Friday, June 08, 2012

How Did I Get Here?

I ran away from home for the first and well the only time (so far) when I was 25. I don't mean I moved out from under my parents roof. I had already done that two years before for college. No, I mean I put what few things I could grab in a bag and with very little thought and NO planning once so ever I got in my car and left...the city...the family..all behind.

If you know anything about me at all from past posts, then you know I'm an over thinker. I'm a planner, with lists and semi organizational tendencies. I do on occasion have spurts of spontaneity. But those are usually more well constructed and planned out. This was not. Because I was genuinely and literally running away.

I'm not quite ready to tell you from what yet...I will get to that eventually. But I will say that when I left it was not a moment I'm proud of. I left to be quite honest with the idea of getting far enough away and then hurting myself. Again, not a moment or a thought I'm proud of. But all I can say is that we all fall down sometimes...fortunately most of the time we can and do stand up again and keep on moving forward with our lives. But at that moment in my life and sadly even a few others that came after that, I didn't want to get up and just brush myself off...I didn't feel like I could. I didn't want to live in this skin any more, because I felt repulsive and repugnant to myself.

Obviously since I'm not blogging from beyond the grave the above didn't happen. Not that I can take credit for the change in my direction. That came from a friend, who as it also turns out I met right here on this blog about 8 years ago. So I guess in a sort of weird way this blog that I have always claimed was much cheaper than professional therapy, did more than allow me to vent my frustrations and save my sanity... It also gave me a friend who saved me from a stupidity that there was no coming back from.

And that's how a this twangy southern girl wound up in Oregon.


exMI said...

Trust me I know that "Well that's it, time to quit" feeling. I got over it too.
Oregon is a nice place. I have a brother out there whose wife keeps suggesting I move out.
Keep in touch.

Jen said...


You really should go out and at least see the place. I'm a born and bred southern the mountain roads and the winter while mild was an experience. But the area, the mountains, the lakes and rivers are beautiful. You really just have to see it to understand. The people seem very kind and friendly too. Check it out you won't regret it. : )

exMI said...

I have visited before. (about 12 years ago now I think. It is nice. to be honest, if I didn't have a house here in the south I may have migrated long ago.

Driving up the Columbia river gorge was spectacular.

Anonymous said...

I had that feeling twice. Glad I didn't go through with it either. Uggghhh, dark days, but definitely something that can be gotten through. Glad you stuck around.

exMI said...

It has been a year. Time for an update on your life. :)

Jean-Jacques Bouchet said...

Hi. Remember me? I am John-Jack. I´m a planner as well. You think that taking your bag, your car and going out wildly with no plan is a solution. I hope that I didn´t gave you the idea because I might have mentioned that as a comment of one of your previous posts. Anyway, I kept reading your blog from time to time. I found it interesting. There where a couple of blogs I used to follow in those days. There where a few people I followed.

Jean-Jacques Bouchet said...

This is my new blog.
It is in spanish