If it is,I hear Cape Town is pretty good this time of year. Well, all year actually. : )
Adrian..If I cross the Atlantic...Cape Town is exactly where I'm headed...It looks definitely worth seeing.
My home is your home. : )
Dreadcow...Thank you for the comments..I like hearing what you think....Some of what you said I agree with completely....I feel like life is a learning experience and the mistakes are there just for that purpose and if we are smart and lucky we learn and dont repeat them..However I do think that if more people took the time to think about what they want for themselves...the way they want to be treated..the kind of life they want to have...they would be way a head of the game...People are in to big of a hurry to fall in love..It's an add water and instant relationship thing....they think love is overnight.....I do not believe in "Love at First Sight" I think thats called lust..and if you're lucky maybe love follows...but if you give it enough time..you will be able to tell pretty soon which way its going to go...Unfortunatly most people dive right in and give their hearts and bodies..they leap before they have had time to look...Time is the key..the more you take..if its real....it only gets better and grows...if its not..its like the last of the fireworks...its sparkles briefly and then fades.... But I do not think being a "Nice Guy" equates with being a doormat..
Dreadcow.....Ok maybe alot of nice guys do wind up doormats...But the point is they dont have to be..I realize there are alot of women out there who fully take advantage of someone being a "nice guy"...But I also fully believe that while most women want a strong guy...that doesnt mean ass...and for some reason its never occured to anyone to be strong and still keep your sense of fairness and your sense of values...One thing doesnt or shouldnt cancel out the other...I do want a guy who treats me fairly..Do I want him to value my thoughts and opinions yes..Does he have to agree with everything I think...I hope not...And If I were the type to try and bend his mind with some sort of game.....I would hope he would in no uncertain terms kick me to the curb...NOBODY..male or female should have to put up with that.....And thats the point...there are men and women out there doing that stuff to each other....and It makes it hard on the few who are trying to actually do the right thing...NOBODY wants to let their gaurd down long enough to give someone a fair shot...I guess its hard to tell the good guys or girls from the bad ones anymore.
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