Feeling Sentimental

Yes I admit it I'm sort of sentimental about my blog. Go figure... I never saw that one coming either.

Its been 14 months since Adrian got me interested in blogging. It started out sort of on a whim...With the blogs title and even my profile being sort of an inside joke between friends... But over time, I guess it sort of feels like home to me. If that makes any sense at all.

I have also had the chance to meet some really great people who have become my blog friends and family. They have changed how I view the world. I used to think of it as a pretty big place. Now I realize that the world and its people are a lot more like me than I ever imagined.

I don't get to tell all of them often enough how much I've enjoyed reading their blogs or even how much I have enjoyed getting to know them on a personal level. (I know I'm terrible about email sometimes) But I have and I do. So to you the bloggers who make me laugh and smile...

To my Jenn with "two N's...
I'm sorry to hear the home computer has gone to cyber heaven. I know you have been busy with camp and concerts and of course that sweetie pie second grader of yours...But thanks so much for the emails. I love catching up. But I miss your posts too...So come back ok.
P.S wow second grade..You are going to have to beat those little girls off with a stick MOM...lol

To Hullabelly.... I am so happy to see you are not only feeling good inside..But outside too...Congratulations on the new place. I wish I could bring you the traditional Oreo's and Milk house warming gift. But I'm with you in spirit if that helps. I'm glad your back posting.

To Dreadcow...I have always enjoyed our talks and emails...You never stop surprising me. lol Thanks for all the great advise and common sense talk. I can always count on you to be straight with me no matter what. I love that about you. Thanks for letting me be a part of things with you too..It means a lot to me. Hang in there you are in the short rows now..And in a few short weeks Dorothy, you will be back in Kansas.....Now go forth and POST!
PS I love your Mom too..She's great!

To Rocket...I sure didn't see you coming. But It was a nice surprise. I know you have a long road ahead of you right now. But remember..Those first steps out the door aren't moving you further from home...They are the first steps to coming back to it. I know your going to find the answer your looking for. But Ill keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Goodluck with T Lee. I hope its the happy ending you wanted. Hugs and kisses to Miss Zoe. And thank you for all you've done for me.

To Stephan...You have been a good friend. Your kindness and patience has meant a lot to me. Thank you so much. I'm glad I have been able to catch up with you lately online..You always get what Im thinking...it must be that brother from another mother thing...lol. I'm glad your feeling better too! You need to post! I want to see the new pictures and you better take some on the island this weekend. :)

To Adrian....I'm glad your back blogging. I'm happy you love the job and the new flat. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world on the new start. Edinburgh sounds like a nice place to be and they are lucky to have you. In case I forgot to say it..Thanks for everything over the past year...And thanks for my blog.

Exmi..I love reading your blog.. Who knew you were a man of so many talents and interests. You gotta love a guy who can bake like that...mannnnnn.
PS : Fencing to a fish is just another way of saying fillay : )

Jef.... Thanks for reading faithfully. Your little girl is so cute. Good job Daddy!

Yea I know this post was mushy and sentimental and probably meant nothing to anyone but me...But its my blog..And I'm proud to say these are some of my blog buddies.

The Time To Stop Digging

The key to digging a hole for yourself is this...Know when to stop digging. When you hit rock bottom..That's the time to stop.

I have dug many a hole for myself in my almost 20 years of life. I sometimes wonder if this is a bad sign. Lets face it...I'm not that old so most of those holes were probably done in my teen years. Which means for the last 5 to 8 years or so.....I have been one busy hole digging individual.

Some might point out that this is a clear indication that I'm not playing with all the cards in my deck. I unfortunately cant dispute this as a possibility. I have had similar thoughts of my own. I sometimes feel like I'm probably my own worst enemy. I know I'm my own worst critic.

I wonder at times why I have gotten to this point in my life where these melt downs occur. I try and reflect and analyze the events of my life to see exactly where I turned onto this road that has lead me to this place. While I see a lot of small clues in answer to this question. There doesn't seem to be any one point in which I have that "Ahhhhhhh" moment of saying "OK there it is".

If you've ever watched a bug caught in a spiders web before, then you may have an idea of the way I feel sometimes. Its as if the bug, going on with his normal buggy little life, isn't looking where he's going and BAM! He runs head first into the web. At first the said bug is sort of stunned. He has that "Hmmm how did I get here" sort of look. Then he realizes, well I don't think I care for this. I think Ill move along. But the more the bug moves.....The more he twists and turns and tries to escape the more entangled he becomes. Eventually he tires and gives up. Resigned to be wrapped up and lost.

I think sometimes I've let myself do that. I struggle so hard with things....I worry.....I over think...Until I exhaust myself. By then the things I struggled against seem so big and so overwhelming, that I sort of just give up. Resigned to the idea that this is where I'm stuck.

Maybe its time to stop struggling. To relax. Not that I want to be caught in this web I've gotten myself into. But the struggling isn't getting me anywhere. So maybe its time for a new plan.

I just have one problem I cant seem to get out of my head....Where is that spider?

Moment To Moment

Life can change in a split second. The things you thought you could count on forever can sometimes disapear in an instant.

Maybe it should be important to live in the moment. Not to keep looking over your shoulder at the regrets of the past or dwell to deeply on the day dreams of the future. But just enjoy what time you have as it happens.

Because one day it may just be gone.


I wish you had at least said goodbye.

This Is Not News......

They caught our President on camera saying the word "shit" to Prime Minister Tony Blair.

Yeah I know, I was shocked too. I was shocked they thought the President letting one fly was news worthy. Yes it might have been in poor taste or bad manners on his part. But the man is the leader of the free world.....And I would imagine he's got a lot of pressures that go along with the job. So to me its not really surprising that during what I would like to point out was a "private" discussion between himself and the Prime Minister Blair he let one fly out.

If the truth be told I've let one fly on occasion for a lot less....Although if you talk to my Mom. I will have to deny that I have any knowledge of such behavior.

The actual quote he said to Mr Blair was: “What they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit and it’s over,”

But speaking as a girl living in the south, who has a Mom who is big on manners...I bet Miss Barbara wasnt a happy camper. I'm sure the part where he said the "S" word wouldnt shock her nearly as much as the video of her son chewing food with his mouth open while talking to the Prime Minister.

If I'm not mistaken, I believe that's pretty standard stuff that all Moms drill into you when you are a kid..Its in the Moms rules and regulations handbook...Section two..paragraph three...."Elbows off table"...Say "Please and Thank you"....."Yes mam and No mam" and last but not certainly least "Don't talk with your mouth full" or "Chew with your mouth closed"

The way I see it getting caught saying the "S" word is the least of his worries.

Man + Woman = Sex...But not necessarily love.

I was talking to a friend about his feelings for a girl he's just recently met a month or so ago. Ill call her Sam. He seems to think a lot of Sam, at least he's told her he does. They have a lot of things in common..Share views on a lot of different topics and seem to really enjoy each others company. They both seem attracted to each other and share that sort of electricity or chemistry with each other. So naturally the topic of taking things to that next step has come up.

Neither Sam nor my friend are the promiscuous types. When talking to my friend about this aspect of the relationship and his desire to take that next step he said something's that not only made me admire him...But also made me think. He said that while speaking as a guy...His desire to sleep with Sam wasn't an issue. He knew he definitely wanted to and could...NO problem. But speaking as the guy who thought a lot of this girl....He knew he shouldn't unless he was in a place that he could offer her more of himself or a more serious relationship. And right now....As things stood in his life..He couldn't.

