Falling From Grace

I recently fell from grace ...So if you heard that thud out there in cyber space...Don't be alarmed it was just me falling on my ass. It wasn't a simple fall either it was one of those kind that you hit hard with out being able to catch yourself or slow down the fall....When I fell...I took someone I cared for very deeply down with me in the process. This isn't something I am proud of. I'm not proud of myself for my behavior and I'm not proud of what my actions did to him. If you can feel ashamed of yourself more than I do or did...I find it hard to believe.


This past year I feel like I have done a lot of soul searching and asked myself a lot of difficult questions..About things that I would never want to have admit aloud. I guess everyone does this from time to time..Has their own private attitude adjustment.

There seems to be one thing that holds true with everyone..You can paint whatever kind of picture of yourself you want to show the outside world..... But deep down inside our core selves...We can not lie...And we know who and what we are.

I have had to admit to myself and to him to having some pretty big flaws in my character..Something I'm not happy about nor proud of. I had thought at one point that I was over a lot of this sort of thing and that I had grown past it..But when put to the test..I failed it.

I still love the person I pulled down with me...In my eyes he still is amazing and incredible. He just looks more human to me than he did before. Unfortunately Its not as easy to forgive myself.

I sometimes wonder how long it takes us before we can put the past behind us once and for all..What exactly do we have to do to finally rid ourselves of fears or old hurts that keep us from moving forward and repeating old mistakes?

I am approaching this New Year with more questions than I had before..And wondering how do I go about finding answers to them all.

Special Note: To all of you who have become friends as well as fellow bloggers and to those of you just passing through. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year. Thank you for stopping by and reading.

Yes There Is A Santa Claus

I remember very clearly the day I came home and told my mom that I had heard that their was no Santa Claus...

She was standing at the kitchen sink working on something for dinner...I was in there talking to her about my day ...Anything and everything that had happened.. Things to which she always listened to and joined into the conversation..Everything from "Are teachers supposed to smell like that? To... "Will paste really make your insides sticky if you eat it"?

These are all serious questions when your young..At this age, you realize that all the things you learn on the playground may not be completely accurate, but there is probably some grain of truth to them..

So when I ran the whole "No Santa" issue by her..I expected a stronger reaction than the one I got...Her lack of shock and or surprise all by itself made me curious...First of all let me say..I already suspected this was no rumor...I was getting to that age where I was looking at things from a more logical point of view..And the whole Santa story just didn't add up in a lot of ways. But I was also..Not wanting to look at it to closely...I was still content with the idea of Santa and Christmas.

I had thought about just letting it slide since mom really didn't comment much on it...But curiosity..Which has always been my downfall got the better of me. Soo I asked her..."Do you believe that's true"?

This is what she told me...

She said that Santa was there for children...And that when children got older and grew up sometimes they stopped believing in the same things they did when they were little...

BUT...(and here's the loophole).....As long as a child believed in Santa...That they continued to get presents from Santa..And when and if they stopped believing, they still got presents..It was just that they got them from their Mom and Dad....
(A HUH..Wheels turning)

Ok now...I wasn't the brightest kid...But even I could do the math on this one.....Santa + Mom and Dad....Or just Mom and Dad....HMMMMMMM.....This seemed to be a no brainer....So that's when I decided that I was going to continue to believe in Santa regardless of the stories or evidence to the contrary..

To this day if you ask me is there a Santa....I will tell you "OH YES THERE IS"!!
And if we can get the bats out of the chimney...Ill be looking for him again this year.

When Its Real

When its real how do you know? This is what I think.

When its real, it shouldn't be hard. It should be something that's easy, that you don't have to struggle to make work each and every day.

It should be something that gives you an inner peace. It should be something that leaves you with no doubts.

It is a friendship that has caught on fire. It gives trust, kindness, respect and love and in turn, expects nothing.

It should lift you up, make you feel as though you can do anything, because they believe you can.

It is quiet patience and understanding for the small human flaws we all have. It is not selfish. It puts you first as a priority.

It is a fire that is fueled by a mutual practice of all these things. It provides a strong base for the rest of life to be built upon.

I suppose not everyone in the world is looking for the perfect something...There are plenty of people out there right now content with their singleness. I see no problem with being single. But there also seems to be a large group who are looking...Looking for that perfect someone...... That perfect relationship...... That perfect something to make their lives complete.

I will be the first one to tell you I am a hopeless romantic. I am sentimental to the core..I save every movie ticket, every dead flower, every card, etc. Because to me these are the real things. Its not the "Stuff" we think we have to have from others, that's supposed to say "I love you" when given or received. To me the birthday card that had a hand written heart felt message, with added illustrations was more precious to me than any "Stuff" I could have received. But this is me.. And this is what matters to me and what I consider real.

There are so many different personality types in this world. Not everyone wants the same types of things from a relationship or a partner. Is it wrong because some do not want the romance of it...They prefer the security of the material or monetary. To them having someone provide them with the comforts of life is a show of affection or love. Just because its not what I would look for, does this make it wrong?

I am coming to realize that everyone has different needs and wants from life. What those happen to be, are based on how we were raised and our life experiences. What may seem as a deal breaker to me, would not seem so to another person.

I still have no sympathy for the BUNNY BOILERS out there who are cutting huge swath through the single population. Laying to waste those with good kind hearts and forever changing them into the mistrusting and bitter. I hope someday they find a cure to your type of virus and people will be immune to you.

