I blame Fairy Tales...Everyone of them tell us we are supposed to be either looking for Distressed Damsels or Frogs to change into our Ideal Prince. What's the deal? So the person we pick should either be in need of saving or someone who we need to change to fit our needs???...WOAH NOW! What about actually looking for a woman who's healthy? Now there's a concept. Pick someone who is EXACTLY what we want straight out of the box? No modification or fixer-upper issues at all? NOOOOO say its not so! Then what will we do with our free time? When we no longer have to slay someone else's dragons or change some poor frog into the perfect Mr Right?
I say let the Damsel get her butt down out of the tower all on her own..It will be good for her. A learning experience. And leave the poor frog alone. There's nothing wrong with frogs. If a frog isn't what you want then stop kissing him! Leave him to another girl frog who will be happy that he's exactly what she's been looking for. Her Mr Right, warts and all.
If you're saying "But...But...I love him/her" Ask yourself this, do you really love them or do you love being the hero to them? Do you like the idea that you might be saving them from what ever it is they are now? If you think your doing them a favor your not. If its a distressed Damsel and you keep fixing things for her then she's going to expect you to do that all the time. And unless that's just your thing being the "repair man" this situation will get old eventually. Not only will you get tired of it, but when you do, she's going to be thinking why have you changed? Your not the same prince you were when we met.
Ladies..Did it ever occur to anyone that the frog doesn't know he's a frog, at least in your eyes? He's probably under the impression he's just a normal nice guy and perfectly happy in his corner of the pond...It's YOU'RE perception of him that's in error, not his. When you start trying to change someone, one of two things are going to happen...Either they are going to get fed up with you trying to change them. Even a mouse will eventually stand up to you. Or they are going to let you change them and then your not going to be happy with that, because they are no longer a challenge. Happily Ever After should not be a science project..
16 comments:
I lurve you JUST as you are... : )
Adrian..Poor Poor Blind Boy...Lurve you too... : )
Stumbled on this Blog - looks decent - will check it out for awhile - hope all is well Jen.
http://rawski.blogspot.com/
i like it, that was very good...i agree with that view completely, it makes complete sense....check out my blog (well mine and friends)
http://www.alhq.blogspot.com
Steven Rawski...Thanks for the comments..I really appreciate them.. I will go take a look at yours too..
timmy G...Thanks...Im glad you understand it..Wish a few of my friends did...LOL
PS..Im going to check out your blog..
JEN: See? He's not just good at kicking moles, destroying feather boas and seatbelts, he is a thinker too. : )
Stu-man...First of all WOW..thats the biggest comment you have ever left me and all in english too..Im honored..lol
But to get to the comments at hand...You are right woman do have a maternal needs..and I do think at times this need turns into the desire to be the "fixer"..But this is not so much different than a mans desire to be the hero...and come to the rescue. Because lets face it thats what we are taught...you protect your women...and women you take care of your man...I do however think that sometimes the people we pick, we choose because we like the feeling of mending or saving them..and in the end this isnt going to make a lasting relatinship.
And I say your WRONG about not wanting someone for who they are two years in to the relationship...and I say this with love..."BUT DEAD ASS WRONG" I can only and will only speak for myself here...But I do not expect perfection from a man..NOR do I want it, that would be brain numbingly boring...I do believe tho that out there somewhere.. there is a person whos flaws I can live with, who gets who I am, who I can respect for their thinking and values. Somebody that will make me laugh and will want the same things as I want..How can you be bored when you have found the one person who you want to take the ride of your life with? And as far as the late thing goes...I never get mad or upset with a guy for being late...not one month in or one year in....Tardiness isnt a big deal to me...however if hes late because hes buffing the floor with some hooch..yea that would piss me off..But hopefully when I pick a guy I will pick one that Is honest and I trust....because truthfully thats the main thing I care about can I trust him.
Ohh and as far as your best mate..I just think you should know....Hy laat my hart smelt verskriklik
dreadcow..Thank you. : )
Adrian.....Deny, Deny, Deny. LOL
Thanks Stu. : )
Jen, I'm going to print this out. I have a few friends who need to read this. I hope you don't mind!
Adrian..lief vir jou
Stu...Glad your proud of him...he deserves it..trust me.
illimitable voices...sure go for it, dont mind a bit. : )
JEN: Ek is MAL verlief oor jou...
I agree with your post Jen.
Very well written.
Are all changes harmful though?
Here are some toughies:
Is it bad if a partner asks their other half to exercise, or eat more healthily, or to quit smoking, knowing that the lack (or excess) of some of the activities is detrimental to their longevity and health?
Is it bad if a partner asks their other half to not take a promotion because it would place strain on the relationship? What if a partner encouraged the other to work to earn more money?
And where would the line between "changing" someone and "accomodating" the needs of our partner lie?
Don't burn too many brain cells on that lot Jen.
;op LOL
ryan
There is a difference between trying to change who someone is and trying to make decisions about normal everyday issues.
If you meet someone and you they are a party person for example...and then you enter the relationship..and get mad because now they still want to be that party person..well why?
You met them thats who they were..thats how you met them.. If you had taken the time to really get to know them you would have realized that this is the person they were..and YET...You think you can change them into fitting your needs and wants.
You should instead pick someone who has the same value system...the same goals and similar lifestyle. Who you dont have to try and change because they are already on the same page you are.
Things like trying to be healthier..or jobs...those things are day to day things...like do we rent or buy. Do we take a trip or save our money. These are normal healthy things that each couple does and deals with. These are not core changes of a person and who they are.
If you want to be a homebody..and go to the kids soccer games..and cook meals together..then pick someone who wants to live like that too....see what I mean?
The more time you take when you meet someone to get to know who they are..the better you can see if they fit your life. You can fall in love with a lot of people during the course of your life. But that doesnt mean they are right for your life.
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