I respect that about my friend. I admire that he wants more from sex than just the physical enjoyment of the act. He wants it to actually mean something.

This talk also made me think. Men and women have widely different views on a variety of topics...Sex being just one. Men seem to view sex more in the physical. Where women generally approach it on more of an emotional level.

That's not to say that a man cant be emotionally attached to the woman he's being physical with. I think my friend proves that there are times when in fact they do. But the emotional connection isn't necessary for most men to engage in the physical act. They do not confuse the physical act of sex with the emotion of love. Women on the other hand quite often equate sex with love.

I'm not saying that a woman cant enjoy the physical aspect of sex..They can and definitely do. Or that a woman cant desire sex just for the sake of sex. They can. But more often women internally equate it with love.

Is this where we as women make a mistake? Most people today rush head long into relationships with out giving the relationship time to progress to the point that the emotional side of it can sustain the physical side. Lets face it..The chemistry part comes easy. In the beginning meeting someone new, its all fireworks..sparks and butterflies with combat boots. Its exciting.

But that's not the real love. That's the chemistry. Its biology taking hold. The lasting part, the real part takes time to develop. It takes time to really get to know someone on a level that you really genuinely know who they are. Most of us hold back in the beginning. We don't let everyone see that deeper part of ourselves right away.. It takes time because getting to know another person that deeply is like peeling away layers of an onion...Each layer reveals another aspect to this persons life..Their past..And their personalities.

If we waited..Gave ourselves that time to know the person....Would we still want to be physical after it was all said and done? Maybe...Maybe not.

Maybe thats why they say anything worth having is worth waiting for.

Who Needs All That Nasty Money?

All this time I had thought that working and earning money to buy the comforts I desire was the way to go. I mean isn't that what we are told? You work, you earn, you get part of the American Dream. The car, the family with 2.5 children, the dog named Peety and last but not least a house of your very own.

Ahhhh my friends....This is not so. Today I learned about a man who decided he wanted to live in a house but alas he had no job and no money. Whatever is a poor slacker to do? Well this guy didn't sit around with his nose pressed to the glass dreaming..NOPE!

Last summer this 26 year old man from Montreal looked at his desk and decided to trade a red paper clip on the internet to get his house. As far fetched as it seems that this would work, it did. It took him 14 trades but he did it. And that truly amazes to me. I suppose that's what happens when you think outside the box.

Some of us plod along doing the normal stuff..Day in day out..We follow all the right steps toward building a future...We start on A and then move to B and so on. But how many people would think up something this far out there, let alone actually do it? Ill tell you who..The same people who create all the things we use today. Like for example those guys who decided to create home computers in their garage...I think one of them was named Gates. I think maybe he's still around some where. Hmmmmmm.

Just in case you might be curious...The trades went as follows :

Traded the red paper clip to a woman in Vancouver for a pen that looked like a fish.

Traded the fish pen for a hand made door knob made by a potter in Seattle.

Traded the door knob to someone in Massachusetts for a camp stove.

Traded the camp stove to a US Marine in California for a 100 watt generator.

Traded the generator to someone in Queens for an instant party kit. Contents :An empty keg and an illuminated Budweiser beer sign.

Traded the Instant Party Kit contents to a Montreal radio host for Bombardier Snowmobile.

Now from here I'm not sure where the trading went to......The news report I saw and read only said that at this point he barters his way all the way up to a chance to spend the afternoon with rocker Alice Cooper and a Kiss Snow Globe. He then takes these and trades them for a paid role in a movie actor Corbin Bernsen is making.

If the next question your asking is why would actor Corbin Bernsen trade for a Kiss Snow Globe? Well paper clip guy asked the same question. Apparently Mr Bernsen is a huge collector of Snow Globes. Go figure!

Finally.......The Town of Kipling Sack. contacted him and traded the role in the movie for a farm house. The fact that the paper clip mans last name is MacDonald I'm sure is just purely coincidental.

So there you have it. Mr MacDonald aka the paper clip guy...And his girl friend are flying to see their new house next week sometime...I think they are even giving him the keys to the city. Not to bad right?

The town of Kipling is going to hold a competition in the town to see who gets the movie role they traded the farm house for.

All in all though, you have to admire this guy. I mean how many of us have sort of sat around day dreaming up all kinds of what seemed like crazy things we could do to make money. The only thing that holds us back is that we see them as so far out there we never give it a try. Maybe its time to change that.

If your like me, this story at least makes you say Hmmmmmm.

To Forgive And Forget: And the fear that follows...

You know how I hate getting up on the soap box and being preachy....

OK OK..Stop laughing....

Anyone who knows me or reads this blog for all of 5 seconds knows that Im up and down off of my soap box so often its become an aerobic work out. And as far as being preachy goes..Listen closely and you can probably hear the choir singing.

So I suppose its safe to say that I do have an opinion. About pretty much everything. And If I don't when first asked..You can rest assured.. That given enough time to think about it and puzzle the subject out, I will probably form one.

I know that I have made my share of mistakes. Im still making them. I would like to think I can learn from those mistakes and not repeat them. But if Im honest about it, there are certain choices I have made that seem to just keep coming back to me.

The people in my life that I have chosen to fall for are a good example. I think probably everyone has gone through a break up at least once in their lives. I suppose how you view that break up depends on whether you were the one dumped or the one doing the dumping. There are also the reasons behind the breakup, what caused it to happen.

I think there are a lot of minor offenses that can end a relationship. But probably the biggest worst one in my eyes is infidelity. I think that one not only hurts the person because they have been cheated on ..But it destroys something deep inside you. It causes you to doubt yourself. To think that maybe there is something wrong with you or inside you that made this person do this to you. Even if you know rationally you did nothing to cause it. It still leaves lasting scars in your heart and your head full of doubts.

I think holding on to bitterness and anger is unhealthy. But its hard sometimes after something like that not to start to think Ill never let someone make me feel or look foolish again. You become a little jaded and start to wonder if all men or women are evil at the core. If there is anyone that can be trusted again. At some point we have to decide to let it go. But how?

Its not that a person cant forgive the act. I think they can. But its more difficult to forget. Someplace always in the back of your mind you know that this person who you trusted with the deepest part of yourself betrayed that trust. And even if you could forget it..Should you? Isn't that how we learn..The mistakes we make. Is trusting someone who didn't deserve that trust a mistake? Or do we rationalize why they did it when we forgive them?

I have never been the one doing the breaking up..I have always been the one getting dumped. Which is sad to have to admit..Because I have personally been cheated on numerous times. It would be nice to say I was too smart to let something like that happen to me. But Im human and I guess sometimes its hard to walk away from someone you really care deeply for even if you know on some level they are wrong for you.

One of the things I always preach to my friends about is that everything in life is a choice. The only things we can control for sure is ourselves. If we decide to stay with someone knowing they are wrong for us. Then that's our choice. If they are the type to cheat. Then they are. There is nothing you can do to make them remain faithful or into the person you want them to be. And something that I have learned the hard way is that you cant or shouldn't fool yourself into thinking that you will be the one to make them want to change. That with you it will be different. Because the odds are you wont.