But until they do I hope that those of you out there who have had to deal with those train wrecks in your lives...I hope that you don't let those people ruin your hearts. Its difficult not to harden, to protect yourself, in case there is a next time. But if you do this...What else do you keep yourself from? Possibilities? What if you have to be open to hurt before you can find the real thing?

If that's the case...Isn't it worth it? To me it is....What about you?

From The Inside Out....

What is it about a person that makes them attractive to us? Is it their eyes, their smile, their legs or chest? What if we weren't able to see someone and get a first impression from the way they looked to us?

That may sound like a shallow question. But I have had both males and females tell me..While its true they want someone with a good personality, there has to be that physical attraction.

Does there really? This is my thinking..

You are walking down the street..You see this incredibly beautiful female...In your eyes she is very attractive...So you take the next step and make eye contact or try and speak to her. If she seems receptive, then you possibly proceed to the next step. Which is what? Talking or maybe even asking her out? But what if this goddess opens her mouth and speaks and you find out she is the most rude, self centered, airheaded, B*tch.....You have ever had the pleasure of talking to. Is she still beautiful? Or did your feelings and opinion change because of how she behaved?

Or you meet another girl on the same street. This girl isn't scare little children ugly, but more of a plain Jane. Not the you light up my life beauty of the first girl... She passes you on the same street, but because she's not really your type...You don't bother to make eye contact or try and say Hi. In short, you don't take that first initial step toward meeting and speaking to find out who she is and what she's like. But what if girl number two is incredible? She's intelligent and funny, kind, caring, respectful, has good morals, and values. She loves sports, is into all the things you find enjoyable. And last but not least....She wants all the same kinds of things you want from life and views the world similar to the way you do. But because she wasn't you're type you never ever said the first word..Hi.

I have to wonder if it wouldn't be better if we all had the chance to meet backwards. I know a woman who met her husband online. It was a chance meeting and I wont go into all those details now.. I will just say that they met and hit it off immediately. They found after chatting only a short time that they had quite a lot of things in common in the way they viewed the world. To the point of almost finishing each others sentences. They both spoke pretty frequently over the next year. Pretty much every day. It wasn't until they had known each other a while, that my friend got up enough nerve to exchange photos with this person. It wasn't so much that she didn't want to share her photo...Although that was part of it...But she also wasn't sure if she wanted to know what he looked like. Its like reading a book and then seeing the same book made into a movie.. Sometimes you get disappointed because the characters in the movie are nothing like the way you pictured them to be.

But this chatting back and forth about everything under the sun had started some deep feelings for both of them and she felt as though she were falling in love with this person..And he had similar feelings for her. They finally exchanged a few photos...And to be honest...He wasn't an ugly guy by any means but....he wasnt exactly her type either...If he had passed her on the street I do not think she would have said "Oh Id really like to meet that guy". And truthfully...I think it was pretty much the same for him too...Not the type of female he was usually attracted to. But they had already grown to care about each other. Past the point of it really mattering that they weren't their ideal physical types.

Long story, short....They spoke online for a year before they met each other in person...They lived about 1500 miles apart. Then after the first face to face meeting...They continued to meet...Traveling back and forth for another year....Before becoming engaged...Then they did this again for another year...Before actually getting married. After the marriage he relocated himself to her state where they live now and have been for the past 4 years...Happily married...

The thing that always strikes me about this story is...She used to tell me that she met her husband backwards...She met him from the inside out.....That idea got me thinking...How many people do we pass on because the first view of them says they are not our type?...Or for that matter how many crappy relationships do we get in and stay in because we are physically attracted to the other person enough to be infatuated with them...And convince ourselves its love?

Maybe its not about the physical at all..Maybe true beauty is within...Maybe we need to try and meet a few people backwards.

Dumbing Down

I will admit there was a time I was uncomfortable with the way I spoke. When I was a kid my parents never spoke down to me..They spoke as if I were an adult and would understand the big words they used. If I didn't, they took the time to make a statement and then say..What this means is.......And maybe use a more simple way of phrasing it. But guess what...In doing this, I developed a better than average vocabulary.

The problem is when your with you're peers and most of them don't speak in complete sentences let alone big words. You get a lot of "Huh?" What does that mean? For a kid who liked blending in...It got a little embarrassing. So I would dumb down my conversation skills.

"Like you know, I just took out all the big words. Then like people understood me better. Ya know?"

One day my mom said "Why are you talking like that?" So I explained my problem to her..She said never be ashamed of being intelligent enough to understand the meaning of words or things. She felt that part of the problem with some of my friends wasn't lack of intelligence on their part, but laziness and bad habits. If you don't use it you loose it, sort of thing.

I thought about what she said and I realized she was right. I looked at a few of the girls I knew..I know what classes they took..They were in the same honors classes I was in..They made good grades.. I knew they weren't stupid..Yet they wanted to talk like they were. I also noticed it happened more often when they were around the opposite sex.

Well that's when I said " Screw it" I am who I am..I talk the way I talk..And if they don't like it oh well, so be it.

I have heard talk of lowering the standards for our testing system so that little Jimmy's self esteem wont be shattered when he fails a test. To me this is the most stupid idea that has ever come out of our educational system and that is saying something.

