Gummy Worms, Sunglasses and Satan's Spawn

I never shopped at the Dollar Store much before. Because before I was usually spending my Moms money.....So the truth is the cost of things really didn't mean that much to me. However now that I have a job and have to use my own cash to make my small purchases...Its truly amazing how thrifty I have become.

Well today I'm in the dollar store picking up the few odd items. Just for those of you who have never had the pleasure of shopping at a Dollar Store.....Let me tell you, its a veritable treasure trove of useless junk, all of which you will think you have to have. All at the bargain price of......You guessed, it a dollar!

Today though I have my arms full of things I really didn't need....Like that extra pair of flip flops that just caught my eye.....Those cheap sunglasses that you need for each and every summer.....The shampoo with that fruity smell I like....A couple of black cherry candles.....A picture frame and one package of gummy worms. The last one was an impulse item at the check out counter.

Anyway I'm standing there with my arms loaded down. I should have gotten one of those little baskets to put my stuff in, I know.....But I was only coming in there to get an air freshener for my car, so I didn't think I needed one. Which if you will notice wasn't on the above mentioned list of items I walked out of the store with.

So, I was standing behind a woman with a small child in a buggy. This child was approximately 4 years old. And obviously not very well behaved, because from the moment I entered the store I was aware of his presence by his tantrum like screams and his mother yelling at him.

Normally I would have just ignored the little dirt eater and gone on with my day. But this is where he got me. As I stood there patiently waiting for my turn at the cash register, I hear the for mentioned tot...Refer to me as A..... "Doody Head". I being the adult in this situation...Just ignored the child's comment and pretended as though I hadn't even heard him. Something his mother also seemed to be doing. But then, it happened again..."Dooooody Head".

OK now the little midget was starting to annoy me. But I was still perfectly willing to ignore him...Until he pulled out a weapon. He was caring a semi automatic squirt gun...Loaded. He takes aim....Grins at me really big.....I give him one of those you better not if you know what's good for you looks...He just grins again..And says "Doody Head" and opens fire on the front of my T-shirt.

Now at this point...I've got a large wet spot on the front of me..And I've been called a Doody Head at least 3 times. I'm thinking its time to take the little monster down. He was less than 3 feet tall. So I seriously considered taking that gun away from him and turning it back on him and giving him a taste of his own medicine. But he was with his mother...Hmmm.... I sized her up too..She looked like she was a malnourished 98 pounds...And I noticed the two packs of cigarettes in her purse...She wasn't in great shape...Possibly a chain smoker...I believe I probably could have taken her down too along with the kid.

During this entire time..She pretended not to notice that her kid was calling me out...Or that he fired upon me without provocation. I was this close to giving in and starting one of those small town Jerry Springer moments right there in the check out line of the local Dollar Store...When the kids mom finishes her transaction and grabs her buggy and pushes it and the little spawn of satan out the door.

Then I started thinking. If that had been my mom...And I had the poor judgment to use the words Doody Head in her presence let alone direct it at a grown up...She would have torn me up. She wouldn't have waited until we got out to the car to inflict punishment on me..She would have snatched my butt out of that buggy and torn it up right then and there...Then dared anyone in the store to call those child abuse people because she had just disciplined her child. She probably would have continued the discipline by washing the ever loving taste out of my mouth when she got me home too.

I thought the phrase "shut up" was swearing up until I got older..And even now..I still don't say those words. My mom had a thing about manners..You said please and thank you..Yes Mam, No Mam...And you never and I mean never called someone names like Doody Head.

Now I will say this..As a child I didn't get many spankings. Not because I didn't misbehave..But because usually all my mom had to do was give me that look and I knew one more step and my life wasn't going to be a happy one. She had this quiet sound to her voice...That one that you knew was meant only for you to hear..And that you knew if you heard it..Things were going to get ugly.

I would like to think as a child I just had enough common sense to know better and avoid these incidents. But truly I just knew not to mess with my mom. If she said NO...You can pretty much take it to the bank that's exactly what she meant. And she wasn't going to change her mind.

Now if your thinking that I was scared of my mom...Heck yes I was! But I guess a little healthy intimidation is just good parenting. Whatever she did it must have worked. You don't hear me using the words Doody Head do you?

Perfect Imperfections

I think most of us have imperfections. Its what makes us all human. I myself will be the first one to tell you that I am riddled with them. I am the veritable Swiss Cheese of imperfections. These imperfections or flaws in my personality, my body and my nature are what make me unique and an individual.

They are also the things that probably have driven my parents to drink. And some of my friends to the brink. But love me or hate me....What you see is pretty much what you get.

I am probably my own worst critic for a reason. I have thought about it and I suppose I do expect perfection from myself. A goal that I know is impossible to achieve. But still, I cant help feel the need to go for it anyway.

I am completely opinionated. I love to think about things..I puzzle them out and turn them over..I have to take ideas all apart and see what makes them tick. I think about it all and then the logic comes to me..The reason in a situation..The purpose for the being of it all.

Now granted..This is my own personal logic and not always one shared by the masses. All of whom I do inflict my opinions on quite frequently. But still, if you know me at all..Its just something you expect. If you like me..Its something you live with..And if you love me..Those thoughts and opinions are actually something you love to hate.

The other day..A good friend of mine had the audacity to refer to me as a "Drama Queen". Now I cut the boy some slack, because he obviously had no idea what kind of hole he had just dug for himself by saying these words. TOO ME! Me of all people..Can you believe that? I know I was shocked too.

But if the truth be told...And this is between you and me. I suppose if I try and be objective....I can sort of see how he would think that about me from time to time. Ok yea I can try and see both sides of the coin. I think in images..I speak in descriptions of the pictures I visualize...I write the same way..So if I'm happy I describe the reason for happy...If I'm sad..Well you get the idea.

Oddly enough though sometimes these descriptions depending on how upset I happen to be at the time..Can be very what I would even call dramatic. So ok..That sort of makes me a some what of a drama queen.

I suppose it wouldn't have bothered me so much except I really dislike those who inflict drama. It bugs me that some will stir that sort of thing up just to get noticed. I personally enjoy being in the background..Watching..Listening. I think you learn more that way.

Is it wrong to be opinionated? Is it wrong to want to blend into the background to watch and listen? Is it wrong to sometimes be a drama queen because you get passionate about certain things? I don't know.

Maybe, maybe not....But either way love me or hate me..What you see is what you get.


"ATTENTION ALL READERS THE DRAMA QUEEN HAS NOW LEFT THE BUILDING" (smile)

Light Years, Time Travel And Who Might Be Looking

If you look up into the night sky at all those thousands of stars..Have you ever wondered if some where out there, someone might be looking back at us? Scientists say that most of those stars are billions of light years from where we are. That by the time that light actually reaches us..That some of those stars have long since burned themselves out.

If this is fact...That we are seeing light that indeed happened in the history of that star or star system...That in real time..Those stars may not even exist any longer..Then aren't we seeing evidence of time travel?

If we look up in the night sky seeing light from a place that most likely burned out billions of years before the light actually made it to us..Then we are seeing into the past.

And if by some chance..Someone is out there watching the light that comes from our little solar system...Are they seeing light that came from this place thousands of years ago? Maybe when dinosaurs were still walking on our planet. What would that light look like to them?