If you decide to stay with them regardless of the facts. Then accept them the way they are. Accept that they will never be true to you. Accept that part of having this person in your life is the clear certainty that you will always be uncertain about everything they say and do. It doesn't mean because you choose them that you deserve to be treated badly. But if you make that choice and they do treat you badly. Don't complain about it. It was your choice. If you don't like it, and don't want to be treated that way then make another choice and don't be. Cut your loses and move on.

It wont be easy to walk. It never is. I think it becomes a question of love for yourself. Of knowing the kind of person and life you want for yourself and feel you deserve to have. If youre a caretaker type personality and not used to putting yourself first. Think of it this way. This person who is doing this to you isn't putting you first in their life...Don't you at least deserve that from the one person who should love you..YOURSELF.

After thinking about this a long long time. I suppose speaking for myself, its never been a question of forgiving. Because in my situation..Forgiveness wasn't called for. Its not a question of forgetting. Because I never can. Its just the type of person I am. But I think the worst part is the small fear. Not that this could happen to me again. I have already accepted that as a possibility. After the first 4 or 5 times it happens..That just becomes a given.

The part that scares me the most. The part that keeps me treading water instead of swimming forward, are the doubts I have about my own choices. What is wrong with my own internal radar that keeps steering me in the wrong direction? Because its not that I don't logically understand and know. Yet still.....

I have come to realize its not a lack of faith in others that stops me in my tracks, its a lack of faith in myself.

The One Year Anniversary

Its now approaching the first anniversary of my blog. It doesn't seem like its been a whole year of subjecting everyone to my very opinionated views of the world and life in general. But the calendar doesn't lie.

It was a year ago that I met the person who introduced me to the blog world. Before that I had no idea what a blog was let alone have a desire to write my own. But as it turns out I really enjoy blogging. The Deep End Of The Pool has really become a part of me.

My first blog post "Chivalry isn't Dead: Its just an Endangered Species" was inspired by the guy who got me into blogging. Since then I am very pleased to be able to say that not only do these good men still exist..But I have been priveledged enough to meet a few others who I feel fall into the "chivalrous" category.

Even though there are other chivalrous men out there. The first one will always hold a special place in my heart and in my life. So to him I say "Ek varlang na jou and lief vir jou".

To all of you who stop by to read this blog...Thank you for your comments, for letting me hear your thoughts and opinions, and letting me see a little of your world through the eyes of your blogs. I've loved being here.

Day Dreams Of The Future

I have been thinking about what kind of life I want. I'm starting to realize that when I daydream about it...I'm not thinking in terms of what kind of a job Ill have or how much money I will be making. Yes I guess those things are important. After all it helps if you don't hate going to work each and every day. And not struggling to pay the bills and feed the bulldog would be a plus too.

(For those of you who don't get southern speak..I don't really want a bulldog. Its just an expression. *grin*)

But when I do sit back and think about it. I would like a house. In the country or in the burbs I don't really care..As long as its a quite neighborhood with trees. One of those places kids can still ride their bikes. If they still exist.

The house doesn't have to be big...Just big enough for myself and the man of my dreams. And maybe eventually down the road a kid or two or three. Whatever we are blessed with will be ok with me.

It will have lots of windows...The kind that go almost to the floor. The kind that make the house sunny on good days...And on days when the weather is right..I can open the windows and let the curtains blow in the breeze. I can hear the night sounds...I can hear the kids out in the yard laughing as they play hide and seek in the shadows at dusk. Or I can watch the firefly's when they come out in the summer time.

It will have a huge wrap around porch with a swing on it some place. It will have a humming bird feeder hanging by the window so I can watch the birds come to drink. And plenty of hooks that I can hang big pots of flowers on in the spring. Maybe even some big french doors that come off of the bedroom or the kitchen so I can walk outside in the cool of the morning and drink my coffee. Or sit outside and watch the sun set.

It wont be filled with expensive things...Just comfortable things that feel like home. It will have finger painted pictures on the frig. A big kitchen with herbs growing on the window sill...And a huge table where the kids can make cookies...Getting flour and cookie dough everywhere...Much to their fathers dismay I'm sure.

There will be one big dog and one small one...Who will play with the kids and beg for warm cookies at the door. Leaving doggy nose prints on the glass. There will be homework at the table in the evenings while dinner is being cooked...And everyone piled up on the bed at night for stories.

I will go to softball or baseball games...Dance recitals and field trips. I will be there when they get home from school and enjoy raising them with the man of my dreams.

The man of my dreams is kind and intelligent. He treats me with respect and makes me feel loved and beautiful. He makes me laugh and melts my heart. He will be my biggest fan and he will be my hero. I will be his support system and his cheerleader when he needs it. I will be his sounding board when he needs to talk. I will lift him up so that he feels there is nothing in this world he cant do. And in turn he does the same for me. He is my bestfriend. The person I can tell all my deepest secrets to, all my fears and all my joys. He knows my strengths and all my weaknesses and loves me despite of them all. He makes me feel lucky to have this life , to share it with him. And I will treasure it as more priceless than anything else I could possibly imagine.

Fate or Freewill

Ok, maybe I'm over thinking again.....Yes I know its a problem. Cut me some slack alright. I'm just trying to figure life out one puzzle piece at a time. *smile*


Some believe in destiny or fate. They believe that our lives are preordained. That the story of our lives is already written, the path we travel is already mapped out.

I personally don't believe in destiny. I believe we are given free will. I believe each choice we make on a daily basis alters the course of our life. Even those choices we don't even notice as choices because they are so small and insignificant alter our path in some way.

Think about it. The simplest choice we make can cause a chain reaction that would literally change the course of our lives and in doing so change us forever. But only if we let it. For example, meeting someone. We meet how many people over a the span of a life time? Granted most are only causal meetings at best. Maybe a brief "excuse me" if we bump into someone. Maybe a small conversation while waiting in line. Or even a comment left on someone's blog. Then we move on with our day and our lives and the meeting becomes nothing more than an afterthought.

Unless we make the choice to make it more. Think of the thousands of decisions we make each and every day. Only a small fraction of those choices could be what we may think of as a major change or important to us at the time. But each person we meet. Each road we travel. Each corner we turn is in some way is affecting what happens to us next. And in turn maybe our futures.

If we decide that our lives are predestined to play out a certain way. We are to be married to a certain person..Live a certain life or have a certain job. They what is the point of trying? If this life is already mapped out for us. If all the huge choices have already been decided and set into some cosmic stone....Then why stress out about any of it? Why worry if we accomplish anything in our lives? If the choices are made then no matter what we do the outcome is still the same.

When that random opportunity arises...And that special thing just falls into our laps..That special person that we felt was a one in a million chance of meeting..That dream job...That once in a life time thing...That is not destiny speaking to us...That is not fate that steps in and pulls strings. That is just us taking advantage of situations as they arise...Making choices that steer us to one outcome or another. Sometimes these choices benefit us...And sometimes they have a negative affect on us. But either way its still us..Making a choice and then living with the consequences of that choice for good or bad.

Why am I thinking about this? I suppose its because I am at the beginning of my road. I am thinking about the choices that I have made to get me to this point. I am thinking about all the "what ifs". And maybe wondering what choices I might make today that might change my life tomorrow.

The Road To Hell

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I now understand what this means. I unintentionally hurt a friend. I did this by trying to be his friend and in doing so, getting a little too close and involved in parts of his private life that were really none of my business.