To me the entire point of education is to raise the bar..To push ourselves to take in more knowledge. The point of testing on subjects is to see if the knowledge being taught is being absorbed by the student...If all we worry about is that little Jimmy feels badly because he hasn't passed a test on material he hasn't been able to grasp for whatever reason. Then in my opinion we do a bigger disservice to him than hurting his little self esteem.

Isn't it far more important to understand that not everyone learns the same? That we shouldnt have some sort of cookie cutter method of teaching. Not everyone can grasp material in the same way..Sometimes it takes a creative approach to be able to get a student to understand the information. Teachers, because they are teachers should be willing and open minded enough to explore other methods of exposing their students to this information...After all isn't that the main purpose of being a student and a teacher...TO TEACH AND TO LEARN.. Why should the method matter as long as the end result is there.

In school I usually made fairly decent grades. If I didn't there was usually a reason why. It could have been the subject being taught...Math and I are not on good terms....It could have been me screwing around instead of doing my work....Or it could have been the teacher not connecting with the way I learned. I personally am a visual learner......I need to be able to associate the information with a picture or idea in my mind so I can recall the fact at a later time. If I am sitting in a classroom listening to a teacher drone on and on with facts and figures with out this visual association being made...The information is completely lost on me.

Its not just the responsibility of the educational system alone to provide a child with knowledge...Its also the parents...Maybe even more so than the teachers...Because as a parent I think you have a larger stake in the outcome of your child's education than anyone else in this world.

I believe the fact my parents took the time to read to me, and speak to me the way they did had an effect on me, one of the end results was that I had a pretty good vocabulary. While strangely enough, reading is not my thing.... I do like writing.

I wont say that I still don't use slang when I speak. Occasionally I do, but I'm not worried if anyone thinks I'm weird any longer because I know some words with more than four letters.

Whats wrong with having a brain and not being ashamed to use it?

Prejudice: An opinion, favorable or unfavorable ( more often the latter), formed without a fair examination of the facts; bias, v.t. to bias, to influence, to injure.

We hear the word prejudice and we automatically assume race is involved... But this is not necessarily the case. Prejudice can be about many things...Such as a persons education or lack their of.. Are they rich or poor..Are they fat or thin..Are they old or young...Male or female, gay or straight? We have literally hundreds of prejudices whether we want to see them as that or not..

Lately some of my fellow bloggers have posted some really good posts regarding this issue...Without trying to wear out an already discussed topic..It has provoked me to start thinking about what makes a prejudice and why we feel this way.
One blogger...Jenn, from her blog Jenius...Says in the last line of her post..."Racism isn't born its taught"..

The more I thought about this the more I knew she was completely right. But how do we get through life with out some sort of prejudices? We are taught not only by our parents and families, but also through our peers. We learn from our surroundings...And we form views based on our experiences in life. Most of us are taught to try and be considerate of others differences no matter what those differences happen to be...

But I still think no matter how hard we try...We still deep with in us hold onto some prejudices. I'm not sure there is a way to be completely free of them no matter how open minded or how tolerant we are..

The question is..If we could do this...Should we? Should we be tolerant of those groups that as individuals we find morally offensive to us. Such as those who advocate hate? Should we be tolerant of those who instill fear in us of another group because they are different in thoughts, words and deeds? Or are these not real prejudices because we are making opinions based not in bias but informed views?

What do you think?

Parents

Today I'm slightly annoyed...Wanna know why? First of all... Let me say, I have never been a parent..I have been a child who has parents, so this is the extent of my personal first hand knowledge of this subject. So I'm going to say right up front this is solely my opinion.

I think there was a reason that God or the higher power decided to create a human using one sperm and one egg...And that the sperm and the egg would come from two totally different individuals. Because I firmly believe that parenting was meant to be a tag team event. That it would most likely require two adults at the top of their game to raise and guide the brain challenged little creatures they produced into becoming semi normal adults.

Having said this....I realize that there are a lot of families out there for what ever reason who are single parents...To those of you who fit into this category..And who take the job seriously...I applaud you..YOU have my utmost respect and admiration for the difficult job you do every single day. Raising a child or children is probably the most challenging job there is in this world and to do it alone...Well you have to be tough.

I also realize that due to the world being as it is...And the economy being what it is...That not only do single parents have to step outside the home to work, that some two parent family's find they also need two incomes to make ends meet... It doesn't make you any less of a caring parent and the plain truth is..YOU have to do what you have to do..

I have every intention of going to school...Hopefully getting a decent job when I'm through. If things work out, I plan on working right along side my guy to help build a life for the two of us....As long as there are no children in the picture, why not? I think we should share this. However..When and if we become parents...Far down the road...He and I have talked about it and we would prefer it if one of us could stay home with the kids at least until they have started school. I think raising kids is a pretty important job. If our family can financially do this. We should. I think if we are going to have them, then we should make every effort to raise them. My guy feels the same way. We both had a stay at home parent for a portion of our lives and it was good thing.

That was still not the part that got me annoyed...Sorry...Here goes..

I had someone make a comment to me the other day, that they couldn't see themselves waste their lives staying at home to be a mother and wife....That they were far to intelligent to sit around the house doing nothing that couldn't be better done by a maid. OHHHHH NOOOO...This is the part that got me boiling! A maid?!!! First of all, my Mom will be the first one to tell you up front she was not put on this earth to be anyone's maid..Growing up, She has informed me on more than one occasion that if we are part of a family that everyone in the family had a responsibility to help around the house...And this most definitely means picking up after yourself. If this person thinks that all there is to keeping a family going is housework they have no idea what they are talking about..

