Choose Wisely

As a country we are currently hip deep in the pre-election campaign of "he said, she saids". We as voters are individually challenged to sort the fact from the fiction and determine who is best suited to run our country for the next 4 years.

Right now, I find myself getting annoyed with the respective candidates speeches and the negative spins associated with them. And after a while it all starts to sound like white noise. But when it gets too much, I have to remind myself why we vote to begin with and why we currently have the system we have. Because despite all of its imperfections, we still find ourselves living in one of the best countries in the world. And during those times when I forget this fact or take it for granted... all I have to do is talk to a few of my friends who live in other parts of the world to remind me of just how lucky I am to be where I am.

For example, if you were living in South Africa right now...your power company ESKOM would be telling you that they are no longer able to cater for your power needs, nor the needs of the rest of the current population. To make matters worse, ESKOM would then refuse to take responsiblity for this problem- despite being the sole energy supplier for the entire Republic of South Africa. Rather, they will suggest that there wouldnt be an issue to begin with, if people were more conservative with their power usage....and then try to spin the idea that the "booming" South African economy is somehow to be blamed (despite ESKOM cutting power to the goldmines and undermining the very same economy they refer to).

Unfortunately... ESKOM forgets that it was told in 1997 that South Africa was headed for this very serious problem. Not only that..but it was also predicted that if things were not corrected by the year 2007 they would be in crisis. And guess what? It seems that the predictions were correct... because as things stand right now, the people of South Africa are experiencing something called "rolling blackouts". This means that at pretty much any given time during the day their power will be shut off for up to three hours at at a time... and theres not a thing they can do about it

So I naturally have to wonder what the American response would be if they were told the very same thing? Can you even imagine a power company for one of our States telling us we would have to do without power for up to three hours a day, every day? This would pretty much mean no traffic lights. No power for hospitals. No power for schools. No power for grocery stores... and of course plenty of opportunity for crime.

Which brings me to my next point. As a nation we are not without crime, but over all this country is still a relatively safe place to live. Especially when compared to South Africa, which is currently averaging about 55 deaths a day. But dont be fooled- these deaths are not due to accident or illness. These are deaths due to violent crimes such as murder, rape, car jacking or robbery. A sum total that equates to around 20,000 fatalities a year. Which, when you consider the size of South Africa and its population... is disturbing to say the least. Its even more so when you realize that in 2006 the deaths due to crime in South Africa and the deaths due to the war in Iraq were almost equal in number.


So yes, we may not like all the candidates before us in this election. I will even admit that as a rule, third party candidates do not fair as well when it actually comes to winning an election. But in this country if you have a strong enough platform on which you campaign, you can be taken seriously as a potential candidate for the highest office in our government. Our history proves this.


But if you lived in South Africa...thats not neccessarily so. Why? Because democracy there is still in its infancy, so the candidate who is the leader of the dominant political group is pretty much guaranteed to be the next in line for the Presidency, with very little political opposition to stand in his way. Sounds good for the dominant political party, but it is actually a very bad thing for everyone else. Because for South Africa, it means that Jacob Zuma who in December 2007 was elected to lead the African National Congress (the former freedom fighting movement and current ruling party in South Africa) will succeed State President Thabo Mbeki, with very little to stand in his way and prevent him from doing so.


For those of you that don't know, this is the very same Jacob Zuma that before even stepping into Office has already been brought up on charges of rape.

This is the very same Jacob Zuma that admitted to having sex with a house guest- but denied raping the alleged victim whom he knew to be HIV postive at the time. This is the very same Jacob Zuma who was the head of the South African AIDS Council at the time of the alleged rape. The same Jacob Zuma that would later admit to having unprotected sex, and then attempt to justify this by claiming the shower he took after intercourse lessened the likelihood of contracting the deadly disease.


I personally had no idea that a hot shower was enough to prevent the spread of Aids. Apparently Mr Zuma knows something about this we don't.


But it gets better. Mr Zuma is a Zulu. And apparently in Zulu culture, leaving a woman sexually arroused is the equivalent to rape. Zuma stated that he knew the young woman in question wanted sex because she came to his house wearing a skirt and then said goodnight wearing nothing but a "kanga" (a traditional south african full length wrap) . He then claimed in court that "he had to" have unprotected sex the alleged victim due to cultural obligations and duties.


Lucky for South Africa, this fantastic political candidate was aquitted of all charges and was free to sing a song called Lethu Mshini Wami (bring me my machine gun) to the crowd outside.... at least until it was announced that he would be and is currently being investigated for the massive US$5.5 billion arms deal corruption scandal.

Hardly ideal Presidential candidate material is it?

Compared to Jacob Zuma some of our candidates (past and present- heres looking at YOU Bill) are probably looking pretty good right now. And at least we have a more realistic and relative choice. In fact we have so many choices that sometimes its hard to know which choice is the right one for our country.


But admittedly, we are not perfect. And no, our system isnt perfect either. But can you look out into the world and find one that works better? Another one that offers you the same freedoms of choice that ours does? That allows you to have the standard of living we have come to take for granted and enjoy? I dont think so.