Just for the record. I'm not sure I believe in the whole "Area 51" aliens visiting our planet thing. I have relatives who would argue that point. But that's a another story. And a branch of the family tree that Id rather not shake out right now, if you don't mind.

But I do wonder. We are life..So then why would we be the only life? Even if you have a firm belief in God. The bible doesn't say anything about the solar systems outside ours containing life or lack there of.

If our planet is like one grain of sand on a beach as immense as our universe. Then why would we be arrogant enough to think that we are the only grain with life? And if we as life forms are able to change and advance. Then wouldn't we have to assume that there is the possibility that another life form could do the same? Even if that life isn't the same as our own.

Two New Ones That Made Me Say Hmmmmmm

You just cant make this stuff up....Sometimes fact is so much stranger than fiction. Such is the case with this one.

A Tulsa woman at her local Walmart was putting her groceries in her car....When she felt something licking her toes. She immediately thinks of a dog (that would have been my first thought). Until she looks down and sees a strange man laying under her car! Yep that's right..He was the toe licker.

Now maybe its just me being narrow minded here...But is anyone else saying EWWWWWWW right now? I'm sorry but this one creeps me out.

To any of you out there who have a thing for feet. I say live and let live..Just stay out from under my car.



Story Number Two~~


This next story comes from my home state of Florida..A woman in Bradenton has an intruder enter her house through the doggy door. The startled women obviously feeling threatened gets her shotgun and fires off a round at the intruder. The intruder manages to escape with just a flesh wound.

With me so far? Ok here's where we twist off...The intruder was an alligator apparently attracted to the woman's golden retriever..Hence the need for the doggy door. The neighbors hearing the shots called the police. Who after hearing the woman's story, decide to give her a citation.

NOT for shooting a weapon in public..NOT even for maybe shooting an endangered species...Nope..Her ticket was for hunting without a license.

You just gotta love the world we live in.

You Have The Right String Baby But The Wrong Yo Yo

"You Have The Right String Baby But The Wrong Yo Yo". That's a lyric to a song my Dad used to sing when I was a kid..At the time I used to think it was just poor musical taste on his part. But now I think I get its meaning.

Guys you drive me insane!!!! Open your eyes PLEASE! That's not just a pretty bright light in front of you..Its a bus. Stop staring at it like you're a deer.

I see some of my friends repetitively going after the same type of girl over and over again. I see it and I want to shout..STOP! STEP AWAY FROM THE BUS!!! Because ultimately you're just going to wind up under it... I keep thinking..This is an intelligent person..They have to see what this girl is doing.

But noooo you keep coming back for more. Please tell me why? Is it that flippy thing she does with her hair? Is it that eye batting thing? Is it because she can use the word "LIKE" at least 5 times in one sentence? Is it because she smells good? Is it those tight jeans or that low cut whatever? Because I gotta tell you..None of that seems worth the crap you have to put up with to be with this woman.

She is self centered..Self absorbed. She is the typical taker..She is all about you as long as you are doing the giving....When it comes time for you to be on the other end of that stick, where is she? Ill tell you where..Emotionally or physically MIA.

And yet..Time and time again..You are there to wipe up her sniffles if she's sad. You are falling down on the sword to pay her bills, fight her battles, and basically be at her beckon call whenever she's had a bad day and needs someone to tell her she's wonderful and beautiful and needs that ever so cheerful ego boost. So you sit there for hours watching her movies..Talking to her friends..Listening to her stories...Notice a theme here?

YESSSS...Its all about HER. You feel as though you aren't appreciated..You cant understand why she's not nicer to you. How could she be so cold or so inconsiderate? Well..gee why are you surprised? If you think about it..She's been this way from day one..You just didn't want to see it because you had stars in your eyes and dark sunglasses on.... Needed a stick and a seeing eye dog.

This girl is the poster child for bunny boilers. She's the one who puts out their news letter..She's the chapter president. Please for the love of god, take off the glasses and take your life back. She only has power if you give it to her.

Ok I'm stepping down off my soap box now. I said what I had to say and even though it wont make any difference because you are too far gone to hear it..I will be there waiting with shovel in hand to scrap up what's left of you after that bus is gone.

Why? Because that's what friends are for.

The Happy Mothers Day Bad Boys...

I have always had more male friends than female. I just think guys are easier..They are more what you see is what you get. In my life time I do seem to have accumulated my share of what could be called Bad Boys for friends.

I'm not talking about Bad Boys as in..Evil.. Because the simple fact is my Mom wouldn't have tolerated that..The few of those type who tried to set up camp at our house were made unwelcome in no uncertain terms. She made it known she had a shovel and was not opposed to digging a few shallow holes in our backyard for those who don't get the hint. : )

However..My mom does have her weaknesses..And the Bad Boys are one of them. If they are making just enough mischief that keeps them on this side of the law..And they can keep her laughing with that charm that they seem to have in full supply she cant help herself, she falls for them.

During the time in our lives that it was just my mom and I living in our little house..Mom was pretty easy going about people being at the house..She's a night owl..So it never bothered her to see someone drop in late at night or hang out till the wee hours of the morning..As long as she was home and awake..And they respected our family and home..She was pretty easy going. She always felt like shed rather have them all sacked out on our floor than who knows where else getting into trouble.

She didn't condone all their bad behavior all the time..But she also was a realist..She knew they were probably going to party..They were going to get into their share of scuffles. That was just growing up. It wasn't unusual to have them calling the house at midnight to see if we were still up. They wanted to come by for a visit..Or they had a question that they had to talk over with Mom.

We live in a small town...It was sort of funny that my mom had this built in radar or ESP when it comes to knowing who's doing what around town. Not so much with the adults, but she kept pretty plugged into what was going on with the crowd I hung out with. So she knew who was dating who..who was cheating on who...who was just randomly sleeping around..Or in trouble at school or with the law. She never had a problem calling them on any of it..I think that's part of what they liked about her..She was point blank said what she thought or what she knew..And in turn they could say anything to her.

Now that most of the Bad Boys have sort of more or less grown up..Some have even gotten married and now have future little bad boys of their own they are raising..They still see my mom and have to come give her a hug or stop by the house to say hi.

Sunday my mom gets a phone call..Its one of her favorites M...

M: Hi there Miss K..I haven't gotten to talk to you in a while and I thought I better call you and wish you a Happy Mothers Day.

Mom: Awwww thank you sweetie..How are you doing?

M: Good, good can't complain.

Mom: How's school going?..Are you staying out of trouble and keeping your grades up?

M: Schools good..I'm out now for summer...But its all good. You know I turned 21 a few weeks ago..And I guess I'm just slowing down in my old age..I cant do all the stuff I used to anymore...

Mom: (laughing)..Oh I see..Yea sweetie you are getting up there. Its probably just because now your legal and the thrill of that stuff isn't as fun any longer.

M: Yea I think you might be right...I was told that would happen..But I never believed it.

Mom: Well, Jen showed me a few pictures of you just recently on the internet..So it looks like your still having your share of fun. You looked good by the way.

M: On the Internet? Where?

Mom: Well honey I believe it was on several different young ladies web pages..

M: Oh really...... I didn't know that. Huh...

Mom: " You looked like you were still having fun...I believe in a few of the photos you were being licked.