Parenting requires so many various job skills there are too many to mention...But here are just a few...Doctor, Banker, Cook, Chauffeur, Diplomat, Spiritual Advisor, Repairman,Teacher, Counselor, Detective, Therapist, Disciplinarian, Fashion Critic and Stylist. This is just a small few that are used on a daily basis. If you got the sum total salaries of all these jobs put together, you could never afford to pay a mother or should I say parent to stay at home and take care of your kids...

A MAID? All I can say to this person...Do all of us and the world a favor..Do not reproduce..

The world has enough problems.

No Trick Or Treat Prank.....

I have never seriously considered suicide as an answer to my problems..I suppose maybe I have never had anything that I felt was so mind shattering or heart breaking in my life as to think of this as on option. As a child getting angry with my parents or with friends, I have said those words to myself..."I wish I was dead". But to me that statement was made as more in an adolescent drama than because I really truly felt that way. So considering all the things I have been through in my life so far..I suppose I can count myself lucky. While I can say this for myself...I do know a few people who at a point in their lives had more than just a random thought as to the possibility of trying something like this as a solution to their problems....

One friend had lost a brother in an accident earlier that year....I will say he had some problems going on in his life before this...But the death kinda kicked things up a notch for him. He managed to seek counseling instead of suicide.

Then earlier this year...We had three actual suicides in our town...These were persons all in the middle school age group...Around 13. They all hung themselves. Each of them was believed to be done accidentally.....As part of a participation in an Internet game that uses suicide as a way to increase sexual climax.....I'm not even going to go into that one.

I also know one woman..Who is my mothers age. In her family, suicide seems to be a tradition. I have stated this before, that some people would have been better off being raised by wolves. Well here is a good example of such a family. This woman lost an Aunt and Uncle to suicide...Before finding her mother one day when she came home from work. Then later that year she comes home again, This time to find her brother had followed in moms footsteps. Later, the following year, her father....Who I should add was divorced from the mother and had been for years...And didn't live with any of the family....Also attempted to commit suicide, but failed..And survived.

Now what prompts an entire family for generations to use this as a solution to life's problems? My mom said that when she had spoken to this woman about it. Her feelings on it were..."It was Gods will"...That if God didn't want them to die he would have stopped it..Because God can do anything.

In my opinion there are not enough hours in this day or money in this world for therapy to unwrap this twisted theory. But I will say this...It is my understanding that God can indeed do anything. But he has also given each human something special...Its called Freedom of choice..We can decide, Do we follow or do we abandon him and go our own way..

You could be wondering what has gotten me on this subject of suicide...Well it was reading this article today..If you have ever wondered if there is a good or bad time to contemplate suicide...The answer is NO there is never a good time.....But especially this close to Halloween. A 42 year old woman decided suicide was her only option late Tuesday night or early Wednesday morning.. She hung herself from a tree on moderately busy road, across the street from several homes...She was about 15 feet above the ground and could easily be seen by passing motorists...The suicide was not reported because those who saw the woman assumed it was a Halloween decoration...It wasn't until many hours later that police were called...One of the neighbors said they had seen her at breakfast time, but just assumed it was something someone had rigged up for the holiday.

I'm not even going to comment on that one any further...I have always like Halloween..Not all the blood and guts of the Holiday..I'm not really into gore..I just like the costumes the spooky kind of scareness of it all...And of course the free candy.. So to end on a better note...I hope everyone has a safe and Happy Halloween.

What's You're Dream?

We live in the land where dreams come true. Or that's the what the bumper stickers say right?..."The American Dream". I had always thought that meant wealth and success..The older I get the more I realize that not all dreams are money based. And success is a matter of perspective.

Money is nice...But its never been a huge deal to me..I suppose when you have never really had any...Its hard to miss what you never had...I know that's not where my hearts desire lies. Mine is more in finding that inner happiness...

The things that have always mattered most to me are the people I care for. Family to me isn't necessarily the the biological kind..Family are the people who become a part of your life. That inner circle that are your support system and your sounding board when you need one. In some cases these people may have a biological connection...But just like me, I see more and more people who have glued themselves together as a family because for no other reason they choose each other to love and care about. Maybe that's the best kind of family there is...Not the ones you had no choice in...But the ones who choose you.

Its sometimes hard to give up on dreams. I think when you loose one, especially an important one its feels like grief. And while nothing can replace it...I believe if one door closes another opens no matter if you can see it at the moment yet or not..

The Rolling Stones say ....."You cant always get what you want.. But if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need". Maybe that's the hardest thing of all...Realizing that what you want and what you need are two different things...

What is your dream?

Tagged.....

Seven things I want to do before I die:

1.Find real lasting love.

2.Find a job that I would love going to everyday.

3.Visit another country.

4.Learn how to trust in myself.

5.To become totally independent and self sufficient

6.To learn to cook.. (better) :D

7.To some day far far down the line...have a family.

Seven things I can do:

1. Be a good friend

2. Keep others confidences

3. Listen

4. Photography

5. Blog

6. Be kind to others

7. If I have nothing good to say... Shut up

Seven things I cannot do:

1. Drive legally (at the moment)

2. See spit (ewwww)

3. Drink Tequila

4. Stop being opinionated

5. Listen to Gwen Stephani sing "If I were a rich girl"

6. Spell

7. Be taller

Seven things I say a lot :

1. Utoh

2. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.