So YES, the choices we make when we step into that booth do count. They dont just count for us....they have a ripple effect that can be felt in other places in the world.


Your vote, your decision, your choice is important...

SO CHOOSE WISELY.

Feeling Smarter Already

The following was an email I recieved from a friend. It made me laugh and I thought you might enjoy it as well. Im feeling smarter already...how about you?




(On September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.) Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not Live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, Then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, Which is why I would not live forever,'

-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest .

'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids All over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love To be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and Death and stuff.'

--Mariah Carey

'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very Important part of your life.'

-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part Of my body'

-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward .

'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the Lowest crime rates in the country'

--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC .

'I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through Our papers. We are the president.'

-- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of Subpoenaed documents.

'That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death By a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it.'

--A congressional candidate in Texas .

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's The impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'

--Al Gore, Vice President

And

'We are ready for an un foreseen event that May or may not occur.'

-- Al Gore, VP

'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'

--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

'I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix .'

-- Dan Quayle

'We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much Clean air do we need ?'

--Lee Iacocca

'The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A Genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.'

--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

'We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude Certain types of people.'

-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor .

'If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.'

--Bill Clinton, President

'Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come From overseas.'

--Keppel Enderbery 'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that You passed away. May God bless you. You may Reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'

--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack In at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their Heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when They wake up dead, there'll be a record.'

--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Thinking Out loud

I sometimes feel like life is flying by me at zero to sixty and I'm told that the older I get the more it will feel that way. I hope that if I do make it to a ripe old age I will be a lot smarter than I am right now. Logic says Id have to be, wouldn't you think?

Ive been feeling like this square peg of a person trying to fit into a round world. A girl who doesn't want causal sex. A girl who cant fall in love over night but needs a great deal of time to say those words to another person. A girl who wants to see the best in people and continue to believe in them even when they let her down. A girl who takes her time making friends, but those who stick around long enough to become close...she values above everything. .

I used to think these were good qualities...But I don't think many people view them as qualities any more. I think they see them more as weaknesses. A fact that I am constantly being reminded of lately.

I realize I cant worry about what others think. Being true to myself means living my life to my standards and my rules. But no one is an island.... You cant go through life with out interacting with others. And interaction means getting your heart broken at least once or having your faith or trust in others tested.

I am just weary of being tested all the time. I wish things could be straight forward. I wish you didn't have to read between imaginary lines. I wish you didn't always have to be on guard and wonder if someone had a hidden agenda. I wish I could believe in people the way I used to. I wish I could have that feeling I had when I first started coming here to the deep end of the pool. Because it made me feel hopeful like anything was possible. But unfortunately, wishing doesn't make it so and I'm just tired of getting knocked on my butt every time I do.

Ive been swimming in the deep end of the pool for almost three years now. It was a gift that was given to me by someone who was important in my life. And even though a lot has changed since the first time I came here......It still makes me feel better anytime I come here and I write. Even if all it is just me thinking out loud.

Worriers Rejoice

I heard on the news that scientists have discovered a "worry gene". Yes that's right they did an actual study and think they have determined that there could be a gene that may make you a worrier.

They also noted that there isn't any cure for this genetic issue...But that there are things you can do to help promote a more worry free life. (laughing)

I know there are some out there who find the discovery of this gene fascinating. But speaking as a person who is not only an accomplished over thinker, but has also on occasion excelled at worry...I didn't need a scientist to find this gene or to tell me of its existence. I also feel that the knowledge of its existence only gives the real worrier one more thing to worry about. My feelings on this were confirmed even further when I heard the suggestions they gave to help if you should happen to have this gene.

Here's what they suggest...If you find yourself prone to worry...You should do things to take your mind off of it....Yes that's right. That was their advise. Keep busy. Focus on other things to keep you from worry.

Well now geee why didn't I think of that? When you put it scientifically like that it seems so simple. I cant see why I didn't notice it before. Now armed with this helpful information that's one less thing I now have to worry about. So thank you.

I admit I'm curious though....I wonder who it was sitting around the lab one day that said "Hmmmm ...Lets see if we can get ungodly amounts of money and use it for research. We will find the existence of genetic traits that will provide no significant benefit to mankind...ok ya want to" ?

Id also like to know where you have to sign up for this job? Do you have to have some sort of special degree? Do you have to know someone...be someones cousins brother twice removed? I ask this not purely out of simple curiosity. I am after all in college now and its never to late to change my major.

I Promise

When you go to college its not just about the parties you get invited to or the possibility of better employment through higher education. Its also about being exposed to new ideas and new people. So being the compulsive over thinker I am I admit I'm sort of like a kid in a candy store. I'm now in a place where they not only want you to ponder other ideas and philosophies but they encourage it!

I'm not sure they realized what they were getting into when they opened up that door to me..but its too late now...I'm already thinking.

I enjoy the questions about morality and values the most. Because while you may think those issues would be clear cut, they aren't always. A lot of times the perspective or position a person is in when facing those issues determine their level of values or moral thinking. I think by examining these other points of view it has allowed me to look at my own set of values. I have recently had to think about what is my own word of honor worth.