I didn't start out to do this. I am too opinionated and I have a very bad habit of voicing those opinions. And while the two cents that I threw into his path seemed to help him for a short time. He seemed to get some renewed strength from the fact he realized his thinking wasn't off base. That it was normal and even human to have all those thoughts and emotions he was feeling. It was still wrong for me to behave as though I had all the answers.

I don't and wont ever regret getting to know him and be a small part of his life. Because he was and is a good and decent person. And anytime you have the privileged of getting to meet someone like that its never a bad thing. My mistake was not letting a very sensitive and private matter stay just that.....Private.

I figured out to late that just because we are given the details to someone's personal life, doesn't mean we have a license to comment on it. Its far to easy to sit on the sidelines being an armchair quarterback. Telling them what play you would make if it were you. Because in truth its not you. You don't have the same things at stake. You don't have the same things to loose as they do. When its not your life its too easy to comment without having to worry about the consequences of your views. Its not quite the same for the person who's having to live it.

Its easy to do the wrong thing and then try and justify yourself by saying you are doing it for the right reasons. Because unintentional or not..The end result is still the same and the damage is done. So to my friend for over stepping my bounds with our friendship...Rocketman, I know that saying I'm sorry doesn't seem like very much. They are just words. But I am and I mean that sincerely.

Always your friend,
Jen

Gummy Worms, Sunglasses and Satan's Spawn

I never shopped at the Dollar Store much before. Because before I was usually spending my Moms money.....So the truth is the cost of things really didn't mean that much to me. However now that I have a job and have to use my own cash to make my small purchases...Its truly amazing how thrifty I have become.

Well today I'm in the dollar store picking up the few odd items. Just for those of you who have never had the pleasure of shopping at a Dollar Store.....Let me tell you, its a veritable treasure trove of useless junk, all of which you will think you have to have. All at the bargain price of......You guessed, it a dollar!

Today though I have my arms full of things I really didn't need....Like that extra pair of flip flops that just caught my eye.....Those cheap sunglasses that you need for each and every summer.....The shampoo with that fruity smell I like....A couple of black cherry candles.....A picture frame and one package of gummy worms. The last one was an impulse item at the check out counter.

Anyway I'm standing there with my arms loaded down. I should have gotten one of those little baskets to put my stuff in, I know.....But I was only coming in there to get an air freshener for my car, so I didn't think I needed one. Which if you will notice wasn't on the above mentioned list of items I walked out of the store with.

So, I was standing behind a woman with a small child in a buggy. This child was approximately 4 years old. And obviously not very well behaved, because from the moment I entered the store I was aware of his presence by his tantrum like screams and his mother yelling at him.

Normally I would have just ignored the little dirt eater and gone on with my day. But this is where he got me. As I stood there patiently waiting for my turn at the cash register, I hear the for mentioned tot...Refer to me as A..... "Doody Head". I being the adult in this situation...Just ignored the child's comment and pretended as though I hadn't even heard him. Something his mother also seemed to be doing. But then, it happened again..."Dooooody Head".

OK now the little midget was starting to annoy me. But I was still perfectly willing to ignore him...Until he pulled out a weapon. He was caring a semi automatic squirt gun...Loaded. He takes aim....Grins at me really big.....I give him one of those you better not if you know what's good for you looks...He just grins again..And says "Doody Head" and opens fire on the front of my T-shirt.

Now at this point...I've got a large wet spot on the front of me..And I've been called a Doody Head at least 3 times. I'm thinking its time to take the little monster down. He was less than 3 feet tall. So I seriously considered taking that gun away from him and turning it back on him and giving him a taste of his own medicine. But he was with his mother...Hmmm.... I sized her up too..She looked like she was a malnourished 98 pounds...And I noticed the two packs of cigarettes in her purse...She wasn't in great shape...Possibly a chain smoker...I believe I probably could have taken her down too along with the kid.

During this entire time..She pretended not to notice that her kid was calling me out...Or that he fired upon me without provocation. I was this close to giving in and starting one of those small town Jerry Springer moments right there in the check out line of the local Dollar Store...When the kids mom finishes her transaction and grabs her buggy and pushes it and the little spawn of satan out the door.

Then I started thinking. If that had been my mom...And I had the poor judgment to use the words Doody Head in her presence let alone direct it at a grown up...She would have torn me up. She wouldn't have waited until we got out to the car to inflict punishment on me..She would have snatched my butt out of that buggy and torn it up right then and there...Then dared anyone in the store to call those child abuse people because she had just disciplined her child. She probably would have continued the discipline by washing the ever loving taste out of my mouth when she got me home too.

I thought the phrase "shut up" was swearing up until I got older..And even now..I still don't say those words. My mom had a thing about manners..You said please and thank you..Yes Mam, No Mam...And you never and I mean never called someone names like Doody Head.

Now I will say this..As a child I didn't get many spankings. Not because I didn't misbehave..But because usually all my mom had to do was give me that look and I knew one more step and my life wasn't going to be a happy one. She had this quiet sound to her voice...That one that you knew was meant only for you to hear..And that you knew if you heard it..Things were going to get ugly.

I would like to think as a child I just had enough common sense to know better and avoid these incidents. But truly I just knew not to mess with my mom. If she said NO...You can pretty much take it to the bank that's exactly what she meant. And she wasn't going to change her mind.

Now if your thinking that I was scared of my mom...Heck yes I was! But I guess a little healthy intimidation is just good parenting. Whatever she did it must have worked. You don't hear me using the words Doody Head do you?

Perfect Imperfections

I think most of us have imperfections. Its what makes us all human. I myself will be the first one to tell you that I am riddled with them. I am the veritable Swiss Cheese of imperfections. These imperfections or flaws in my personality, my body and my nature are what make me unique and an individual.

They are also the things that probably have driven my parents to drink. And some of my friends to the brink. But love me or hate me....What you see is pretty much what you get.

I am probably my own worst critic for a reason. I have thought about it and I suppose I do expect perfection from myself. A goal that I know is impossible to achieve. But still, I cant help feel the need to go for it anyway.

I am completely opinionated. I love to think about things..I puzzle them out and turn them over..I have to take ideas all apart and see what makes them tick. I think about it all and then the logic comes to me..The reason in a situation..The purpose for the being of it all.

Now granted..This is my own personal logic and not always one shared by the masses. All of whom I do inflict my opinions on quite frequently. But still, if you know me at all..Its just something you expect. If you like me..Its something you live with..And if you love me..Those thoughts and opinions are actually something you love to hate.

The other day..A good friend of mine had the audacity to refer to me as a "Drama Queen". Now I cut the boy some slack, because he obviously had no idea what kind of hole he had just dug for himself by saying these words. TOO ME! Me of all people..Can you believe that? I know I was shocked too.

But if the truth be told...And this is between you and me. I suppose if I try and be objective....I can sort of see how he would think that about me from time to time. Ok yea I can try and see both sides of the coin. I think in images..I speak in descriptions of the pictures I visualize...I write the same way..So if I'm happy I describe the reason for happy...If I'm sad..Well you get the idea.

Oddly enough though sometimes these descriptions depending on how upset I happen to be at the time..Can be very what I would even call dramatic. So ok..That sort of makes me a some what of a drama queen.

I suppose it wouldn't have bothered me so much except I really dislike those who inflict drama. It bugs me that some will stir that sort of thing up just to get noticed. I personally enjoy being in the background..Watching..Listening. I think you learn more that way.