3. Sweetie

4. Double cheese, no pickle, no onions..with fries and a Dr Pepper please.

5. Sup Skippy?

6. Im sorry

7. You're new here?

Seven things I find attractive in a male:

1. Kindness

2. Honesty

3. Loyalty

4. Good sense of humor (he can make me laugh)

5. Nice smile

6. Nice chest or arms

7. He likes "who" I am

Seven celebrity crushes?

1.Sean Connery

2.Collin Ferrel

3.Chad Michael Murray

4.

5.

6.

7.

Seven people who have nothing better to do than to get tagged:

1. Adrian

2. Stu-man

3. JGStephan...Who's already done this...ugh!

4. Hulabelly...Im sorry in advance...

5. Jef

6. Dreadcow

7. TimmyG

Things That Go Bump In The Night

It was around midnight. I was home alone for the weekend. I was online chatting on MSN with Adrian..He was headed to bed since it was sunrise his time...And I was logging off to go watch a movie. That's when I heard it...The tap tap tap...

At first I ignored it..Because this is the first rule of scary movies...When you are home alone..Late at night and you hear a strange noise. YOU IGNORE IT. But it wasn't long before I heard it again..tap tap tap...Then in a few seconds....I heard it again...tap tap tap....So here's where I did the thing I swore I would never do..I have sat through many a horror movie..Yelling at the screen saying NOOO you dumb girl don't go in there...Don't go see what's making the noise..

Its funny, but when that really happens to you...YOU actually do go look...Go figure.. So I got up went in to the other room to see what was making this noise. I had thought maybe its a big bug of some kind...Or maybe a mouse has gotten into the duct work of the air conditioner....Hey, I live in a tropical climate..Any of these things were possible.

What I wasn't expecting...Was to walk into our dining room and see a Bat trying to scurry along the floor. YESSSS..That's right little brown furry winged vermin of the night...The taping sound was him trying to get traction on the hard flooring and not doing to great of a job at it...

Now I'm thinking ohhh mann..Please please do not let him fly...Then I'm thinking, how am I going to pick him up and get him out of here...Then I thought..EWWWWWW I'm not picking that thing up!!...It was about that time that every story I had ever heard of rabies ran through my mind...I have watched Old Yeller and Cujo..I know how those stories turned out...I'm young and I have to much to live for to risk this.

In the mean time he's still moving..Not fast but he's trying to get to somewhere...I knew I had to do something with him...So I did the only logical thing that I could do....I tupperwared him. I don't think that's what they had in mind for those clear plastic bowls, at least I never saw this use in one of their commercials...But I am here to tell you they make one fine Bat containment device. I'm thinking of writing to the tupperware people to relay this story to them..You never know...

Now before you go getting all "animal rights" on me..I didn't put the lid on him and burp out all the air...I wasn't trying to keep him fresh...Just keep him in one place until those who were older and had less to loose than myself could arrive and remove him.

The problem I'm having now..Is how did he get in? I have been told he probably came down the chimney. And more than likely he's got friends still hanging out up there...I have always suspected there was something up that chimney besides Santa..Now I know what...

EWWWWWWWWWWWW

Tastes Just Like Chicken

I have heard that saying "Sometimes you eat the bear, sometimes the bear eats you". I guess this is one such situation. A helicopter pilot and wild life researcher found a 13 foot python in the Florida Everglades that had apprarently burst after trying to swallow a 6 foot Alligator whole. That by itself gives a whole new meaning to indigestion. The thing I found interesting is that this is the 4th such documented incident in the past 3 years.

Scientists feel that that because the python is a top of the line predator and not a naturally found species in the Everglades that this could threaten the eco system of the Everglades. If pythons were to start consuming other wild life such as other smaller reptiles , squirrels, woodstorks, sparrows etc. That could and would throw things out of balance over time.

I would not have thought that pythons would have been significant in numbers to pose a problem to other life in the swamp...But according to what I have read, researchers have stated that over the years many pythons have been abandoned by their owners in the Everglades. While it is unknown the exact number that are in the Everglades competing with alligators, at least 150 have been caught over the last two years.

The researchers also state that a python 10-20 feet large could also pose a serious threat to a human, especially a child. Although they say its not an imminent threat and not time to worry about this yet.

YET? Ok speaking as a Native of the state where this is going on...I would like to ask when is the time to worry? Its not unusual to hear a story about some local person finding one of these snakes under someone's house or behind a store in a local neighborhood. So they can apparently adapt and live any where. If they fit into the Everglades eco system and were able to be controlled by a natural predator such as the alligator...Then I wouldn't be so concerned. But the fact that alligators don't always have the upper hand with these guys bothers me a little.

Yes I know, you hear about alligators being to closely connected to people too. That is our fault though. If we feed them and they become less afraid of humans as a result.. Then who do we have to blame when they start seeing our family pet Sparky....Or possibly the occasional golfer.. as a possible snack food. But.....At least this is a predator that is native to this state and the area it in habits. If handled properly it can and has been able to be controlled. Its presence isn't a threat to other species that inhabit the same area.

I guess it just concerns me when we introduce a plant or animal species that is not natural to this continent and then find out after the fact that "OOPS' probably shouldn't have done that. We have many such examples of that all through this country. Kudzoo vines in Georgia...That fish on the West Coast..Cant think of its name..Just to name a few.