For example....Lets say you give your word to a friend or a romantic interest. You promise to keep their secrets and confidences because at the moment when the promise is made you're very close to that person. At that moment in time, you cant imagine that relationship ever changing. But life isn't that simple...and the fact is..relationships end...people change and sometimes friends let you down. So you have to ask yourself...are the promises you made to this person solely based on the circumstances or the relationship you were in at the time you made them?...Or are they based on your values as an individual and your word of honor as a person?

I'm not going to try and judge this for anyone...I wont say there is an absolute right and wrong here. I can only say for myself I have to know that my word has meaning. It doesn't matter what the actions of others are. I have to be able to look at myself and know that I am honest and trustworthy. Because even if my word doesn't mean anything to anyone else. I want it to mean something to me.

Now before you start thinking I'm trying to sit myself on this noble higher plain. I have to be honest. I don't like being hurt or screwed over any more than the next guy, In fact I'm human and I suppose just like other humans I have my own share of screw you thoughts when it comes to individuals who have hurt me or let me down. But I guess when its all said and done...I have to remind myself that the way I behave or the actions I take reflect on the person I am. Not on the other individual. And its about who I want to be and how I want to feel about myself at the end of the day that counts.

I know that I have to make certain choices for myself. I don't want to be weighted down with hard feelings, bitter thoughts or self pity for things gone wrong. So for those of you who might be worried about the fact I know your secrets..and where the bodies are buried...figuratively speaking of course. Rest at ease. My promises are still good..and your secrets are still safe with me.

"So Its Like That"

Im about to vent a little...so if you dont want to hear it...just step aside...

The dance that men and women do when it comes to dating and sex is as old as time...I know over the years the idea of whats acceptable and unacceptable as far as the dating /sexual pick up line has changed. In my opinion not always for the better.

But I would like to meet the guy who came up with the phrase "So its like that"? Who was this guy? And when did his fellow male peers decide this one was a keeper?

Since Ive been in college Ive been exposed to assorted social events. Inevitably anytime you are out and about where social adult beverages are being consumed you are more than likely subject to the random flirtation or pick up line from the opposite sex. This is to be expected. But Id like to know what brain child decided that the best way to guilt a woman who's probably already declined your most generous invitation of carnal pleasure into changing her mind about having sex was to say to her "So its like that"

"So its like that Jen" ??? Hell yes its like that dumb ass....

Do you really think that I'm afraid to let you know it is indeed "like that"? I have to wonder how many women were of such low self esteem and or socially afraid to let you know that it was "like that" for them as well? Because the thing about lines like these is they wouldn't be used or popular if somewhere some place it wasn't working for them. Speaking as a female...that all in itself is sort of sad when you think about it.

Just for the record...I'm not quite sure what exactly"that" is...Or why it being "like that" is such a bad thing. But if you have nothing better to offer me than some lame attempt to make me feel guilt by using this line on me.....Save yourself the effort and time. Because friends and neighbors..for this girl It most certainly is "like that"...and If and when that changes...The guy in question wont have to ask me if "its like that" to find that out.

The First Two Weeks

I have just completed my first two weeks of college! Yes friends and neighbors that's right..I am matriculating my little southern butt off. And I have to tell you that I LOVE IT!


Yes I know its only been a couple of weeks..But so far I am really enjoying the entire experience. I also think that while a lot of people might not have understood my reluctance to start college right after graduation..I think because I waited I am now really prepared and ready for what comes next. Unlike a few of my new classmates who seem to be dragging into class each day....unprepared and unenthusiastic about being there. I on the other hand have kicked into over achiever mode..and have found myself doing assignments early just to stay ahead of things. If you want me to be honest..there was at time not so long ago that I would have hated the kid like me in class. But what can I say..I'm happy to be there and it shows.

So would you like to know what I have discovered in my first two weeks of higher learning...


First ~

Ladies drink free! Yes I know....I was shocked too!! But apparently this is not only common but something well advertised on college campuses. I myself received at least a dozen flyer's on my very first day. Each one inviting me to club openings and organizations recruiting new members....all emphasizing the fact that ladies drink free.

I later discovered that this wasn't because as a female I am any better than my male counter parts. Apparently this is just a very calculated ploy to get young men to come these events. You see, young men seem to look for chances to meet young women...And since men usually spend far more money on alcohol than women do and semi intoxicated women are much friendlier to be around...(go figure) They encourage young women to attend these social events by letting them obtain their adult beverages for free. Very clever.


Second~

I have discovered..that I have a need to be agreed with. Yes I know this one was another shocker for me. I had this revelation when completing an assignment for my college studies class. I being the eager freshman that I am, put a great deal of thought into my opinions used for this paper. I sat and chose my words to support my arguments carefully....I skillfully wrote my paper and was very pleased with the way it turned out. As it so happens, my professor liked it too because I received an A+ for my efforts. You would think that I would be happy wouldn't you? Not so...

In the margin of my paper my professor had written a paragraph or so telling me that while my paper was well written...he didn't agree with my opinions. That there were many out there who were of the same mind as I was and would agree with my thinking....but he was not one of them.

WHAT!

What does he mean he doesn't agree with me? How could he not after reading what could only be considered one of my best researched and well written works. Does this man understand what this means? Does he even know who hes dealing with? I think not!