Is it wrong to be opinionated? Is it wrong to want to blend into the background to watch and listen? Is it wrong to sometimes be a drama queen because you get passionate about certain things? I don't know.

Maybe, maybe not....But either way love me or hate me..What you see is what you get.


"ATTENTION ALL READERS THE DRAMA QUEEN HAS NOW LEFT THE BUILDING" (smile)

Light Years, Time Travel And Who Might Be Looking

If you look up into the night sky at all those thousands of stars..Have you ever wondered if some where out there, someone might be looking back at us? Scientists say that most of those stars are billions of light years from where we are. That by the time that light actually reaches us..That some of those stars have long since burned themselves out.

If this is fact...That we are seeing light that indeed happened in the history of that star or star system...That in real time..Those stars may not even exist any longer..Then aren't we seeing evidence of time travel?

If we look up in the night sky seeing light from a place that most likely burned out billions of years before the light actually made it to us..Then we are seeing into the past.

And if by some chance..Someone is out there watching the light that comes from our little solar system...Are they seeing light that came from this place thousands of years ago? Maybe when dinosaurs were still walking on our planet. What would that light look like to them?

Just for the record. I'm not sure I believe in the whole "Area 51" aliens visiting our planet thing. I have relatives who would argue that point. But that's a another story. And a branch of the family tree that Id rather not shake out right now, if you don't mind.

But I do wonder. We are life..So then why would we be the only life? Even if you have a firm belief in God. The bible doesn't say anything about the solar systems outside ours containing life or lack there of.

If our planet is like one grain of sand on a beach as immense as our universe. Then why would we be arrogant enough to think that we are the only grain with life? And if we as life forms are able to change and advance. Then wouldn't we have to assume that there is the possibility that another life form could do the same? Even if that life isn't the same as our own.

Two New Ones That Made Me Say Hmmmmmm

You just cant make this stuff up....Sometimes fact is so much stranger than fiction. Such is the case with this one.

A Tulsa woman at her local Walmart was putting her groceries in her car....When she felt something licking her toes. She immediately thinks of a dog (that would have been my first thought). Until she looks down and sees a strange man laying under her car! Yep that's right..He was the toe licker.

Now maybe its just me being narrow minded here...But is anyone else saying EWWWWWWW right now? I'm sorry but this one creeps me out.

To any of you out there who have a thing for feet. I say live and let live..Just stay out from under my car.



Story Number Two~~


This next story comes from my home state of Florida..A woman in Bradenton has an intruder enter her house through the doggy door. The startled women obviously feeling threatened gets her shotgun and fires off a round at the intruder. The intruder manages to escape with just a flesh wound.

With me so far? Ok here's where we twist off...The intruder was an alligator apparently attracted to the woman's golden retriever..Hence the need for the doggy door. The neighbors hearing the shots called the police. Who after hearing the woman's story, decide to give her a citation.

NOT for shooting a weapon in public..NOT even for maybe shooting an endangered species...Nope..Her ticket was for hunting without a license.

You just gotta love the world we live in.

You Have The Right String Baby But The Wrong Yo Yo

"You Have The Right String Baby But The Wrong Yo Yo". That's a lyric to a song my Dad used to sing when I was a kid..At the time I used to think it was just poor musical taste on his part. But now I think I get its meaning.

Guys you drive me insane!!!! Open your eyes PLEASE! That's not just a pretty bright light in front of you..Its a bus. Stop staring at it like you're a deer.

I see some of my friends repetitively going after the same type of girl over and over again. I see it and I want to shout..STOP! STEP AWAY FROM THE BUS!!! Because ultimately you're just going to wind up under it... I keep thinking..This is an intelligent person..They have to see what this girl is doing.

But noooo you keep coming back for more. Please tell me why? Is it that flippy thing she does with her hair? Is it that eye batting thing? Is it because she can use the word "LIKE" at least 5 times in one sentence? Is it because she smells good? Is it those tight jeans or that low cut whatever? Because I gotta tell you..None of that seems worth the crap you have to put up with to be with this woman.

She is self centered..Self absorbed. She is the typical taker..She is all about you as long as you are doing the giving....When it comes time for you to be on the other end of that stick, where is she? Ill tell you where..Emotionally or physically MIA.

And yet..Time and time again..You are there to wipe up her sniffles if she's sad. You are falling down on the sword to pay her bills, fight her battles, and basically be at her beckon call whenever she's had a bad day and needs someone to tell her she's wonderful and beautiful and needs that ever so cheerful ego boost. So you sit there for hours watching her movies..Talking to her friends..Listening to her stories...Notice a theme here?

YESSSS...Its all about HER. You feel as though you aren't appreciated..You cant understand why she's not nicer to you. How could she be so cold or so inconsiderate? Well..gee why are you surprised? If you think about it..She's been this way from day one..You just didn't want to see it because you had stars in your eyes and dark sunglasses on.... Needed a stick and a seeing eye dog.

This girl is the poster child for bunny boilers. She's the one who puts out their news letter..She's the chapter president. Please for the love of god, take off the glasses and take your life back. She only has power if you give it to her.

Ok I'm stepping down off my soap box now. I said what I had to say and even though it wont make any difference because you are too far gone to hear it..I will be there waiting with shovel in hand to scrap up what's left of you after that bus is gone.

Why? Because that's what friends are for.

The Happy Mothers Day Bad Boys...

I have always had more male friends than female. I just think guys are easier..They are more what you see is what you get. In my life time I do seem to have accumulated my share of what could be called Bad Boys for friends.

I'm not talking about Bad Boys as in..Evil.. Because the simple fact is my Mom wouldn't have tolerated that..The few of those type who tried to set up camp at our house were made unwelcome in no uncertain terms. She made it known she had a shovel and was not opposed to digging a few shallow holes in our backyard for those who don't get the hint. : )

However..My mom does have her weaknesses..And the Bad Boys are one of them. If they are making just enough mischief that keeps them on this side of the law..And they can keep her laughing with that charm that they seem to have in full supply she cant help herself, she falls for them.

During the time in our lives that it was just my mom and I living in our little house..Mom was pretty easy going about people being at the house..She's a night owl..So it never bothered her to see someone drop in late at night or hang out till the wee hours of the morning..As long as she was home and awake..And they respected our family and home..She was pretty easy going. She always felt like shed rather have them all sacked out on our floor than who knows where else getting into trouble.

She didn't condone all their bad behavior all the time..But she also was a realist..She knew they were probably going to party..They were going to get into their share of scuffles. That was just growing up. It wasn't unusual to have them calling the house at midnight to see if we were still up. They wanted to come by for a visit..Or they had a question that they had to talk over with Mom.

We live in a small town...It was sort of funny that my mom had this built in radar or ESP when it comes to knowing who's doing what around town. Not so much with the adults, but she kept pretty plugged into what was going on with the crowd I hung out with. So she knew who was dating who..who was cheating on who...who was just randomly sleeping around..Or in trouble at school or with the law. She never had a problem calling them on any of it..I think that's part of what they liked about her..She was point blank said what she thought or what she knew..And in turn they could say anything to her.

Now that most of the Bad Boys have sort of more or less grown up..Some have even gotten married and now have future little bad boys of their own they are raising..They still see my mom and have to come give her a hug or stop by the house to say hi.

Sunday my mom gets a phone call..Its one of her favorites M...