M: Ohhhh Mannnn!...I guess I better check that out. Well it was nice talking to you...Happy Mothers Day..I love you..

Mom: I love you too sweetie...(click..Mom hangs up the phone giggling) I love messing with that boy..That just never gets old.

And somethings never change....lol

The Small Steps

Today was about forgetting the world. It was about 84 degrees of sunny weather and a nice breeze. It was about strapping on the bikini and taking it out to the river for a test run. It was about laying on the bow of a friends boat with a fruity drink in hand and soaking up the sun. While all around me were friends listening to music...swimming....laughing and dancing.

Summers are sort of like that here..There are a huge group of us..We are all river rats..We drag out the boats and all meet in a few choice spots. Sometimes those of us who are a little more connected....Drag a camper down to one or the other of the camp grounds right on the river..and camp weekend after weekend until mid September.....When its time to pack it all up again and drag it back to the house.

Today though I just decided to go and forget about all the things that were getting to me over the last few months and just go with the flow. I have come to realize how lucky I am in so many ways.

After writing my last post about the stress level and pressure I was feeling because of a number of things happening in my life right now.....I had several blog friends step up and offer words of support and a friendly ear to let me vent. In case I haven't told you all yet...That meant a great deal to me that you would offer your support and kindness.

It makes me realize that sometimes when I am not able to see the big picture, because my nose is pressed to close to the glass, that there are some really amazing people out there who are still kind and full of compassion.

Its reminded me again that its always about finding the postitives in life. Even if I don't know what they all are right now. These people are definitely one of them. So thank you guys for everything.

I was also reminded that it may not be all about the huge leaps and bounds that happen in our lives. While sometimes these things do have their significance...They aren't what really matter over all. Even though they may seem huge to us at the moment....they are but blips on the radar screen when we look at the full span of our lives.

I was reminded that maybe its the small steps we take each day that really count the most. Those baby steps that we don't really notice or think of individually...But intimately show what kind of person we are. They are the small kindnesses we show others around us..The polite moments when we go that extra mile to be thoughtful or helpful. Its the times we decide to be honest or work hard..Or stand up and try again when we are knocked down. Its the times we look for those positives in a situation even when we think there's not any way there could be one. But we still try.

These things I think are what tell the story of the kind of person we are. The kind of contribution we make to the world around us. Because even if we don't notice these small gestures or acts in ourselves..Somewhere there is someone around us who has.

Thine Own Worst Enemy

Personal Note: I'm not sure if I will have the courage to hit publish when I finish this post. I suppose I wont know until the last word is written. I think I'm starting to understand what my mother meant by owning your mistakes and standing up to accept them. I guess that's part of becoming an adult. I just didn't realize how hard it was going to be...But then no one promised it would be easy....

If you have ever wanted to see a woman self destruct before your very eyes...Pull up a chair..I feel that the "BIG KABOOM" is just moments away. I have had a lot of thoughts, feelings and fears all sort of bubbling under the surface for a while now. I think part of me felt if I just ignored them they would eventually go a way. But they're not.

This has no order, so where do I start? I feel like I have no control over my emotions lately. I'm on this roller coaster of highs and lows. I have succeeded in pushing away the people who most care about me. Partly because I cant stand to let them see me this weak. I know that sounds pretty vain. I hate it that I have to admit to that, but its true none the less.

My family not only thinks I'm blowing off my future for "school girl" type day dreams, but have become concerned that I may have something physically wrong with me. That thought alone makes me angry and scared. I'm angry that they would the audacity to even suggest it..Scared because I have already thought the same thing myself.

I cant go to the one person in this world who knows me and gets me better than anyone else with all of these thoughts....Not because he's not available to me..On the contrary..He wants more than anything to help right now and keeps offering his hand. But I cant accept it. I feel like if I tell him all the details, he will feel as though he is partly to blame for my situation. He isn't..But he will still see it that way. I cant tell him because I'm embarrassed with myself, I feel like most of the mistakes were stupid ones and of my own making. I cant because I'm afraid, what if its more than stress and stupidity on my part that's put me here, what if there is something physical involved here? What then?

I cant because I know he has enough going on right now in his own life with out heaping my little dramas onto the pile. I wont do that to him. I cant because deep down I feel as though I'm whining. I'm being a big baby about some of this..That I should suck it up and get tough. I'm just not sure how.

I'm still bothered by seeing my friend get stabbed in front of me a couple months ago. I'm bothered by the image of the knife blade shining in the light of the parking lot. I'm bothered because I did nothing..That there was nothing I could have done. I want to help and tell what I saw. I think the guy who did this deserves to be punished for what he did. But the idea of sitting there in front of lawyers, a judge, a jury and the defendant gets to me. It didn't happen to me..I was just the spectator. But I'm changed since it happened. It bothers me that I'm not the same any more.

I'm angry with myself for not knowing what I want. For letting things slide for so long..For not giving the best of what I know is in me to achieve my goals. For feeling apathetic about moving forward.

I do not like this feeling of not having control. I don't like this feeling of weakness. I hate this part of who I am and who I seem to becoming. Its not just letting down the people who expect more of me..Its the inner knowledge that I know I'm not giving it my best either.

I don't know if any of this even makes sense to anyone as I write it down. How can I make myself understood clearly about how I feel when I have no clarity in my own mind?

I think in pictures. I put all my thoughts in order with those pictures. I organize and examine all of them to come up with my own personal answers and order of things. But right now..My mind is just static...A buzz of jumbled thoughts and feelings with no clear understanding of why its like that. Its frustrating.

Why blog about this?....Because to me this is my way of letting it go..Of saying it out loud and admitting it to myself. Even if it makes me look like a head case right now..At least its out there and for some reason...That sort of feels like a weight lifted.

Blogging Out Loud

Tonight is one of those nights that I'm lost in thought. I know most people are out with friends or on a date tonight. Its Friday night after all...Isn't that what your supposed to do on Friday night? But not me, I'm home alone...In the quiet...Just thinking.

I have been told that I think to much. That I over analyze. I suppose there is some truth to this. But its at times like this...When I am alone that I am able to get the most clarity. I can organize my thoughts and think of all the what ifs.

I admit lately I feel sort of lost. I'm wondering where my place is in this world. Its not the first time I've felt like this over the past year...But usually the feeling passes. Lately though its hanging there like this cloud. I feel like I have been swimming as hard and fast as I can, but am going nowhere. So I have to ask, am I just treading water or am I slowly circling the drain.

I'm sometimes afraid it may be the later.

I have a few choices in front of me. But for the first time I truly have no idea which direction to go into...I have things pulling at me from different directions for very different reasons. What do you do if your heart and your head are in opposition? Do you do the logical practical thing.... Or do you throw caution away...Follow your heart and jump into the deep end of the pool?

I Stand Corrected.....

I had several guys read the last post about "nice guys"...And then give me feed back about the whole nice guy label. After hearing their points of view, maybe its my definition of what a nice guy is that's in error.

It doesn't seem to be that any of these men have a problem being decent guys...Most of them were raised that way. (Thank you to their Moms) They know the difference between right and wrong...They still can hear that voice in their head that makes them think about fairness and honesty. If you aren't hearing that little voice any longer..I'm referring to that thing called a conscious.