I would like to say that I have since gotten over this....but the truth is I have not. I have also noticed that I and about four other students regularly get comments in the margins of our papers. In fact I will go as far as to say that it happens with pretty much every assignment given. I had thought that maybe I was being singled out at first. Possibly this professor didn't care for me for some unknown reason. I quickly crossed that off my list..since as you well know by now..I'm extremely sweet. So not liking me wasn't it. Besides that..I continue to make A's on all my assignments.


So what is up with all the comments? Is he just one of those individuals who is never completely satisfied? Could he be the type who just feels the need to get in the last word? Why have they given this man a red pen?


These questions are just a few of the many I hope to have answered in the next few months. I have high hopes to have this professor straightened out completely before its all over. You know me..its only a matter of time..they all see the light eventually.

Did I mention that I love college? *smile*

Dont Drink The Water

I have been sitting here in relative safety watching from a distance as one after another of my friends and peers becomes engaged / married or learns they are expecting a child. Now these aren't things that are really all that unexpected. I mean that is part of life...people do eventually get married..they do start families. Its the normal course of things isn't it?

However lately....it seems as though that trend, at least with my peer group, has picked up speed. It seems as though a huge number of people that I personally associate with have decided to fall on their swords and make those sort of big life altering changes.

I'm not sure whats prompted all this activity. I had considered the possibilities of the full moon. Or maybe the time of the year, sort of a spring fever. Maybe its an age thing. Do you hit a certain point in development and your body automatically tells you its time to mate and reproduce?

Now please don't misunderstand me....I'm not putting down their choices. I just realize that at this point in my life its not for me. I do admittedly at some point want to marry. I suppose I would even like to have the chance to screw up a child of my own some day. But I just realize that right now, there are things personally that I need to accomplish before I can be part of a married couple.

I think one of the strongest things about a married couple is their individuality. Each person needs to be a whole person when entering the couple relationship. I don't think you should enter a relationship expecting the other person to sustain you. While love, commitment, compatibility, values, goals are important factors to making a successful couple. Its important that each person is also able to be independent of each other too.

I see a lot of my friends making this fatal mistake over and over again. They become a couple and then expect the girlfriend or boyfriend to give up everything they were before the relationship and morph into this attached at the hip, can not breath their own air new person. Who cant be happy unless they are in the couple environment. I have never understood why they would even want to do this.

Personally, I want to bring something with me when I enter a relationship. I want to have something to contribute and offer. I want to be able to help build the life I will share with the guy who decides to put up with me. He will have to be able accept my flaws as well as my strengths. The same way I will accept his. I don't want a guy I have to change to make him fit me as part of a couple. I want to like him and respect him long before I fall in love with him or I agree to marry him.

Because lets face it...if you cant respect and admire the other persons values, goals and thinking as an individual...Do you really think that becoming a couple will change any of these things?? Big mistake if you do.

I realize nothing is written in stone. If the right person asked me....who knows what I would do. But I think before I strap on the white dress and march down the isle. I think Ill get my education out of the way first. I want to be more of the person I need to be before taking on the challenges of a married person.

Until then I wont worry about whats caused this exodus of my friends to the next steps in life.....I will just sit back and watch the parade of peers taking the plunge. I will even smile and waive and wish them well as they pass by. As for me, I will continue to focus on the task ahead of me.....getting my education.

But just in case, to be on the safe side....I wont be drinking the water here either.

The Destination or The Journey?

Which is more significant to a persons life...the destination or the journey? I think maybe sometimes we become so focused on reaching our ultimate goal that we forget to learn from the people and steps we have to take along the way. When finally reaching the end of the road to our goal... sometimes we discover that the place we looked to for our success doesn't bring us the satisfaction or happiness we thought we would find there.

I have had to think a lot about what I want out of my life lately. I am at a place that I am making a lot of choices. I wont try and make it sound as though my choices are any more difficult or different than the average persons. They aren't. In fact I suppose maybe to someone else they probably seem pretty insignificant. Day to day I think probably most of us have a more narrow view of the world and tend to focus on the things that affect us personally as most the important. That's pretty human.

But even though I am just beginning, I know that this isn't a dress rehearsal. This..today is life. My life. And each day is one day that is gone and I wont get back again. I am realizing that its not as important where I end up so much, as it is that I become a better person along the way. That I take something from the people I meet and the things I experience and make myself better for having done so.

I cant say that everything so far has turned out the way I wanted or hoped it would. But I will say that when I think about it..I'm lucky that I have had the chance to love the people Ive loved and lucky for those who have loved me back. (no matter what a pain in the ass I am at times) I am lucky to have a family who cares for me. Even the mistakes I have made and the disappointments have their place in the person I am now becoming. I know I have a choice. Do I become stronger from the falls I take or do I let them keep me down?

Ultimately I know the only thing I have control over in this world is me. Realizing that brings a sort of peace. It doesn't mean I stop trying. In fact just the opposite..I plan to go out into the world and kick butt.

I just want to make sure I also go out and live, love and fully experience life while I do. In doing so..no matter where I end up...It will have all been worth it.

