Ive been feeling like this square peg of a person trying to fit into a round world. A girl who doesn't want causal sex. A girl who cant fall in love over night but needs a great deal of time to say those words to another person. A girl who wants to see the best in people and continue to believe in them even when they let her down. A girl who takes her time making friends, but those who stick around long enough to become close...she values above everything. .
I used to think these were good qualities...But I don't think many people view them as qualities any more. I think they see them more as weaknesses. A fact that I am constantly being reminded of lately.
I am just weary of being tested all the time. I wish things could be straight forward. I wish you didn't have to read between imaginary lines. I wish you didn't always have to be on guard and wonder if someone had a hidden agenda. I wish I could believe in people the way I used to. I wish I could have that feeling I had when I first started coming here to the deep end of the pool. Because it made me feel hopeful like anything was possible. But unfortunately, wishing doesn't make it so and I'm just tired of getting knocked on my butt every time I do.
Ive been swimming in the deep end of the pool for almost three years now. It was a gift that was given to me by someone who was important in my life. And even though a lot has changed since the first time I came here......It still makes me feel better anytime I come here and I write. Even if all it is just me thinking out loud.
4 comments:
I applaud you for sticking to you guns and I agree that I wish things could be more black and white.
I think in the long run things are better for you if you invest time upfront and wait.
~Jef
Hi. It's all about keeping swiming. At the begining, it's hard because you're at the deap end, but if you keep swiming, days after day, you'll get to enjoy it...."Perserverance" is the word I was looking for. I know that sometimes, the tunnel seems to have no end, but there's always a light at the end on a tunnel, right? Don't worry, you'll get to enjoy lotsa happy sunny days dancing cha cha cha.
I like what I was once told:
"It's not necessarily what a man does that defines him, but what he restrains himself from."
Girl, it's good to see you're keeping strong. I know it's tough. It takes a live fish to swim against the tide any dead fish can sleep around, and drink themselves senseless.
I'm often reminded of family members and friends who've taken the "popular" route only to find that such activities are short-term fixes without long-term rewards. Those that seem happiest are those that are the most content with their standards without capitulating to the influence of others.
ryan
Thanks you for saying that.
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