M: Hi there Miss K..I haven't gotten to talk to you in a while and I thought I better call you and wish you a Happy Mothers Day.

Mom: Awwww thank you sweetie..How are you doing?

M: Good, good can't complain.

Mom: How's school going?..Are you staying out of trouble and keeping your grades up?

M: Schools good..I'm out now for summer...But its all good. You know I turned 21 a few weeks ago..And I guess I'm just slowing down in my old age..I cant do all the stuff I used to anymore...

Mom: (laughing)..Oh I see..Yea sweetie you are getting up there. Its probably just because now your legal and the thrill of that stuff isn't as fun any longer.

M: Yea I think you might be right...I was told that would happen..But I never believed it.

Mom: Well, Jen showed me a few pictures of you just recently on the internet..So it looks like your still having your share of fun. You looked good by the way.

M: On the Internet? Where?

Mom: Well honey I believe it was on several different young ladies web pages..

M: Oh really...... I didn't know that. Huh...

Mom: " You looked like you were still having fun...I believe in a few of the photos you were being licked.

M: Ohhhh Mannnn!...I guess I better check that out. Well it was nice talking to you...Happy Mothers Day..I love you..

Mom: I love you too sweetie...(click..Mom hangs up the phone giggling) I love messing with that boy..That just never gets old.

And somethings never change....lol

The Small Steps

Today was about forgetting the world. It was about 84 degrees of sunny weather and a nice breeze. It was about strapping on the bikini and taking it out to the river for a test run. It was about laying on the bow of a friends boat with a fruity drink in hand and soaking up the sun. While all around me were friends listening to music...swimming....laughing and dancing.

Summers are sort of like that here..There are a huge group of us..We are all river rats..We drag out the boats and all meet in a few choice spots. Sometimes those of us who are a little more connected....Drag a camper down to one or the other of the camp grounds right on the river..and camp weekend after weekend until mid September.....When its time to pack it all up again and drag it back to the house.

Today though I just decided to go and forget about all the things that were getting to me over the last few months and just go with the flow. I have come to realize how lucky I am in so many ways.

After writing my last post about the stress level and pressure I was feeling because of a number of things happening in my life right now.....I had several blog friends step up and offer words of support and a friendly ear to let me vent. In case I haven't told you all yet...That meant a great deal to me that you would offer your support and kindness.

It makes me realize that sometimes when I am not able to see the big picture, because my nose is pressed to close to the glass, that there are some really amazing people out there who are still kind and full of compassion.

Its reminded me again that its always about finding the postitives in life. Even if I don't know what they all are right now. These people are definitely one of them. So thank you guys for everything.

I was also reminded that it may not be all about the huge leaps and bounds that happen in our lives. While sometimes these things do have their significance...They aren't what really matter over all. Even though they may seem huge to us at the moment....they are but blips on the radar screen when we look at the full span of our lives.

I was reminded that maybe its the small steps we take each day that really count the most. Those baby steps that we don't really notice or think of individually...But intimately show what kind of person we are. They are the small kindnesses we show others around us..The polite moments when we go that extra mile to be thoughtful or helpful. Its the times we decide to be honest or work hard..Or stand up and try again when we are knocked down. Its the times we look for those positives in a situation even when we think there's not any way there could be one. But we still try.

These things I think are what tell the story of the kind of person we are. The kind of contribution we make to the world around us. Because even if we don't notice these small gestures or acts in ourselves..Somewhere there is someone around us who has.

Thine Own Worst Enemy

Personal Note: I'm not sure if I will have the courage to hit publish when I finish this post. I suppose I wont know until the last word is written. I think I'm starting to understand what my mother meant by owning your mistakes and standing up to accept them. I guess that's part of becoming an adult. I just didn't realize how hard it was going to be...But then no one promised it would be easy....

If you have ever wanted to see a woman self destruct before your very eyes...Pull up a chair..I feel that the "BIG KABOOM" is just moments away. I have had a lot of thoughts, feelings and fears all sort of bubbling under the surface for a while now. I think part of me felt if I just ignored them they would eventually go a way. But they're not.

This has no order, so where do I start? I feel like I have no control over my emotions lately. I'm on this roller coaster of highs and lows. I have succeeded in pushing away the people who most care about me. Partly because I cant stand to let them see me this weak. I know that sounds pretty vain. I hate it that I have to admit to that, but its true none the less.

My family not only thinks I'm blowing off my future for "school girl" type day dreams, but have become concerned that I may have something physically wrong with me. That thought alone makes me angry and scared. I'm angry that they would the audacity to even suggest it..Scared because I have already thought the same thing myself.

I cant go to the one person in this world who knows me and gets me better than anyone else with all of these thoughts....Not because he's not available to me..On the contrary..He wants more than anything to help right now and keeps offering his hand. But I cant accept it. I feel like if I tell him all the details, he will feel as though he is partly to blame for my situation. He isn't..But he will still see it that way. I cant tell him because I'm embarrassed with myself, I feel like most of the mistakes were stupid ones and of my own making. I cant because I'm afraid, what if its more than stress and stupidity on my part that's put me here, what if there is something physical involved here? What then?

I cant because I know he has enough going on right now in his own life with out heaping my little dramas onto the pile. I wont do that to him. I cant because deep down I feel as though I'm whining. I'm being a big baby about some of this..That I should suck it up and get tough. I'm just not sure how.

I'm still bothered by seeing my friend get stabbed in front of me a couple months ago. I'm bothered by the image of the knife blade shining in the light of the parking lot. I'm bothered because I did nothing..That there was nothing I could have done. I want to help and tell what I saw. I think the guy who did this deserves to be punished for what he did. But the idea of sitting there in front of lawyers, a judge, a jury and the defendant gets to me. It didn't happen to me..I was just the spectator. But I'm changed since it happened. It bothers me that I'm not the same any more.

I'm angry with myself for not knowing what I want. For letting things slide for so long..For not giving the best of what I know is in me to achieve my goals. For feeling apathetic about moving forward.

I do not like this feeling of not having control. I don't like this feeling of weakness. I hate this part of who I am and who I seem to becoming. Its not just letting down the people who expect more of me..Its the inner knowledge that I know I'm not giving it my best either.

I don't know if any of this even makes sense to anyone as I write it down. How can I make myself understood clearly about how I feel when I have no clarity in my own mind?

I think in pictures. I put all my thoughts in order with those pictures. I organize and examine all of them to come up with my own personal answers and order of things. But right now..My mind is just static...A buzz of jumbled thoughts and feelings with no clear understanding of why its like that. Its frustrating.

Why blog about this?....Because to me this is my way of letting it go..Of saying it out loud and admitting it to myself. Even if it makes me look like a head case right now..At least its out there and for some reason...That sort of feels like a weight lifted.

Blogging Out Loud

Tonight is one of those nights that I'm lost in thought. I know most people are out with friends or on a date tonight. Its Friday night after all...Isn't that what your supposed to do on Friday night? But not me, I'm home alone...In the quiet...Just thinking.

I have been told that I think to much. That I over analyze. I suppose there is some truth to this. But its at times like this...When I am alone that I am able to get the most clarity. I can organize my thoughts and think of all the what ifs.

I admit lately I feel sort of lost. I'm wondering where my place is in this world. Its not the first time I've felt like this over the past year...But usually the feeling passes. Lately though its hanging there like this cloud. I feel like I have been swimming as hard and fast as I can, but am going nowhere. So I have to ask, am I just treading water or am I slowly circling the drain.