Need Directions?...Google It

I had someone send this to me the other day and when I actually did it I had to laugh. I hope maybe it will bring one to you as well. Follow the directions.....

• Go to Google.com
• Click on Maps
• Click on Get Directions
• Type in From: New York New York
• Type in To: Paris France
• Then read line #24

Those Google people dont miss a thing do they? LOL

Ready To Matriculate

You can lead a blond to knowledge but you cant make her think.

Yes..I know that was really bad. But still appropriate in this case. Its taken me some time to get to this point. I have no problem with going to college. In fact I think if you want to go and you have the chance to go....you should take advantage of it. But that doesn't mean its for everyone.

I just don't think you should go just so you are able to say you went. Or because others "strongly suggest" that you go. I think those are all the wrong reasons. You go because you have a desire to learn something. Because you think the experience will improve your life in someway.

I have watched a lot of my peers get on the college bound train...only to drop out later realising it wasn't for them. Or float aimlessly through it, not really getting anything from it....except for the knowledge of how to play beer pong or other assorted drinking games.

Not that I'm putting down the socialization part of the college experience, I'm not. I have a great many friends doing the whole matriculation thing now and loving it. I have spent enough time with them at their college apartments or on campus to know that I would probably fit in with the social aspect of it and enjoy it.

But there is more to it than that..or at least their should be. I guess its just taken me this long to decide that the time was right for me. So my friends I have officially submitted my application...and am working on the next steps toward my goal. And for the first time in a long while I am actually excited. I really feel like this is the right thing for me.

I feel hopeful, confident and ready to do this.

Change

Anyone who's read this blog before or who knows me, knows I love poker. I love everything about it. I love sitting at a table with a few friends laughing and swapping a few lies. I love drinking an ice cold beer or some other beverage and munching on some salty snack food. I love sitting there looking like the young, blond, 5 feet 2 inches kid and innocently staring down all those big old guys and bluffing them out of their hard earned cash. YES I LOVE POKER.

I haven't played poker in a while or done a lot of the old things I used to enjoy. I have been letting things going on in my life take all my focus and keep me tied up in knots. To the point I think I had almost forgotten what it was like to be the old me. And you know what? I missed the old me. I missed her a lot!

This finally clicked once and for all in my brain when I had a long talk with a really good friend of mine. He is one of those kind of people that never cuts me any slack. He tells me exactly the way it is no matter if I want to hear it or not. Which is exactly what he did last night. Which is exactly what I needed to hear.

It was sort of weird. Because he didn't really tell me anything that I didn't already know. But when I heard him saying it, I finally saw it the way it was. By stressing and obsessing the way I have been I was changing who I am. I also realized I didn't like the person that I became while doing that.

After that talk..I felt better for the first time in a while. I felt like I had a new perspective on things. I felt my confidence coming back to me. I felt like I should look forward to the things a head of me.

Later that night when I got the invitation to go out and play poker with a few friends, I went. It wasn't a big game...just five of us. I walked in the door and told them all up front I only had $3 dollars in my pocket. Yeah I know, $3 dollars doesnt sound like someone who's really prepared to play poker. To be honest I have been pretty broke lately too...which has also added to my poor frame of mind. But I figured Id play a few hands with my friends and then sit and socialize once the money was gone.

They were playing a quarters game of Texas Hold um. So even my three measly dollars didn't seem to phase them. They told me to pull up a chair and anti up. I admit...the first few hands I barely broke even. Then the next few, I didn't do well at all and lost everything I had, including the $3 dollars I had showed up with.

This however didn't get me out of the game. My friends decided they would spot me about $10 dollars of quarters so that I could continue to play on. I was having a good time and I figured I had a little money in my secret stash at home that I had been saving for something else. So I agreed.

By the end of the night, the pile of silver sitting in front of me was considerable. It was down to three of us. One of the guys feeling like luck was moving in his direction decides he wants to up the stakes. He increases the anti. When it comes around the table to me...I sat there with my patented undecided look on my face...."Gee I don't know...aah well OK...I guess Ill stay and see what the cards do".

The pot keeps growing...My friend who felt luck was going to be his friend is now getting excited. He thinks hes got this one all tied up. Hes going to clean the table of this pot and then call it a night.

When it finally comes down to the last cards...hes got two pair. Don't get me wrong it wasn't a bad hand....But the last time I checked...two pair doesn't beat a straight. Which is what I was holding.

I laid my straight down on the table in front of him....and watched his face as I pulled ALL that money to my side of the table. He said "Damn it Jennifer, I thought you didn't have anything". I just smiled and said "Yes I know". His brother in law who was sitting on the other side of me is now dying laughing. I'm just sitting there grinning.

By the end of the evening.. they let me cash in all my silver for paper money. After paying back the $10 I was spotted earlier in the evening and then subtracting the original $3 I showed up with. I was coming home with an extra $60 dollars of someone elses money in my pocket.

This morning I woke up feeling hopeful....like maybe things are going to change for me. I feel like I'm going to make them change by moving forward. No it wasn't the poker game that did it. But the game did remind me of the old me...I missed her. I'm glad shes coming back.