So what's the problem you ask? Well its in the perception. To a guy if your considered a nice guy by the opposite sex then you aren't appealing. They believe that women are ultimately attracted to the more bad boy type. That being labeled as nice only means you are either thought of as wimpy or delegated to friend status or even worse a doormat.

This got me thinking...Could they be right? I had to start thinking about what it is that attracts me to a guy. Its definitely not looks alone..But I fully admit that I am a normal human and that is probably the first thing I do notice. Although I will tell you in all seriousness...That I have dealt with pretty before...And trust me..Pretty is sometimes highly over rated.

So what is it that gets me hooked. Its not about them being dangerous. I know some women are very attracted to that type. That's just not me...But I do love a guy whose got a brain..If he can talk to me intelligently...That's very attractive. I love a good sense of humor. If a guy can make me laugh he is solid gold...If he can laugh at himself even better. I don't mind one being slightly cocky or sarcastic..As long as its in moderation and they don't take themselves too seriously. A little sass can be fun, especially if there is a give and take that goes with it.

But I suppose...The biggest thing isn't something you can really put your finger on...Its something about the way he carries himself...Its this quiet confidence or inner strength he gives off...Its not something he has to tell you about...It just shows....Its this firm knowledge that he may be easy going..But he wont be pushed. He wont take anyone's crap not even mine.

If that by definition makes him more of a bad boy. Because he is strong...Then I guess that I am just as guilty as my friends say I am of being attracted to it.

If I am guilty of what they say, I honestly never thought about it like that..Because to me inner strength is just part of the package...He also will...Treat me with respect. Not because he's forced to...But because he wants to. He's flirtatious without being crude...He's playful and kind..And he makes me feel beautiful because of the way he sees me as a person.

Maybe some of those reasons seem sort of self centered. But I'm trying to be honest here. Most of us want someone who value us. Someone who sees us as special to them. Sometimes isn't that the biggest attraction? Seeing ourselves through someone else's eyes?

To those nice guys out there...Hang in there..I'm not the only one who can appreciate your qualities. Who looks for those things and values them.

I just wont insult you by calling you a nice guy any more...LOL

Hey Nice Guy...Step Away From The Spork

It seems somehow its become a bad thing to refer to a guy as a "nice guy". I realized my mistake when speaking to one of my friends online. A friend who I truly do think is great by the way...As a "good guy". And dear lord help me, but then I made things worse when I further stated that he was a "sweetheart".

It was then I got the gut wrenching reply "NOOOOAA don't say I'm a nice guy". There was also something said that it was not good being a sweetheart either...And then there was talk of cutting that sweetheart goodness out with a rusty spork.

This verbal drama was not lost on me...I thought I was paying him a compliment...When did being a good guy become bad? In a world filled with players, jerks and all around dick heads...I don't see nice as bad thing. But apparently I did the equivalent of spitting on this his manhood. For that I apologize, I had no idea.

I had thought that maybe this was just an isolated incident...And that maybe this friend was just a little more Jaded that other guys...But this is not so...When mentioning this response to another guy...He not only confirmed that being called a Nice Guy was a bad thing...But also referred to the dread that's experienced from hearing those words come from any girl.

I have to blame the dreaded Bunny Boiler for this response. It seems that most good guys don't mind being the good guy until the meet up with their first Bunny Boiler. She does what a Bunny Boiler does best...Lures the nice guy to her...Then proceeds to make him believe she is just a normal girl...And not only that, but a good girl too. Once she has him in love and pretty much willing to throw himself under a bus for her. She tortures him relentlessly with subtle mind games until she either breaks him or gets bored and moves on to her next challenge. This leaves what's left of the Nice Guy bruised, battered and sporting a less that good attitude where women are concerned.

So that even when the next girl does come along...Even if she happens to be a real good girl...Nice guy no longer trusts his judgment and is automatically on the defensive...Or either unwilling to let anyone get close enough to do any damage again.

I would put the Bunny Boilers of the world on notice. But the sad truth of the matter is that it wouldn't mean a thing coming from me..Bunny Boilers see girls like me as just a simple speed bump. Something that could slow them down but not stop them from their goal of what ever guy they have their sights set on. I am just the friend watching the train wreck occur. Then attempting to help patch up the damage in the aftermath.

I suppose no one is immune to being taken advantage of when the heart is involved. It just seems sad you have to assume guilt with someone until proven innocent, to keep from being played. Its also really sad that its become a bad thing to be a "Nice Guy".

The Monsters Under The Bed

I remember being afraid of monsters when I was a kid. I recall feeling weird about letting my legs or arms dangle over the edge of my bed at night. Or feeling uneasy about the darkness of my closet. I remember watching the Steven King movie IT for all of about 30 minutes when I was about 5 years old. Until my mom noticed that I was there and made me go and play. That's all it took though, was that 30 minutes.....From then on, I plugged every drain in the house anytime I was near one. I still to this day don't like clowns.

I think most kids wonder what's under their beds at night..Or something similar, at one time or another...Most have probably hidden their heads under a blanket or turned on a nightlight to keep the darkness away.

Its not until we become adults that we realize you cant keep the monsters of the world away with a nightlight. Its then when we are grown that we know that monsters are real in this world and they do walk among us every day.

The real Monsters come in all shapes and sizes. They wear many faces, come from many places. They can be male or female, old or young. Some have themselves disguised in friendly faces. Some we think of as family. Some have bombs....Or guns...Or fists....Or words that they use against us. But there is one thing they all have in common. Just like any predator, the monsters of the world prey on those who are smaller or weaker than themselves.

I think on a daily basis most of us try not to think about the monsters being out there. Its just easier that way. Lets face it...Its one thing to suspect there might be a monster under our bed...Its another to know for a fact he's there. Its the confirmation of his existence that keeps us from sleeping peacefully at night.

Its not because we don't care that we sometimes look the other way to avoid seeing the monsters. Its not because we are bad people. Its because we sometimes lack the courage it takes to deal with them. Its the same kind of fear that makes us look the other way from the bully on the play ground....In hopes that he wont be drawn toward us.

Looking into the monsters eyes takes a lot of inner strength. It takes a special person to be able to do that day in and day out. It takes someone who maybe be just as afraid of the monsters as we are...But realizes that someone has to be willing to slay them.

Some feel its always better to walk softly and avoid using that big stick. Normally, I would have to agree. After all we are a civilized society. We should be able to use reason and logic to settle a problem, shouldn't we?

If we were not dealing with Monsters the above ideas would probably work. But the problem with logic and reason and civilized conversation...Is that monsters do not care. They do not feel your desire to talk things out with them. They do not worry if you are feeling threatened or do not wish to be harmed. They have one thing only that motivates them.....And that is their own need. A Monster does what he does for his own reasons...Its not logical or reasonable.

Whether we like it or not...Whether we want to say it out loud or admit it quietly to ourselves...Monsters do exist in this world. Just because we choose not to look under the bed doesn't mean they aren't there.

To the men and women who have to deal with the monsters every single day. Who have the courage to do the job that I myself cant. I want to say thank you.

The Bunny Ritual

They dress you up in a big poofy dress..Made from some sort of pastel colored scratchy stiff material..Hence the poofyness of it...

Put huge bows in your hair.... Big enough to pick up TV stations in third world countries.....And patent leather shoes on your little feet......