At least with the alligator...They can be a food source. In fact they are quite tasty, just like chicken..YUMMMMMMM!

When I Was Invisible

I remember when I was invisible. Nooo, I don't mean the kind where you close you're eyes and if..You cant see me.. I cant see you. Although, I did think I could do that when I was a very small child or so I'm told. I mean the kind of invisible that happens sometimes when you're not quite grown up yet, but not a child anymore either. When you're not too tall or not too short, not to fat or not to thin. You do ok with grades and sports but just ok..Not star material. It was during this time I could just blend in and observe.

Part of me enjoyed this feeling of being anonymous. But part of me will admit there were times when I wanted to be more like other girls who were getting more attention. I don't think it was an issue of popularity. I went to a very small school...It was Kindergarten through 12th grade all in one school. So every one knows everyone else. I think at that age you want to be noticed by the opposite sex...But at that point in my life I was just one of the guys. Looking back on that..I think if I knew then what I know now, I would have stayed there.

Then I suppose around 8th/9th grades I started growing up...As everyone does. Of course we all do this at different rates some earlier and some later..But I remember very clearly how it felt to go from invisible to very visible. I wont lie to you...It was nice having the opposite sex pay attention to you...At least at first. The problem is....What I didn't see before..... and never was involved in...There are politics to growing up. Its a pecking order. Because while the opposite sex might pay more attention to you...So do your female counter parts. And trust me, they aren't as thrilled that your getting all this new found attention as you are...I was moving into uncharted territory, so I didn't realize there wasn't a spot at the table for everyone. I was just to amazed at the idea of how I was one person at the end of one school year and by the next year everyone thought I was someone else. That idea still baffles me.

Even today, I find that my friends or family or even more so people who don't really know me see me as one way and inside I still feel like that same kid who was invisible. I would be lying if I said that I still don't like attention occasionally. Truthfully if its positive attention..Who doesn't like that??? But there are times when I still would rather just stand in the back of the crowd and just blend in..and observe....Just become invisible...

Home Is Where The Heart Is........

My very first post as a blogger was about the existence of a chivalrous man. I had met one for the first time and It surprised me and pleased me to know that they do indeed exist. Since then I have met a few others who would fit into this category. I'm happy to say. But the first one is always going to have my heart.

Chivalry may not be dead..But it does occasionally fly south for the winter. This is the case with my chivalrous man. I find myself feeling very lost right now. I am a little surprised that I am feeling like this. I mean its not as though he were gone forever. I guess its that I have discovered that after months of talking to this person each and every day, sometimes until the sun came up. I find it empty and entirely too quiet now that they have gone. I guess sometimes you don't realize how much you really miss something until its not there anymore.

I don't really trust easily. At least not anymore..When this person came into my life I wasn't looking to find someone to trust or share my secrets with. Maybe that's part of why this person is so different from others I have met.. Maybe that's what makes a truly chivalrous man..The ability to share that part of themselves that lets you know they understand the meaning of loyalty, honesty and respect. Aren't these things the solid base we look for when building a relationship with someone?...Whether that relationship is a friendship or something deeper.

I was told that true love is the ability to put another's needs above your own..Its selfless...So with that thought in mind I am truly glad that this person is home now with their family and friends. In a place that has always been important and held so much meaning for them. Because I can truly say that their happiness is what I care about most.

But I still miss them..Still feel empty not talking to them, even though I know in my heart that where they are now is best for them.

If home is where the heart is...then mine is much farther south.

Its That Time....

Ok if you've been here before you might notice some changes.....Yep, that's right I'm a Halloween freak. Actually as far as I'm concerned October kicks off the holiday season as I know it. First off we have my birthday, which is not nationally known as a holiday,...At least not yet. But its still pretty important to me. This lasts a full month.....Of parties, shopping and friends and family showing the love...Does this sound a bit self involved? If so..GOOD! It should be..... I love birthdays. Not just mine everybody's....So if you have a birthday in October...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU... FROM ME.

Then we have the month ending in one of my all time favorite holidays Halloween. I know there are a lot of people who feel this one is evil. The devils holiday..blah blah blah....If this is your point of view. You are entitled to it. I respect your right to it and I wish you well. I however have loved it ever since I was a kid. I loved the whole costume thing. The being out at night, the large bag of candy and assorted loot I would come home with. How can you not love that?....Plus...Its spooky...And I have always loved the scary. The pretend scary anyway. There are far to many real life monsters to be scared of.....No point in worrying about the ones in my closet. If you know what I mean..

Once my all time two favorite holidays are through, we are now moving on to the holiday of true gluttony...Thanksgiving....The holiday where you can get together with family you see only once or twice a year....Eat large amounts of food.....That no human should ever consume in one sitting, and then sleep it off. Tell the truth....The left overs are the best part anyway aren't they? Cold turkey sandwiches...White bread, Mayo...Its almost a religious experience its so good... I realize that people reading this from other parts of the country have other thanksgiving traditions or food they enjoy. My Stepdad's family for example, used to have homemade lasagnia...There just seems something wrong with that idea...I just don't know.....

Then...Its time for Santa Claus...Yes I know, it has nothing to do with a guy in a big red suit...Its about the son of god..Jesus birth..The virgin Mary, the wise men, bright star in the sky. I know the story and I respect the true meaning of the holiday. But I grew up with Santa...And this girl says"If its not broke, don't fix it"... Its been working for me so far....I will keep it.