Majority Rules

Maybe my thinking is naive or idealistic. But it is what I believe

I don't think any system of government is perfect. I believe that most have their flaws that need to be worked out and adjusted as time goes on and the country and its people evolve and grow. But I also believe in this country it is a mistake to look away from the basic beliefs and principals that our country was founded on.

History tells us that our founding fathers were not perfect men. In fact on a personal level many were far from it. But there is one thing you can say about them that holds true today. They had a vision. They had the courage and fortitude to implement that vision. They sat down and drafted a document that was the foundation for this country and it remains so today. Considering how long we have been in business you have to admit they were on to something.

The country was founded with basic Christian principles. But it allowed for the freedom to have other beliefs and worship. Even though the vast majority of its citizens all held the same beliefs.

It was founded on the idea that everyone had a right to speak. Yes most were of the same political and social thinking....But it allowed for that free dialogue that gave people a chance to voice new ideas, concerns and even make changes without fear of retribution.

I suppose anyone reading this right now is thinking...YES...and your point?

My point is...this is what the country is all about. Its what it has been about since its conception. So why do we keep allowing others to try and make us into a people of politically correct accommodation?

Those of other faiths...we welcome you regardless if your beliefs differ from ours. We are glad to let you share in the freedom of worship that our country provides. But understand the majority of its people are of the christian faith. You can not expect or ask an entire nation to change its values to accommodate you. Here majority rules. If you feel this is an unfair practice. You may attempt to change it with a vote. That is our way too.

Those of you who live in fear of those who possess guns. The founding fathers gave us the privilege and right to bear arms. Yes that privilege has been abused by some with tragic consequences. But in this country the majority of our citizens are decent and law abiding. You can not punish the innocent in a hope of stopping a few that will be guilty. Here again majority rules.

Every country needs to grow and change. But it is wrong to try and change what isn't broken for the majority of its citizens because of a few. Here in our country, each vote counts. Each individual can still speak out and together the sum total of voices equal majority rules.

Do not think to make our choices for us. The majority still want the freedom to do that for ourselves.

Theres Always Plan B

Have you ever wondered how much you as in individual matter in this world? I have. Especially lately.

I was watching a commercial on TV...Don't ask me what they were selling...I couldn't tell you. It was some sort of insurance I think. I suppose in that regard the commercial failed miserably as a commercial since I cant recall the company it was for. But it did catch my eye for another reason. It was one of those pay it forward type ideas.

It showed an individual who stops for no other reason than just because they can..and helped another person. It was a simple thing...not a cure for cancer or the answers to hunger or world peace. Just a simple act of kindness from one person to another. That act was then observed unknowingly by a third individual who stopped, paused and thought about what he had just seen. The commercial goes on with this ripple effect...The third individual does a small act of kindness that gets passed on because its affects another person and so on.

So this gets me thinking. I wonder how my life effects those around me. Do I have any impact on those people I come in contact with on a daily basis? What about those who I only touch for the briefest of moments?

Id like to think that maybe I could be the kind of person one day that could be something positive in another persons life. I doubt I will ever be anyone who does anything so profound as finding a cure for a disease or the answers to any real world problems. But Id like to think that one day I can become a good enough person that my actions...even the small ones would be a good influence on others around me.

There seem to be all kinds of successes in this world. There are the creators of the world...and the things we have in it. The ones who have great influence over economy, people, politics. There are those who do great humanitarian acts, find cures for disease and work on a global level to cure the world of its ills. Then there are those who appear successful just by the simple act of being in the public eye repeatedly. I don't know if fame is a true success.. I suppose that depends on the stick you measure it by.

I don't see myself as ever falling into any of the above categories. I'm not sure I would want to. But I think that there are more basic ways of being a success. And even though those might not be noticed or measured..they are every bit as important in the big scheme of things. I may not be that kind of person yet. But I could be. I mean I still have a lot of choices a head of me don't I?

My Great Grandmother used to say take life with a grain of salt....My great Uncle would say add a slice of lime and a shot of tequila to that. *smile*

But someone recently gave me some pretty simple but none the less good advise....He told me to stop beating up on myself, don't over analyse and do what I needed to do for me. He could be right. Who knows, maybe everything else might start to fall into place.

If not..there is always plan B...... that slice of lime and that shot of tequila...

No Apologies

We live in the 21st Century. I would like to believe that in this day and time NO ONE thinks slavery was a good idea. Which is why I believe it doesn't exist any longer. It was abolished.

Abolish- To do away with; to repeal; to obliterate.

Which in the most simple terms means its gone...Its not coming back. So I have to say it bothers me that something that was clearly thought to be a bad idea and done away with a very long time ago is still an issue.

Could someone please explain to me why legislators from states such as Alabama, Virginia, Maryland and North Carolina are all writing legislation to officially express regret and apologise for their states involvement in slavery? Are they serious?

I am a 20 year old living in the south. I wasn't around during the time of slavery. I never personally kept a slave. Nor did I promote those who did. I have never profited in anyway from slave labor. In fact....I can pretty much assure you that if there was any sort of slave labor around our home while I was growing up...I WAS IT.