Then they have you run all over a yard, to look for eggs that they have colored in colors no self respecting chicken would claim. Harmless you say? Have you ever tried to run in wet grass with patent leather on your feet?

Then to add insult to injury...They expect you to believe that a large rabbit left all these eggs for you to find, not to mention a basket chalked full of every kind of chocolate goody you can imagine.

Just when you think its finally gotten good...You're mom tells you that you can only have one piece.

WHAT?!!???

Have you ever noticed that even though you are restricted to only one piece...That the contents of the basket seems to mysteriously shrink from morning to morning? I remember quite clearly telling my mom on a number of occasions that I really didn't care for jelly beans...Her reply was "sure you do..They are good". It seems to me that she was the only one who liked them. Those too mysteriously disappeared from my basket...

Coincidence I think not!

Then at some point usually before the egg ordeal...... You attend church with the family... And are forced to sit in same scratchy yet still remarkably poofy dress. On a hard wooden pew....That creaks anytime you decide to move. Drawing the attention of the entire congregation to you...Which in turn draws attention from your mother...Not a place you want to be in church.

You sit there for hours listening to old people sing off key hymns and learn that about a billion years ago...The Son of God was dead and then did rise from the grave.....

Miracle or Sci-fi channel?

Sad thing is...Someday when I have a daughter I will probably stuff her into a scratchy poofy dress...Slap some big bows on her head..Strap patent leather shoes to her little feet and march her off to look for eggs from the mysterious and elusive bunny.

Don't you just love holiday traditions..


Side Note: My personal favorite Easter tradition involves a hollow chocolate bunny and a can if whip cream.....You do the math

Candy Little Girl?

I'm sitting here right now sort of laughing...I am torn between the inventiveness and free enterprise system... V.S. The have you lost your freaking mind side of the coin.

Alameda County, that's in sunny California for those of you who don't own a map or care...Is considering banning the new candy produced by a company under Corona.. Its called Chronic Candy.

Its tag line is... Get this... "Every lick is like taking a hit". WHY? Because all these assorted goodies...Such as gum balls, lollipops and chocolates with names such as Hydro or Sticky Icky Buds.....Taste like...Yep, you guessed it!...Marijuana.

They do have a website for those of you who like to surf. Featuring their products along with a very pimped out gentleman and a young lady sporting some very short shorts that expose most of her ass. Not sure what that has to do with candy. But I guess sex sells.....And apparently so does drug flavored candy.

The company says...That the goodies are flavored with Hemp Oil but does not contain THC. Which as I am sure most of you already know gives Pot its Buzzzzzzzzzzzz. The company is going all out to promote this new treat. Using spokes persons like Snoop Dogg and Paris Hilton to sell their flavorful buzz free confections.

The Alameda Board of Supervisors is proposing to ban the new goodies...saying it promotes illegal behavior and improperly influences teens and young adults. Maybe they have a point. If you recall back in the day, "They"...I mean candy manufacturers made candy cigarettes for kids. Of course back then smoking was the thing to do...and kids liked emulating their parents. When we took the Marboro Man and Joe the Camel out of view of children, we also did away with any candy or cartoon that promoted smoking to kids.

But you gotta love the creativity of Chornic Candy....They state that the candy is meant for use by adults. And it should be used as a family teaching tool to open discussion about the dangers of drug use.

LMAO

"Yes Little Timmy...Mommy and Daddy are indeed enjoying this flavorful and tasty pot flavored lollipop...Now that you meantion it...Lets discuss drugs".

The question that pops into my mind...Is anyone really that stupid? Or better yet how dumb do you think your kids are?

Hey they got my attention...if for no other reason.....Id just like to see how you get there from here...lol

Just Thinking Again...

Relationships are like a bon fire....They burn the brightest and hottest when first kindled. The flames from that fire are the highest in the beginning when the fire is new. Even after time...when the flames dwindle...new fuel can be added to keep the fire going.

But everything has to be fed. Nothing exists on its own. Just as a fire needs new fuel and oxegen to exist. A relationship has to have that mutual fuel of emotional contact to continue to thrive. Its that circle...that feeding of one person to another that keeps it alive.

If you dont have that...Just as with a fire..it will continue to burn only as long as there is something to fuel it, but without that, eventually it starts to die.

I had always thought myself to be a fairly strong person. But I have come to see that I have the very human weakness of needing that fuel. I need the emotional contact...that quiet, often simple emotional link that is the fuel that keeps me going.

Being the fixer that I am by nature....Realizing this simple truth....makes me feel sad and sort of helpless. There are somethings that werent meant to be fixed alone. If I try to look for the postitive in all this it would be...That I would rather have had this fire in my life even for a brief time than....never to have known it at all.

Love is a friendship that has caught fire.
It is quiet understanding,
mutual confidence,
sharing and forgiving.
It is loyalty through good and bad.
It settles for less than perfection,
and makes allowances for human weakness.
Love is content with the present.
It hopes for the future and it doesn't brood over the past.
It's the day-in and day-out chronicle of irritations, problems, compromises,
small disappointments, big victories, and working toward common goals.

If you have love in your life,
it can make up for a great many things you lack.
If you don't have it,
no matter what else there is,
it is not enough.

~Author Unknown~

Back In The Saddle

To those of you who might think I have abandoned my blog...Not so. I have been sort of feeling as though the things I have to say aren't worth writing about lately. That maybe I'm just doing the little self pity dance. I'm thinking lately that its time to get off the dance floor and back to it.

Truth is...I have also sort of been inspired by a friend of mine. This person has some "internet difficulties" where they are right now. So they send me their posts and I publish them to their blog for them. It feels good to help out a friend and it makes me feel very James Bondish in a strange sort of way. To know I get to possess the forbidden password and that I get to secretly read everything first before it hits the general public.

This friend of mine is a pretty talented writer and is picking up quite a following of readers to his blog...I can tell the longer he writes the better his writing is becoming. He has a very visual way of writing that makes you be able to understand exactly how he felt when he was in the situation he was writing about.

This is something I can relate to...Because that's how I think. I think totally and completely in pictures. I am and always have been a visual learner. If I wanted to remember something in school I had to not only picture it in my mind but then probably set up some sort of trigger that would call up the information at a later time.

I believe they are called Neumonic Devices. But for someone like me...Its just the key to that door that unlocks what I saved there for a later time.

I think this is why I see most of life in analogies...I compare life's twists and turns to actual things...I see the comparisons in Nature or the physical with the emotional side of life.

So to those of you who read this or at least used to before I dropped off the radar...The analogy queen is back. Lets see if she has something to say this time.

Toll Roads On the Information Super Highway?

To Surf Or Not To Surf

Anyone who's reading this right now has had some experience with the internet super highway. If you can use a computer then more than likely you have accessed the internet....For one reason or another. Thinking back, it hasn't been that many years ago when our parents were being told that one day everyone would have a computer in their own home. Of course back then, one computer took up an entire room.

It was around the same time that a group of men decided to create the beginnings of what we now know as the internet or cyber space. It was originally designed for military use as a way to get messages from point A to point B in a fast and efficient manner. Since then, Its grown with the addition of personal PC's in everyone's home even small kids know all about the internet and how to use it.