Then we have New Years Day(football and munchies)....Easter(Chocolate bunnies and Easter eggs)...And Valentines Day(more candy). No wonder a persons butt gets big.....

As you might have guessed I am living from holiday to holiday at this time of year. I realize a lot of people are frustrated and fed up during the holidays...But this girl isn't one of them...I am up for it and ready...To quote a friend of mine... BRING IT ON!

Take It To The Grave

There are those stories that you never share with the outside world. Then there are some that you share with NO ONE! Especially your friends....

But this little revelation came to a friend of ours too little to late......The other day this friend was telling us about how his morning went. He's been staying out at his grandparents house the past few weeks. He's doing some work for them. He had gone into the bathroom to brush his teeth that morning, and after a few seconds he realizes that the tooth paste tastes funny...So he picks up the tube..And realizes he has been brushing his teeth with vaginal cream.. Not just any vaginal cream, but Grandma's......

I have no words to express the laughter at the thought of my friend with his mouth full of tooth brush and vaginal cream...I still can't stop laughing and it happened a couple of days ago. Now...We all do really dumb embarrassing things..But there are some things you don't go sharing with ANYONE! Especially us..We are his friends after all and as customary with friendships..It is our responsibility to make his life miserable with this information...Which we proudly do...

There will always be those little moments you wish you could forget in life...That trip and fall in front of everyone....Or you're dress tucked up into the back of your panty hose...But this one...YOU TELL NO ONE... This story you take to your grave.....

The Unconditional Kind...

I have never been a parent. So, I'm not sure I can completely understand all the complex emotions that happen when you become one. I know from watching my own parents that they seem to always love you, even at those times when they also seem to want to kill you. I guess maybe its a good thing my parents were given a certain amount of restraint along with their parenting skills..Because even though I was a relatively good kid..(I swear I was) There were still times I'm sure my Mom wanted to do bodily harm to me...Especially after the age of 14. If you have read anything at all about my Mom in previous posts..YOU know she owns a shovel. So I guess I'm lucky. NO...I know I am.

Last night around 3am I got a call from a friend. I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was trying to hold back tears. And NO he wasn't drinking..He was completely sober. He obviously has something on his mind...But I'm thinking well..He will tell me when he's ready. So I keep it casual......"Do you know what time it is? Do you not own a watch"? That may have seemed insensitive....But my friends know me...And they know that no matter what the time, day or night that its ok to call. Its been that way forever.

My friend sort of laughs and says something like did I wake you up?...I tell him "YESSSS its 3am"! And then I ask...So what's up? He says not to much, his dad still hates him and he feels like a total screw up. He's afraid that he will never amount to anything in his life.

This person I'm talking to is just 20 years old. He does have a father who hates him. When he was younger he and some friends were fooling around with some air rifles...Which long story/ short resulting in him getting shot in the head. This injury causes a chemical imbalance which makes him bi-polar. He still struggles with this every day..Trying to get the medication regulated so he can function. The fall out from this accident causes a huge rift in the family unit.....His mom is supportive of him no matter what, regardless of the mood swings and problems...His dad...Isn't as understanding and patient. End result...Mom and Dad divorce. My friend blames himself for this. Apparently so does Dad. Sad thing is...Maybe its partly true.

Its times like this when I realize that my problems aren't all that bad. That while sometimes they feel huge to me. I at least know that my Mom is always there no matter what. Isn't that what a parent is supposed to do?...Isn't a parents love supposed to be unconditional. I know they don't always like us... Or have to love the things we choose to do. This is ok..But aren't they always suppose to love us? Even on those days when we are pretty much unloveable? Yes, there are some bad parents in this world. The news is full of them. I went to school with people who would have been better off being raised by wolves. But having parents who aren't there for you isn't you're fault is it?

The advise I gave my friend was simple. I told him that the only person in this world he had any control over was himself. No matter how much he wished it..There was nothing he could do about how his Dad felt or behaved. So he needed to tell himself..This is Dads problem. I cant control how he feels and I'm letting it go. And... If possible forgive him for it. If you walk around with this hurt inside of you, along with the worry, blame, anger and guilt...They will eat you alive. All you can do is accept ownership of your life and your actions and try and do the best you can on a day to day basis.

I think the part we fall down on sometimes, is not listening to our own conscience. That voice inside of us that wont let us lie to ourselves. We can tell the outside world its someone else's fault. Or that we are doing the best we can. But inside...We know ...And we cant hide the real truth from ourselves.

My heart breaks for people like my friend who don't have that support of love of their parents. Family is the soft blanket that should be there to wrap up in when the rest of the world is cold.
I wont say that my parents are perfect people..I think even they will be one of the first people to tell you that. Over the years we have had more than our share of parent/child disagreements. But I cant imagine not having them there somewhere...The alternative seems kind of sad and lonely.

What Do You Think Is Out There?

What do you think is out there? When you look up in the stars at night, you know on one of those nights when there are no city lights, no clouds, just a million stars in the sky. What do you think is out there?

I remember laying on my back in the cool grass on a spring night...Looking up and those stars and asking that question. I was younger then, but sometimes occasionally I still look up and wonder. If you think about it, in comparison to how big the universe is supposed to be, we are just like one small grain of sand on a beach. Are we arrogant enough to think that out of all those other grains of sand on this immense beach full of sand.....We are the only grain with life?