So to me the idea that ANYONE now owes an apology at this point for something that happened two hundred or so years ago is totally ridiculous. Not only that, but I am completely tired of hearing how every bad thing that happens is directly related to the raw deal their ancestors got.

If you are a person living in this country for several generations now.....No matter how you got here or where your ancestors came from there is one thing for certain.....YOU ARE AN AMERICAN!!

You are an American with all the freedoms and privileges given to you by our constitution and laws of this country. Just like every other American. You are not the only group that has been wronged in our nations history or has had its share of struggles.

If you feel that being denied this apology is about a of lack of respect for you. I would like offer a thought.....If you desire respect...look closer to home. I heard someone say that "We can not expect others to respect us if we first don't show respect for ourselves". I think that's pretty true and good advise no matter what race, religion or gender you are.

There is a trend to promote music, movies and a culture that demeans women, race, religion and a respect for the law. This is done for no other reason than for monetary profit. Today we have more respect for the dollar than we have for people. And it doesn't seem to matter how much we have to degrade ourselves, our standards and values to achieve it.

An apology is not your problem here....You have much bigger concerns than that. You're culture is deteriorating right before your eyes. And you are allowing it.

However if you still want an apology for slavery and feel you can get it from someone who actually committed this crime...then I say go for it. But I have a feeling that most who participated in this act are long since gone.

So I have to ask..Wouldn't the time be better spent looking at how to make the future better rather than looking for someone to take blame for the past?

Innocent Until Proven Guilty...

Innocent until proven guilty has left the building. Or at least its on its way out because of a lot of different circumstances in our country. I realize that with the tragic events that have occurred at places such as Virginia Tech and Columbine people want the powers that be to do something...anything to make them feel safer and protected while in public places.

But can this really be done? I have to ask myself are the freedoms we give up really a good trade for the false feeling of security we will get for them? How many metal detectors do we walk through? How many forms and background checks do we go through before we are deemed safe and law abiding?

Do all these new laws and restrictions really keep us safer? Because in my way of thinking the only people who really follow these rules are the ones who are law abiding to begin with. Criminals and crazies usually step outside the box when it comes to things like this.

We have adopted a VERY unhealthy attitude toward the politically correct. We are so worried that we are going to offend some group that we are giving up many of our own rights to prevent this from happening. As we bend over backwards, we are saying by our actions that we are unable to determine who is criminal and crazy...And if we do suspect, our own fear of political incorrectness makes us unwilling to step up and point them out. Therefore for safety's sake we will have to restrict everyone.

Some will say that all these new restrictions are an acceptable trade off to know that they are safer when flying or going to school or entering a building.. etc. But I think its a slippery slope we need to think over carefully before signing off on it.

Maybe its old school thinking on my part. It just seems it could be a dangerous trade off, because to me freedoms aren't usually lost in big pieces at a time..They are eroded away little by little. So slowly and so subtly that we don't even notice, so we tell ourselves that its just normal.

If we are innocent until proven guilty shouldn't we be allowed to live as if we are?


Please check out exmi's blog post Unusual Allies to see what set me off today.

Virginia Tech

Normally I don't blog about things like this. But just like a lot of other people in our country, I'm watching the students, faculty and families of Virginia Tech try and cope with the tragic events that occurred on Monday of this week.

Anytime you hear about something like this...Its hard not to be stunned and horrified by it. But I will be honest with you.....In the past, even though I may think to myself that its awful and I truly feel sorry for the people involved. I also to some degree detach from it. Its something that has happened in another place to strangers and doesn't affect me personally.

I am not trying to excuse my behavior on this...But lets face it, we are bombarded with stories of murder, death, starvation, abuse and a thousand other similar occurrences every single day in the news we read, the radio we listen to and the TV we watch. How many of us take each victim or story to heart?

But this time, for me at least its different. I have been watching these people. I have seen their fear...watched them grieve, seen their confusion and frustration that this has happened at all...let alone happened to them.

This one bothers me....because when I look at their faces...I see my friends. I see myself. I am the same age as most of these people who died. I live in a small community who is to some degree close knit. I see them and think of my home...my friends and my family. This one bothers me a lot.

I see the photos of the man who did this. He looked so normal. Just another average 23 year old student. If I had passed him on the street would I have noticed anything about him that made me pause? While there is a lot of speculation and things coming to light right now as to why he choose to do this to these innocent people and then to himself.. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of dark place you would have to be in to actually do it?

I admire these people of Virginia Tech. I have watched them tell their stories and not once have I heard anyone speak in anger. If anyone has a reason to feel anger right now...it would be those whose loss was so great. But what I do get from them is immense sadness, disbelief and a camaraderie of people pulling together to support each other in a time of need. I see that thing in them that gives you hope that human beings are still indeed worth something.

To the students and families of Blacksburg Virginia and Virginia Tech my heart goes out to you. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Feeling Invisable

I woke up this morning around 5:30 to the sound of pouring rain. Normally I love the sound of a storm. Especially when I can lay in bed and listen to it outside. Its the perfect time to think and day dream. But this morning I don't want to have to think anymore and my day dreams are pretty much history.