It's human nature to try and build a better mouse trap. We as humans are never satisfied with what we have. We are always trying to figure out a way to make it go faster or smaller or flatter. Now not only have the computers gotten more advanced so has our way of connecting to the internet. We have more than just dial up modems now...We have DSL and broadband.

One of the coolest things about the internet is the freedom to go anywhere. With a click of a mouse, we can go to school...We can shop...We can see movies...Music...Newspapers...Or even blog. Just about anything a person can imagine can be found out in cyber space.

I just read an article this past weekend in the business section of our local news paper...This article had to do with the concept of putting toll roads on the internet super highway.

According to this article...The way the internet functions is that it breaks up information into smaller packets of information. These packets can travel a number of different ways to get to their destination. Sort of the same principle as a person being able to have multiple choices of roads to get to the same destination. When the packets of information arrive.....They are reassembled into what ever their original form was...Like an email or webpage..Etc. This works ok as long as you don't mind a few seconds of delay time in your information arriving. Because just like there maybe many different ways to get to Grandma's house...Not all of them are the shortest...

With the new use of voice calls made from PC to phone or just PC to PC....Or now movies or streaming video..Or even gaming online...This small delay is sometimes a problem...Because the few seconds it takes to arrive could mean the loss of video flowing smoothly.... Or a person hearing a phone call clearly or.....Even points lost on that video game being played.


You have to ask yourself how big a deal is this to me? There is always that competition for your dollars out there, so its pretty much a given that some company wants to make their product more appealing by solving these problems. It's also no secret that some larger companies aren't getting their slice of the pie when it comes to communications on the internet...For example, its a lot cheaper to make a long distance call online when you are using local lines to do it.

AT&T probably didn't see that one coming.

So some broadband companies want to create toll lanes on the internet super highway....Lanes that you would be guaranteed that your information gets to where its supposed to go fast and efficiently and on time. Of course as the name implies...There's going to be a fee for the use of these roads. In addition to letting you get your information faster....They also plan on blocking out all those sights they see as not worthy of their customers attention..

This could be good and bad...It may cut out a lot of those pop ups and spyware that constantly plague you if you surf the net...But then it also could limit your freedom of choice as to what you get to look at and how.

Now I know that there is a lot of stuff on the internet right now that would be considered unsavory at the very least. But I have to ask....Is this a form of censorship? I agree some of the stuff out there in cyber space I personally could live without...But I think that Id like to make those choices for myself.

Its the same with books and music and movies...Or anything in this world. It doesn't matter if you agree with the writing or lyrics or what's on the film...Its a question of a persons right to express their opinions...The same way I am expressing mine now.

If we start allow others to make those choices for us...Then they will continue to more and more often in the future. Eventually those freedoms we sometimes take for granted will erode and be lost. Maybe I'm taking this to personally as a possible violation of my right to surf..

I just get concerned anytime I hear someone trying to convince me that the limits they are putting on my choices...Are for my own good. Maybe that's just me..What do you think?

What Are They Thinking?

I am fascinated by stories that are sooo weird but true none the less....I cant help but share one when I hear about it or read it...This was on the local afternoon news...

Sometimes You Get The Mouse.. Sometimes The Mouse Gets You

A guy decides to dispose of a mouse he's just caught inside his home. Instead of just placing this mouse outside..Or even putting him in a trash receptacle of some kind...He decides the best course of action is to put said mouse on top of a pile of leaves he's got burning outside. Which he does...

The mouse..Who apparently isn't dead...But only stunned..Decides burning to death isn't what he had planned for his day...As his fur starts to catch on fire...He runs off the pile of burning leaves and heads straight back toward what used to be his home and shelter...The mans house.

The mouse had never been instructed on the STOP, DROP AND ROLL method in the event he should catch on fire...So when the flaming mouse gets into the house...He promptly catches the house on fire....Before the fire department or the man who owns the house in question can do anything about it...The entire house is engulfed in flame and burns to the ground.

There has to be a moral to this story...But to be honest I just cant think of what it could be at this moment.


Mummy Dearest

The other weird story of the day involved the mummified body of a woman. The woman police believe had to have been dead for approximately 2 1/2 years.

Ok, well they unfortunately find dead people all the time....And while mummified is a little unusual...The part that creeped me out...Was that this lady was found in the upstairs part of her home...

She had said she did not want to be buried when she died...Her family took this seriously...So they just left her sitting in a chair and turned on an air conditioner...Closed the door and continued to live in the bottom half of the house.

Now this story....EWWWWWWWWWWWW on so many levels I don't know if I can pick just one. The fact that her body mummified is interesting to me on a curiosity scientific sort of level.

But the question I have, is how could you continue to live in a house where you knew Mom or Auntie Elvira...Was slowly decomposing upstairs while I was eating my frosted flakes downstairs?

I'm not sure how the science works here...But I do know that most things as they decompose start to produce a smell from the gases of that decomposition...Doesn't this happen when someone mummifies? And if so..That alone would have made me rethink just shutting the door and going back to my business.

Im sorry but ewwwwwww

Becareful What You Wish For...

Hello Everyone!

I have been getting some messages from some of my friends out there telling me that I'm taking my job of non-profit slacker far to seriously and that I needed to post something new.

So to those of you who wanted something new..All I can say to you is..."Becareful what you ask for, You might just get it"

I hope everyone is well so far in this 2006 New Year...And that everyone made it through New Years Eve without requiring medical attention or bail money. I had a good time with friends and went out a little bit...I didn't get myself into any trouble I'm proud to say..But I did manage to kick some natural butt in Poker.

Yes that's right...Now you know another one of my vices...I like to play poker...On New Years Eve...The gods were smiling down on me...Because my friends and neighbors, I am here to tell you..That this girl could do NO wrong. Every single card I touched that evening was gold in my hands. I played hand after hand and each one was better than the last.

Now some might say that the reason I did so well was the condition or the skill of my competition. And while I cant say for sure if this is the case, I will have to concede it could have something to do with it.

But there was something satisfying to see this 5'2" inch..120 pound girl kick some butt out of some bad talking big old hairy boys who think as a rule they are poker gods...It was a beautiful thing.

My very last hand of the night..It was down to me and one other guy. He thought he had me beaten. He had a full house...Queens and Jacks...Until I laid down my cards...FULL HOUSE....KINGS AND ACES!!!! Who says there is no poetry in simple things?

From what I have read some of my fellow bloggers have started their prospective New Years with a bang...I have read a few of their blogs and gotten a few emails with details of such. Looks like Jenn has gotten her new Year off on the right track..Congratulations about going to Day Shift...I know your little boy is going to love that.

JG Stephan I have been told consumed some burnt punch...He also played some poker and went out with a few friends...And also had the poker gods smiling down on him. He and I have decided he must be my brother from another mother...We are too much alike. Maybe this is so..We both have the poker thing going on...lol

Dreadcow, while in Iraq right now..Is doing well. Considering his location and his job. I'm happy that we still are able to keep in touch and that I get to hear about his life there. It makes me realize how lucky I am to be here in this country. How lucky I am to have a friend like him. If there is one thing I can count on with Dreadcow...If you ask him a question..You get a straight forward answer....He is my reality check. (Be safe)

If you happen to be wondering whats going on much farther south...I mean waaayyyyy SOUTH......Check out the new photos on Adrians "Off My Blog" My Photos....You wont have to ask why he hasn't posted in a while...the pictures speak for themselves...I'm sorry I missed that party...lol

Im just kidding Adrian : )

Hes actually been pretty busy....Hes got a new job that he just started in this New Year...and a new apartment. If you check out the pictures you will see that being back in South Africa is obviously working for him..He looks great! Although I still get to talk to him pretty frequently... I still miss his blog posts a lot...and hope the internet situation gets itself worked out soon so he can get back to it. (Ek varlang na jou)

To the rest of my fellow bloggers who I haven't had the chance to hear from or read about..How's it going so far for you? Give me a shout and let me hear from you..Id like to hear how the New Year has been treating you thus far.