I'm sometimes afraid it may be the later.

I have a few choices in front of me. But for the first time I truly have no idea which direction to go into...I have things pulling at me from different directions for very different reasons. What do you do if your heart and your head are in opposition? Do you do the logical practical thing.... Or do you throw caution away...Follow your heart and jump into the deep end of the pool?

I Stand Corrected.....

I had several guys read the last post about "nice guys"...And then give me feed back about the whole nice guy label. After hearing their points of view, maybe its my definition of what a nice guy is that's in error.

It doesn't seem to be that any of these men have a problem being decent guys...Most of them were raised that way. (Thank you to their Moms) They know the difference between right and wrong...They still can hear that voice in their head that makes them think about fairness and honesty. If you aren't hearing that little voice any longer..I'm referring to that thing called a conscious.

So what's the problem you ask? Well its in the perception. To a guy if your considered a nice guy by the opposite sex then you aren't appealing. They believe that women are ultimately attracted to the more bad boy type. That being labeled as nice only means you are either thought of as wimpy or delegated to friend status or even worse a doormat.

This got me thinking...Could they be right? I had to start thinking about what it is that attracts me to a guy. Its definitely not looks alone..But I fully admit that I am a normal human and that is probably the first thing I do notice. Although I will tell you in all seriousness...That I have dealt with pretty before...And trust me..Pretty is sometimes highly over rated.

So what is it that gets me hooked. Its not about them being dangerous. I know some women are very attracted to that type. That's just not me...But I do love a guy whose got a brain..If he can talk to me intelligently...That's very attractive. I love a good sense of humor. If a guy can make me laugh he is solid gold...If he can laugh at himself even better. I don't mind one being slightly cocky or sarcastic..As long as its in moderation and they don't take themselves too seriously. A little sass can be fun, especially if there is a give and take that goes with it.

But I suppose...The biggest thing isn't something you can really put your finger on...Its something about the way he carries himself...Its this quiet confidence or inner strength he gives off...Its not something he has to tell you about...It just shows....Its this firm knowledge that he may be easy going..But he wont be pushed. He wont take anyone's crap not even mine.

If that by definition makes him more of a bad boy. Because he is strong...Then I guess that I am just as guilty as my friends say I am of being attracted to it.

If I am guilty of what they say, I honestly never thought about it like that..Because to me inner strength is just part of the package...He also will...Treat me with respect. Not because he's forced to...But because he wants to. He's flirtatious without being crude...He's playful and kind..And he makes me feel beautiful because of the way he sees me as a person.

Maybe some of those reasons seem sort of self centered. But I'm trying to be honest here. Most of us want someone who value us. Someone who sees us as special to them. Sometimes isn't that the biggest attraction? Seeing ourselves through someone else's eyes?

To those nice guys out there...Hang in there..I'm not the only one who can appreciate your qualities. Who looks for those things and values them.

I just wont insult you by calling you a nice guy any more...LOL

Hey Nice Guy...Step Away From The Spork

It seems somehow its become a bad thing to refer to a guy as a "nice guy". I realized my mistake when speaking to one of my friends online. A friend who I truly do think is great by the way...As a "good guy". And dear lord help me, but then I made things worse when I further stated that he was a "sweetheart".

It was then I got the gut wrenching reply "NOOOOAA don't say I'm a nice guy". There was also something said that it was not good being a sweetheart either...And then there was talk of cutting that sweetheart goodness out with a rusty spork.

This verbal drama was not lost on me...I thought I was paying him a compliment...When did being a good guy become bad? In a world filled with players, jerks and all around dick heads...I don't see nice as bad thing. But apparently I did the equivalent of spitting on this his manhood. For that I apologize, I had no idea.

I had thought that maybe this was just an isolated incident...And that maybe this friend was just a little more Jaded that other guys...But this is not so...When mentioning this response to another guy...He not only confirmed that being called a Nice Guy was a bad thing...But also referred to the dread that's experienced from hearing those words come from any girl.

I have to blame the dreaded Bunny Boiler for this response. It seems that most good guys don't mind being the good guy until the meet up with their first Bunny Boiler. She does what a Bunny Boiler does best...Lures the nice guy to her...Then proceeds to make him believe she is just a normal girl...And not only that, but a good girl too. Once she has him in love and pretty much willing to throw himself under a bus for her. She tortures him relentlessly with subtle mind games until she either breaks him or gets bored and moves on to her next challenge. This leaves what's left of the Nice Guy bruised, battered and sporting a less that good attitude where women are concerned.

So that even when the next girl does come along...Even if she happens to be a real good girl...Nice guy no longer trusts his judgment and is automatically on the defensive...Or either unwilling to let anyone get close enough to do any damage again.

I would put the Bunny Boilers of the world on notice. But the sad truth of the matter is that it wouldn't mean a thing coming from me..Bunny Boilers see girls like me as just a simple speed bump. Something that could slow them down but not stop them from their goal of what ever guy they have their sights set on. I am just the friend watching the train wreck occur. Then attempting to help patch up the damage in the aftermath.

I suppose no one is immune to being taken advantage of when the heart is involved. It just seems sad you have to assume guilt with someone until proven innocent, to keep from being played. Its also really sad that its become a bad thing to be a "Nice Guy".

The Monsters Under The Bed

I remember being afraid of monsters when I was a kid. I recall feeling weird about letting my legs or arms dangle over the edge of my bed at night. Or feeling uneasy about the darkness of my closet. I remember watching the Steven King movie IT for all of about 30 minutes when I was about 5 years old. Until my mom noticed that I was there and made me go and play. That's all it took though, was that 30 minutes.....From then on, I plugged every drain in the house anytime I was near one. I still to this day don't like clowns.

I think most kids wonder what's under their beds at night..Or something similar, at one time or another...Most have probably hidden their heads under a blanket or turned on a nightlight to keep the darkness away.

Its not until we become adults that we realize you cant keep the monsters of the world away with a nightlight. Its then when we are grown that we know that monsters are real in this world and they do walk among us every day.

The real Monsters come in all shapes and sizes. They wear many faces, come from many places. They can be male or female, old or young. Some have themselves disguised in friendly faces. Some we think of as family. Some have bombs....Or guns...Or fists....Or words that they use against us. But there is one thing they all have in common. Just like any predator, the monsters of the world prey on those who are smaller or weaker than themselves.

I think on a daily basis most of us try not to think about the monsters being out there. Its just easier that way. Lets face it...Its one thing to suspect there might be a monster under our bed...Its another to know for a fact he's there. Its the confirmation of his existence that keeps us from sleeping peacefully at night.

Its not because we don't care that we sometimes look the other way to avoid seeing the monsters. Its not because we are bad people. Its because we sometimes lack the courage it takes to deal with them. Its the same kind of fear that makes us look the other way from the bully on the play ground....In hopes that he wont be drawn toward us.

Looking into the monsters eyes takes a lot of inner strength. It takes a special person to be able to do that day in and day out. It takes someone who maybe be just as afraid of the monsters as we are...But realizes that someone has to be willing to slay them.

Some feel its always better to walk softly and avoid using that big stick. Normally, I would have to agree. After all we are a civilized society. We should be able to use reason and logic to settle a problem, shouldn't we?