Ive been feeling sort of invisible lately. As if I'm viewed but not seen...heard but not listened to. It seems that everyone in the world....especially those closest to me (family and friends) seem to have an opinion about what I need to be doing with my life and how I should be doing it.

After the initial irritation I feel subsides...I try and remember that this is coming from a good place. That these people truly do care for me and care what happens to me. They mean well and they're advise and opinions have good intentions behind them. But I have to wonder, how they can know what I need and want when I don't even know myself.

Some of my friends think I need a love life to solve my problems. Trust me..been there tried that. I cant make one work. Besides...to me you're heart isn't interchangeable.....You either really love someone or you don't....You cant just swap one person for another. Or I cant. NOR DO I WANT TO.

My family thinks that I need to have focus...goals...a plan. I need to get serious and stop day dreaming. To take on more adult responsibilities...yada yada yada....I know the drill. And I wont say that they are completely wrong about some of this....But let me figure it out....Stop trying to do it for me. I keep trying to explain, I'm not them. I'm not the same person. I have to do it my way.

If I have heard it once I have heard it a ga-zillion times..."Ive been where you are. I already know the mistakes a head of you...You need to listen to me. I'm trying to help you".

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! STOP ALREADY!

I know you have seen things I haven't. I also know you may have more life experience than I do. But geezzzzzzzz cut me some slack here. I not stupid. Have some faith in the way you raised me. I just need to work this out on my own. I want to work it out on my own. I want to make my own plan and my own mistakes whatever they might be. I will take responsibility if I screw it up. I'm not making excuses for those Ive made already. Just give me some breathing room. Please.

I keep thinking if I bide my time...some new object of obsession will get their attention and my life will fade from their thoughts. I admit I'm not good at being pushed...I tend to dig in and go the opposite direction when it happens. If those who kept pushing me really thought about it they would know this.

I suppose if the truth be told...I know them too..and I know that the same way they are pushing my buttons...I'm in turn pushing theirs. Its pretty childish and dis functional sounding when you lay it out like that. But in families I guess we all know each others weak spots.

Do You Need 911...If so how badly?

Yesterday I was listening to the local news...They had a story about a man who had called 911 because his 37 year old girl friend was choking. On the recorded phone call you can clearly hear this man obviously frantic. He has no idea what to do for this woman. OK..I understand not everyone knows the Heimlich Maneuver ...And even someone who might know of it..at the point during an emergency might not have a clear enough head to actually attempt to use it.

Lets face it....not everyone remains calm cool and collected in those type of situations. Which is why some of us are cut out to be rescue help, while others are the rescued. However....you would think that when you call emergency assistance you would at least get someone on the other end of the phone who could assist you. Someone with the minimal and basic first aide instruction.

I know these people are mostly there to assess and send out medical help. But this 911 operator didn't know the Heimlich either. And while they were polite on the phone...polite is the last of my concerns if I am calling you because someone I care about is dying in front of me.

To make matters even worse in my eyes...The supervisor of this 911 operator who did in fact know the proper way to assist someone who was choking...refused to get on the line and assist the caller. In fact, could be heard in the background of the call almost making fun of the way the call was going.

REALLY?

It took 11 minutes for an ambulance to arrive...and by the time they got there the mans girlfriend was dead.

Maybe its just me but if you have the need to call 911...You do so because you have an emergency that your skills or knowledge cant solve or handle on your own. You are calling for help...assistance. Not to speak to someone who is nothing more than a glorified telemarketer.

I realise there are probably some legal ramifications I'm not aware of if you provide someone with verbal medical assistance and they screw it up. I will be honest with you..if there are and what they would be... I couldn't begin to tell you. But considering you cant breath air anymore with out fear of being sued, nothing would surprise me.

I will say this...If this were me.....I would much rather be in trouble for attempting to help save someones life...Than to remain legally safe while I sit back and let them die.

Maybe its fortunate I'm not a 911 operator.

Working With A Bad Attitude

The key to understanding how to dig a hole for yourself is knowing when to stop digging. When you hit rock bottom..that's when its time to stop. I think that's pretty good advise. I however have never been one to take good advise. I am stubborn.

Being stubborn isn't my only problem at this moment...toss in a little apathy...a dash of procrastination....apply extreme pressure and you have successfully created one bad attitude. And not that I'm trying to brag here...But this is really the finest bad attitude I have ever managed to create and sustain for this long of a period of time. You always know when you have really achieved optimum success with your bad attitude...because you aren't just making yourself miserable any longer you are also managing to make others around you unhappy as well. So as far as bad behavior goes this will probably be a crowning achievement in my somewhat inexperienced life time.

There was a time not so long ago that I would have looked around and blamed everyone else for my situation. When you are a kid...its always the other guys fault. But I'm too old to be able to play that card anymore.

So I have decided to make my bad attitude work for me. I'm sick of being pushed...I am too stubborn to quit....even if others have given up on me. I am going to succeed and do it my way, if only to prove to everyone who's been riding me that I can. Yes...this will still accomplish some of the same goals. But in doing it my way will have the added bonus of pissing them off at the same time.

Is this childish thinking on my part? Yes probably....but did I mention I'm working with a bad attitude here?