I have missed you all.

Falling From Grace

I recently fell from grace ...So if you heard that thud out there in cyber space...Don't be alarmed it was just me falling on my ass. It wasn't a simple fall either it was one of those kind that you hit hard with out being able to catch yourself or slow down the fall....When I fell...I took someone I cared for very deeply down with me in the process. This isn't something I am proud of. I'm not proud of myself for my behavior and I'm not proud of what my actions did to him. If you can feel ashamed of yourself more than I do or did...I find it hard to believe.


This past year I feel like I have done a lot of soul searching and asked myself a lot of difficult questions..About things that I would never want to have admit aloud. I guess everyone does this from time to time..Has their own private attitude adjustment.

There seems to be one thing that holds true with everyone..You can paint whatever kind of picture of yourself you want to show the outside world..... But deep down inside our core selves...We can not lie...And we know who and what we are.

I have had to admit to myself and to him to having some pretty big flaws in my character..Something I'm not happy about nor proud of. I had thought at one point that I was over a lot of this sort of thing and that I had grown past it..But when put to the test..I failed it.

I still love the person I pulled down with me...In my eyes he still is amazing and incredible. He just looks more human to me than he did before. Unfortunately Its not as easy to forgive myself.

I sometimes wonder how long it takes us before we can put the past behind us once and for all..What exactly do we have to do to finally rid ourselves of fears or old hurts that keep us from moving forward and repeating old mistakes?

I am approaching this New Year with more questions than I had before..And wondering how do I go about finding answers to them all.

Special Note: To all of you who have become friends as well as fellow bloggers and to those of you just passing through. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year. Thank you for stopping by and reading.

Yes There Is A Santa Claus

I remember very clearly the day I came home and told my mom that I had heard that their was no Santa Claus...

She was standing at the kitchen sink working on something for dinner...I was in there talking to her about my day ...Anything and everything that had happened.. Things to which she always listened to and joined into the conversation..Everything from "Are teachers supposed to smell like that? To... "Will paste really make your insides sticky if you eat it"?

These are all serious questions when your young..At this age, you realize that all the things you learn on the playground may not be completely accurate, but there is probably some grain of truth to them..

So when I ran the whole "No Santa" issue by her..I expected a stronger reaction than the one I got...Her lack of shock and or surprise all by itself made me curious...First of all let me say..I already suspected this was no rumor...I was getting to that age where I was looking at things from a more logical point of view..And the whole Santa story just didn't add up in a lot of ways. But I was also..Not wanting to look at it to closely...I was still content with the idea of Santa and Christmas.

I had thought about just letting it slide since mom really didn't comment much on it...But curiosity..Which has always been my downfall got the better of me. Soo I asked her..."Do you believe that's true"?

This is what she told me...

She said that Santa was there for children...And that when children got older and grew up sometimes they stopped believing in the same things they did when they were little...

BUT...(and here's the loophole).....As long as a child believed in Santa...That they continued to get presents from Santa..And when and if they stopped believing, they still got presents..It was just that they got them from their Mom and Dad....
(A HUH..Wheels turning)

Ok now...I wasn't the brightest kid...But even I could do the math on this one.....Santa + Mom and Dad....Or just Mom and Dad....HMMMMMMM.....This seemed to be a no brainer....So that's when I decided that I was going to continue to believe in Santa regardless of the stories or evidence to the contrary..

To this day if you ask me is there a Santa....I will tell you "OH YES THERE IS"!!
And if we can get the bats out of the chimney...Ill be looking for him again this year.

When Its Real

When its real how do you know? This is what I think.

When its real, it shouldn't be hard. It should be something that's easy, that you don't have to struggle to make work each and every day.

It should be something that gives you an inner peace. It should be something that leaves you with no doubts.

It is a friendship that has caught on fire. It gives trust, kindness, respect and love and in turn, expects nothing.

It should lift you up, make you feel as though you can do anything, because they believe you can.

It is quiet patience and understanding for the small human flaws we all have. It is not selfish. It puts you first as a priority.

It is a fire that is fueled by a mutual practice of all these things. It provides a strong base for the rest of life to be built upon.

I suppose not everyone in the world is looking for the perfect something...There are plenty of people out there right now content with their singleness. I see no problem with being single. But there also seems to be a large group who are looking...Looking for that perfect someone...... That perfect relationship...... That perfect something to make their lives complete.

I will be the first one to tell you I am a hopeless romantic. I am sentimental to the core..I save every movie ticket, every dead flower, every card, etc. Because to me these are the real things. Its not the "Stuff" we think we have to have from others, that's supposed to say "I love you" when given or received. To me the birthday card that had a hand written heart felt message, with added illustrations was more precious to me than any "Stuff" I could have received. But this is me.. And this is what matters to me and what I consider real.

There are so many different personality types in this world. Not everyone wants the same types of things from a relationship or a partner. Is it wrong because some do not want the romance of it...They prefer the security of the material or monetary. To them having someone provide them with the comforts of life is a show of affection or love. Just because its not what I would look for, does this make it wrong?

I am coming to realize that everyone has different needs and wants from life. What those happen to be, are based on how we were raised and our life experiences. What may seem as a deal breaker to me, would not seem so to another person.

I still have no sympathy for the BUNNY BOILERS out there who are cutting huge swath through the single population. Laying to waste those with good kind hearts and forever changing them into the mistrusting and bitter. I hope someday they find a cure to your type of virus and people will be immune to you.

But until they do I hope that those of you out there who have had to deal with those train wrecks in your lives...I hope that you don't let those people ruin your hearts. Its difficult not to harden, to protect yourself, in case there is a next time. But if you do this...What else do you keep yourself from? Possibilities? What if you have to be open to hurt before you can find the real thing?

If that's the case...Isn't it worth it? To me it is....What about you?

From The Inside Out....

What is it about a person that makes them attractive to us? Is it their eyes, their smile, their legs or chest? What if we weren't able to see someone and get a first impression from the way they looked to us?

That may sound like a shallow question. But I have had both males and females tell me..While its true they want someone with a good personality, there has to be that physical attraction.

Does there really? This is my thinking..

You are walking down the street..You see this incredibly beautiful female...In your eyes she is very attractive...So you take the next step and make eye contact or try and speak to her. If she seems receptive, then you possibly proceed to the next step. Which is what? Talking or maybe even asking her out? But what if this goddess opens her mouth and speaks and you find out she is the most rude, self centered, airheaded, B*tch.....You have ever had the pleasure of talking to. Is she still beautiful? Or did your feelings and opinion change because of how she behaved?