If we were not dealing with Monsters the above ideas would probably work. But the problem with logic and reason and civilized conversation...Is that monsters do not care. They do not feel your desire to talk things out with them. They do not worry if you are feeling threatened or do not wish to be harmed. They have one thing only that motivates them.....And that is their own need. A Monster does what he does for his own reasons...Its not logical or reasonable.

Whether we like it or not...Whether we want to say it out loud or admit it quietly to ourselves...Monsters do exist in this world. Just because we choose not to look under the bed doesn't mean they aren't there.

To the men and women who have to deal with the monsters every single day. Who have the courage to do the job that I myself cant. I want to say thank you.

The Bunny Ritual

They dress you up in a big poofy dress..Made from some sort of pastel colored scratchy stiff material..Hence the poofyness of it...

Put huge bows in your hair.... Big enough to pick up TV stations in third world countries.....And patent leather shoes on your little feet......

Then they have you run all over a yard, to look for eggs that they have colored in colors no self respecting chicken would claim. Harmless you say? Have you ever tried to run in wet grass with patent leather on your feet?

Then to add insult to injury...They expect you to believe that a large rabbit left all these eggs for you to find, not to mention a basket chalked full of every kind of chocolate goody you can imagine.

Just when you think its finally gotten good...You're mom tells you that you can only have one piece.

WHAT?!!???

Have you ever noticed that even though you are restricted to only one piece...That the contents of the basket seems to mysteriously shrink from morning to morning? I remember quite clearly telling my mom on a number of occasions that I really didn't care for jelly beans...Her reply was "sure you do..They are good". It seems to me that she was the only one who liked them. Those too mysteriously disappeared from my basket...

Coincidence I think not!

Then at some point usually before the egg ordeal...... You attend church with the family... And are forced to sit in same scratchy yet still remarkably poofy dress. On a hard wooden pew....That creaks anytime you decide to move. Drawing the attention of the entire congregation to you...Which in turn draws attention from your mother...Not a place you want to be in church.

You sit there for hours listening to old people sing off key hymns and learn that about a billion years ago...The Son of God was dead and then did rise from the grave.....

Miracle or Sci-fi channel?

Sad thing is...Someday when I have a daughter I will probably stuff her into a scratchy poofy dress...Slap some big bows on her head..Strap patent leather shoes to her little feet and march her off to look for eggs from the mysterious and elusive bunny.

Don't you just love holiday traditions..


Side Note: My personal favorite Easter tradition involves a hollow chocolate bunny and a can if whip cream.....You do the math

Candy Little Girl?

I'm sitting here right now sort of laughing...I am torn between the inventiveness and free enterprise system... V.S. The have you lost your freaking mind side of the coin.

Alameda County, that's in sunny California for those of you who don't own a map or care...Is considering banning the new candy produced by a company under Corona.. Its called Chronic Candy.

Its tag line is... Get this... "Every lick is like taking a hit". WHY? Because all these assorted goodies...Such as gum balls, lollipops and chocolates with names such as Hydro or Sticky Icky Buds.....Taste like...Yep, you guessed it!...Marijuana.

They do have a website for those of you who like to surf. Featuring their products along with a very pimped out gentleman and a young lady sporting some very short shorts that expose most of her ass. Not sure what that has to do with candy. But I guess sex sells.....And apparently so does drug flavored candy.

The company says...That the goodies are flavored with Hemp Oil but does not contain THC. Which as I am sure most of you already know gives Pot its Buzzzzzzzzzzzz. The company is going all out to promote this new treat. Using spokes persons like Snoop Dogg and Paris Hilton to sell their flavorful buzz free confections.

The Alameda Board of Supervisors is proposing to ban the new goodies...saying it promotes illegal behavior and improperly influences teens and young adults. Maybe they have a point. If you recall back in the day, "They"...I mean candy manufacturers made candy cigarettes for kids. Of course back then smoking was the thing to do...and kids liked emulating their parents. When we took the Marboro Man and Joe the Camel out of view of children, we also did away with any candy or cartoon that promoted smoking to kids.

But you gotta love the creativity of Chornic Candy....They state that the candy is meant for use by adults. And it should be used as a family teaching tool to open discussion about the dangers of drug use.

LMAO

"Yes Little Timmy...Mommy and Daddy are indeed enjoying this flavorful and tasty pot flavored lollipop...Now that you meantion it...Lets discuss drugs".

The question that pops into my mind...Is anyone really that stupid? Or better yet how dumb do you think your kids are?

Hey they got my attention...if for no other reason.....Id just like to see how you get there from here...lol

Just Thinking Again...

Relationships are like a bon fire....They burn the brightest and hottest when first kindled. The flames from that fire are the highest in the beginning when the fire is new. Even after time...when the flames dwindle...new fuel can be added to keep the fire going.

But everything has to be fed. Nothing exists on its own. Just as a fire needs new fuel and oxegen to exist. A relationship has to have that mutual fuel of emotional contact to continue to thrive. Its that circle...that feeding of one person to another that keeps it alive.

If you dont have that...Just as with a fire..it will continue to burn only as long as there is something to fuel it, but without that, eventually it starts to die.

I had always thought myself to be a fairly strong person. But I have come to see that I have the very human weakness of needing that fuel. I need the emotional contact...that quiet, often simple emotional link that is the fuel that keeps me going.

Being the fixer that I am by nature....Realizing this simple truth....makes me feel sad and sort of helpless. There are somethings that werent meant to be fixed alone. If I try to look for the postitive in all this it would be...That I would rather have had this fire in my life even for a brief time than....never to have known it at all.

Love is a friendship that has caught fire.
It is quiet understanding,
mutual confidence,
sharing and forgiving.
It is loyalty through good and bad.
It settles for less than perfection,
and makes allowances for human weakness.
Love is content with the present.
It hopes for the future and it doesn't brood over the past.
It's the day-in and day-out chronicle of irritations, problems, compromises,
small disappointments, big victories, and working toward common goals.

If you have love in your life,
it can make up for a great many things you lack.
If you don't have it,
no matter what else there is,
it is not enough.

~Author Unknown~

Back In The Saddle

To those of you who might think I have abandoned my blog...Not so. I have been sort of feeling as though the things I have to say aren't worth writing about lately. That maybe I'm just doing the little self pity dance. I'm thinking lately that its time to get off the dance floor and back to it.

Truth is...I have also sort of been inspired by a friend of mine. This person has some "internet difficulties" where they are right now. So they send me their posts and I publish them to their blog for them. It feels good to help out a friend and it makes me feel very James Bondish in a strange sort of way. To know I get to possess the forbidden password and that I get to secretly read everything first before it hits the general public.

This friend of mine is a pretty talented writer and is picking up quite a following of readers to his blog...I can tell the longer he writes the better his writing is becoming. He has a very visual way of writing that makes you be able to understand exactly how he felt when he was in the situation he was writing about.

This is something I can relate to...Because that's how I think. I think totally and completely in pictures. I am and always have been a visual learner. If I wanted to remember something in school I had to not only picture it in my mind but then probably set up some sort of trigger that would call up the information at a later time.

I believe they are called Neumonic Devices. But for someone like me...Its just the key to that door that unlocks what I saved there for a later time.

I think this is why I see most of life in analogies...I compare life's twists and turns to actual things...I see the comparisons in Nature or the physical with the emotional side of life.

So to those of you who read this or at least used to before I dropped off the radar...The analogy queen is back. Lets see if she has something to say this time.