I was brought up to believe in a higher power..Or god...I was taught that he created us and all that we know. The spiritual side of me still holds to that......It sometimes comforts me when things happen that I can not understand.

I also sometimes feel there is such a thing as Karma..That we put out good or evil into this world and those things we put out come back to us...Usually bigger than when they left us.

Is there such a thing as heaven do you think? I know that if you believe in god the way I was taught..That heaven is part of this package. What do you think it is that makes us who we are? What is this spark of electricity or energy that makes us more than a shell......That gives us the light in our eyes and the thoughts in our minds?...And when our bodies no longer can carry that light....Where does it go?

I have a friend who believes in reincarnation. I wont try and explain that one, because truthfully I'm not knowledgeable enough to speak on the subject. From what I do know, its a belief that we are brought back over and over again to complete or learn from our past mistakes from previous lives. I think its a do it till you get it right type thing..... If that's the case and this is how it works, I'm screwed. I cant seem to stop making the same mistakes over and over again. If in my next life, I'm mute... Maybe my mouth wont get me into so much trouble, possibly then I have a chance.

If we are this spark or life force..When do we become it? Is it when the sperm and the egg collide and cells start to divide? Or is it at the moment of birth....When we take our first real breath of air?

Sometimes the world seems soo big, and overwhelming. Then I look up in the sky and I think about all the people I know who are in Ireland, Georgia, Kentucky, Iraq, South Africa, New Mexico, Texas, Germany and Canada, and a few more places I'm sure I'm forgetting to mention. Who are looking up at the same sky, the same stars on the same night I am. Its then, the world doesn't seem so big anymore.

But tell me....What do you think is out there?

VORSPRUNG DURCH TECHNIK

(Advancement Through Technology)











I just read an article about a German inventor who has come up with a way of producing an organic diesel fuel. Sounds good so far right? I sure thought so. This creative guy has figured out how to produce a bio-diesel fuel for about $1.35 a gallon... And with gas prices being what they are who wouldn't love that?

Well here's where the controversy comes in. This inventor has gotten the animal rights people all upset......Because apparently one of his ingredients is dead cats. He says that he uses a blend of garbage, roadkill cats and other ingredients to produce the miracle fuel. The inventors firm states, that it takes about 20 dead cats added to this blend of garbage and other ingredients to produce enough fuel to fill an 11 gallon tank.

The President of the German Society for the Protection of Animals warns that using dead cats to produce fuel is illegal.

Ok now, before the cat lovers jump on me...I don't have anything against cats. I realize that sometimes we become very attached to our pets. It just seems funny to me that there would be so much controversy over using a dead animal to produce a fuel source. The inventor isn't whisking poor little Fluffy away in the dead of night, only to grind him up so that we can all spend a little less at the gas pumps. Naturally, if this were the case I would have a problem with it too. But using what was described as road kill animals and garbage to produce this low cost bio-fuel doesn't seem like a really bad plan to me. It actually seems rather creative. Especially in a world where we are so dependent on fossil fuels and other countries to provide a lot of those said fuels. Its about time we had someone thinking outside the box.

Or maybe litter box, depending on how you want to look at it.

No Conspiracies Here...Just Plain Old Fashioned Screw Up's

Why is it that when things go wrong, everyone always wants to find the conspiracy theory? Cant it just be just poor management on someone's part? Or lack of desire to do the right thing? Or perhaps just some good old fashioned bad luck? Wrong time, wrong place.

Nope! That wont do...The first thing we want to see is some plot by some nefarious or covert power to undermine a situation or person. Is it because we have too many real life cloak and dagger things through out our history to be able to have faith in our government or our leaders? Is it too difficult to believe that things are the way we are told they are? Have we had one to many Watergate's,Whitewater's and Monica's to believe a situation at face value?

I suppose that no matter what the situation there will always be those who look for that smoking gun. Intent on finding who shot JF Kennedy, or knowing where Jimmy Hoffa went off to, or how Elvis has been doing since he went underground. I have heard it said that as a people we are just not ready to know all the facts. I suppose this could be true. If it is, its condescending and insulting. It would mean that some where along the line we have been put in the position of children. Only being told or taught what's good for us. Or if you try and take another angle......And we are seen with the mentality of children, then that means, what we are told is only what we are capable of understanding and coping with. Then what does that say about the shape of our nation as a whole?

I believe even the smallest child can be told the truth and understand and grasp a situation if told to them in a way that they will understand. Not only can they..But I believe that if they are curious enough to ask the question..They should be given a straight forward answer to their question. If you insist on dumbing down to speak to a child...Then that is what the child learns and knows. Is that the way it is with the general public too?

Sometimes I think its important to realize that a duck is just a duck. There is no behind the scene mystery or plot. That things are really exactly how they look. That if something has gone wrong that it could be no more than poor management or planning or just bad timing. Possibly a combination of all of the above. And more than likely, it wasn't just some dark power out to get you. Unless you are a believer in the devil... I suppose there are some religious groups and TV evangelists that would be all over that last one.

I guess the bottom line is...Why cant we just admit, that sometimes we drop the ball? Or that we simply made a bad choice? I think I would rather hear that and know that the person leading me is human. Than to feel as though they can not admit an obvious flaw in character or plan. Someone who wants to be perceived as above being human scares me far more than any conspiracy theory.