Or you meet another girl on the same street. This girl isn't scare little children ugly, but more of a plain Jane. Not the you light up my life beauty of the first girl... She passes you on the same street, but because she's not really your type...You don't bother to make eye contact or try and say Hi. In short, you don't take that first initial step toward meeting and speaking to find out who she is and what she's like. But what if girl number two is incredible? She's intelligent and funny, kind, caring, respectful, has good morals, and values. She loves sports, is into all the things you find enjoyable. And last but not least....She wants all the same kinds of things you want from life and views the world similar to the way you do. But because she wasn't you're type you never ever said the first word..Hi.

I have to wonder if it wouldn't be better if we all had the chance to meet backwards. I know a woman who met her husband online. It was a chance meeting and I wont go into all those details now.. I will just say that they met and hit it off immediately. They found after chatting only a short time that they had quite a lot of things in common in the way they viewed the world. To the point of almost finishing each others sentences. They both spoke pretty frequently over the next year. Pretty much every day. It wasn't until they had known each other a while, that my friend got up enough nerve to exchange photos with this person. It wasn't so much that she didn't want to share her photo...Although that was part of it...But she also wasn't sure if she wanted to know what he looked like. Its like reading a book and then seeing the same book made into a movie.. Sometimes you get disappointed because the characters in the movie are nothing like the way you pictured them to be.

But this chatting back and forth about everything under the sun had started some deep feelings for both of them and she felt as though she were falling in love with this person..And he had similar feelings for her. They finally exchanged a few photos...And to be honest...He wasn't an ugly guy by any means but....he wasnt exactly her type either...If he had passed her on the street I do not think she would have said "Oh Id really like to meet that guy". And truthfully...I think it was pretty much the same for him too...Not the type of female he was usually attracted to. But they had already grown to care about each other. Past the point of it really mattering that they weren't their ideal physical types.

Long story, short....They spoke online for a year before they met each other in person...They lived about 1500 miles apart. Then after the first face to face meeting...They continued to meet...Traveling back and forth for another year....Before becoming engaged...Then they did this again for another year...Before actually getting married. After the marriage he relocated himself to her state where they live now and have been for the past 4 years...Happily married...

The thing that always strikes me about this story is...She used to tell me that she met her husband backwards...She met him from the inside out.....That idea got me thinking...How many people do we pass on because the first view of them says they are not our type?...Or for that matter how many crappy relationships do we get in and stay in because we are physically attracted to the other person enough to be infatuated with them...And convince ourselves its love?

Maybe its not about the physical at all..Maybe true beauty is within...Maybe we need to try and meet a few people backwards.

Dumbing Down

I will admit there was a time I was uncomfortable with the way I spoke. When I was a kid my parents never spoke down to me..They spoke as if I were an adult and would understand the big words they used. If I didn't, they took the time to make a statement and then say..What this means is.......And maybe use a more simple way of phrasing it. But guess what...In doing this, I developed a better than average vocabulary.

The problem is when your with you're peers and most of them don't speak in complete sentences let alone big words. You get a lot of "Huh?" What does that mean? For a kid who liked blending in...It got a little embarrassing. So I would dumb down my conversation skills.

"Like you know, I just took out all the big words. Then like people understood me better. Ya know?"

One day my mom said "Why are you talking like that?" So I explained my problem to her..She said never be ashamed of being intelligent enough to understand the meaning of words or things. She felt that part of the problem with some of my friends wasn't lack of intelligence on their part, but laziness and bad habits. If you don't use it you loose it, sort of thing.

I thought about what she said and I realized she was right. I looked at a few of the girls I knew..I know what classes they took..They were in the same honors classes I was in..They made good grades.. I knew they weren't stupid..Yet they wanted to talk like they were. I also noticed it happened more often when they were around the opposite sex.

Well that's when I said " Screw it" I am who I am..I talk the way I talk..And if they don't like it oh well, so be it.

I have heard talk of lowering the standards for our testing system so that little Jimmy's self esteem wont be shattered when he fails a test. To me this is the most stupid idea that has ever come out of our educational system and that is saying something.

To me the entire point of education is to raise the bar..To push ourselves to take in more knowledge. The point of testing on subjects is to see if the knowledge being taught is being absorbed by the student...If all we worry about is that little Jimmy feels badly because he hasn't passed a test on material he hasn't been able to grasp for whatever reason. Then in my opinion we do a bigger disservice to him than hurting his little self esteem.

Isn't it far more important to understand that not everyone learns the same? That we shouldnt have some sort of cookie cutter method of teaching. Not everyone can grasp material in the same way..Sometimes it takes a creative approach to be able to get a student to understand the information. Teachers, because they are teachers should be willing and open minded enough to explore other methods of exposing their students to this information...After all isn't that the main purpose of being a student and a teacher...TO TEACH AND TO LEARN.. Why should the method matter as long as the end result is there.

In school I usually made fairly decent grades. If I didn't there was usually a reason why. It could have been the subject being taught...Math and I are not on good terms....It could have been me screwing around instead of doing my work....Or it could have been the teacher not connecting with the way I learned. I personally am a visual learner......I need to be able to associate the information with a picture or idea in my mind so I can recall the fact at a later time. If I am sitting in a classroom listening to a teacher drone on and on with facts and figures with out this visual association being made...The information is completely lost on me.

Its not just the responsibility of the educational system alone to provide a child with knowledge...Its also the parents...Maybe even more so than the teachers...Because as a parent I think you have a larger stake in the outcome of your child's education than anyone else in this world.

I believe the fact my parents took the time to read to me, and speak to me the way they did had an effect on me, one of the end results was that I had a pretty good vocabulary. While strangely enough, reading is not my thing.... I do like writing.

I wont say that I still don't use slang when I speak. Occasionally I do, but I'm not worried if anyone thinks I'm weird any longer because I know some words with more than four letters.

Whats wrong with having a brain and not being ashamed to use it?

Prejudice: An opinion, favorable or unfavorable ( more often the latter), formed without a fair examination of the facts; bias, v.t. to bias, to influence, to injure.

We hear the word prejudice and we automatically assume race is involved... But this is not necessarily the case. Prejudice can be about many things...Such as a persons education or lack their of.. Are they rich or poor..Are they fat or thin..Are they old or young...Male or female, gay or straight? We have literally hundreds of prejudices whether we want to see them as that or not..

Lately some of my fellow bloggers have posted some really good posts regarding this issue...Without trying to wear out an already discussed topic..It has provoked me to start thinking about what makes a prejudice and why we feel this way.
One blogger...Jenn, from her blog Jenius...Says in the last line of her post..."Racism isn't born its taught"..

The more I thought about this the more I knew she was completely right. But how do we get through life with out some sort of prejudices? We are taught not only by our parents and families, but also through our peers. We learn from our surroundings...And we form views based on our experiences in life. Most of us are taught to try and be considerate of others differences no matter what those differences happen to be...

But I still think no matter how hard we try...We still deep with in us hold onto some prejudices. I'm not sure there is a way to be completely free of them no matter how open minded or how tolerant we are..

The question is..If we could do this...Should we? Should we be tolerant of those groups that as individuals we find morally offensive to us. Such as those who advocate hate? Should we be tolerant of those who instill fear in us of another group because they are different in thoughts, words and deeds? Or are these not real prejudices because we are making opinions based not in bias but informed views?

What do you think?